I Am So Fukin Depressed Right Now

[Parche]

Someone tell me a joke

Put some humour back in my life

:hi:

[LSK]

1. Donald Rumsfeld...

..is retired..

:hi:

[polly7]

2. Hope you like it:)

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a hand full of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After approx. 15 minutes she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another hand full of peanuts. She repeats this jesture about eight times. At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replys that it is not possible because of their old teeth they are not able to chew them. "Then why do you buy them?" he asks puzzled. "oh" she answers, "we just like the chocolate around them."

[Rambis]

3. Rush joke

You may have heard it but it makes me laugh...

What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?
One is a flaming Nazi gas bag and the other is just a dirigible.

[redqueen]

4. We call our grandad "Spiderman".

He doesn't have any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bathtub.

[polly7]

5. Snappy Answers

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads
"low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and
he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,"Got stuck, huh?" The
truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a
death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What
would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter
sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter
and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically
at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand."

[Systematic Chaos]

6. Rush!!!

:woohoo:

[Midlodemocrat]

7. I'm sorry. The first round of holidays is the hardest.

It does get easier. Not much, but it does. I promise.

:hug:

:loveya:

[malta blue]

8. I don't know any jokes, nor am I particularly funny but

:hug::hug::hug:

I'm sorry you are feeling bad, friend.

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. Sorry Parche...

It is a rough time of year... :hug:

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

10. Here are the two riddles my silly brain has invented

1. What do you call a waffle you eat on the beach?

San Diego (sound it out!)

2. How do you introduce your dad to a hooker?

Pop - Tart


Thank you - I'll be here all week!

Hope you feel better soon. :hug:

[PassingFair]

11. Knock knock. Who's there...

Eat mop.

[LiberalEsto]

12. Get some sunlight

or some artificial sunlight if you can.
Lots of people get seasonal depression - including me.
I've been dealing with mine for about 6 years with a Sun Box and it's helped a lot. The company is located in the neighboring town from us -- Gaithersburg, MD. Link: http://www.sunbox.com/

(I have no connection with the company except for being a satisfied customer)

[underpants]

13. You know what I have found helps?

cleaning the guns