Smart (?) turkey...

[Archae]

I AM A SMART TURKEY
~ author (turkey) unknown

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG TURKEY,
NEW TO THE COOP,
MY BIG BROTHER MIKE, TOOK
ME OUT ON THE STOOP.

THEN HE SAT ME DOWN, AND HE
SPOKE REAL SLOW,
AND HE TOLD ME THERE WAS
SOMETHING, THAT I HAD TO KNOW.

HIS LOOK AND HIS TONE, I
WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER,
WHEN HE TOLD ME OF THE
HORRORS, OF....BLACK NOVEMBER.

"COME ABOUT AUGUST,
NOW LISTEN TO ME,
EACH DAY YOU'LL GET SIX
MEALS, INSTEAD OF JUST THREE."

"AND THEN ONE MORNING,
WHEN YOU'RE WARM IN YOUR BED,
IN'LL BURST THE
FARMER'S WIFE, AND HACK OFF YOUR HEAD."

"THEN SHE'LL PLUCK
OUT ALL YOUR FEATHERS, SO YOU'RE BALD AND PINK,
AND SCOOP OUT ALL YOUR
INSIDES, AND LEAVE YA LYIN' IN THE SINK."

"AND THEN COMES THE
WORST PART, HE SAID NOT BLUFFING,
SHE'LL SPREAD YOUR
CHEEKS, AND PACK YOUR REAR WITH STUFFING."

WELL, THE REST OF HIS
WORDS, WERE TOO GRIM TO REPEAT,
I SAT ON THE STOOP, LIKE A
WINGED PIECE OF MEAT.

AND DECIDED ON THE SPOT,
THAT TO AVOID BEING COOKED,
I'D HAVE TO LAY LOW,
AND REMAIN OVERLOOKED.

I BEGAN A NEW DIET, OF NUTS AND GRANOLA,
HIGH-ROUGHAGE SALADS, JUICE
AND DIET COLA.

AND AS THEY ATE PASTRIES,
CHOCOLATES AND CREPES,
I STAYED IN MY ROOM, DOING
JANE FONDA TAPES.

I MAINTAINED MY WEIGHT, OF
TWO POUNDS AND A HALF,
AND TRIED NOT TO NOTICE,
WHEN THE BIGGER BIRDS LAUGHED.

BUT `TWAS I WHO WAS
LAUGHING, UNDER MY BREATH,
THEY CHOMPED AND THEY
CHEWED, EVER CLOSER TO DEATH.

AND SURE ENOUGH, WHEN BLACK
NOVEMBER ROLLED AROUND,
I WAS THE LAST TURKEY, LEFT
IN THE ENTIRE COMPOUND.

SO NOW I'M A PET, IN
THE FARMER'S WIFE'S LAP,
I HAVEN'T A WORRY, SO I
EAT AND I NAP.

SHE HELD ME TODAY, WHILE
SEWING AND HUMMING,
AND SMILED AT ME AND SAID,
"CHRISTMAS IS COMING...."!!!!!!!!!