Suggestions on how to handle this?

[1gobluedem]

I have a new niece, three months old, who is my parents' only grandchild. We are all going to Milwaukee to have Christmas with them. Problem: my brother and sister in law have four cats. My mother is terrified and I mean TERRIFIED of cats. Her mother was too. There is no reasoning with her about it, they just flat out scare her silly.

She is also asthmatic and my father and I are allergic.

My sister in law doesn't want to shut up the cats for more than an hour but also wants to open presents at their house so the tree is in the background of the baby's first Christmas. In her mind she is compromising (although she thinks my mother should just face this fear) but my mother will want Christmas to be far more than an hour.

My brother does what he can but my sister in law can be pretty stubborn and moody when she's crossed. If we don't handle this right she will give our whole family the silent treatment at Christmas and punish my mother by withholding the baby from her.

Right now my sister in law is being pretty welcoming and is looking forward to our visit. How do I handle it with her so we can have more than an hour on Christmas Eve without the cats in the room? My mother and my brother are expecting me to come up with something.

[malta blue]

1. there is absolutely no reason why the cats can't be

quarantined for a holiday gathering.

Your brother needs to just tell his wife (in a nice way) that the cats endanger his family's health and therefore need to stay in a spare room, basement, etc., while you are there.

I would have no problem doing this for my houseguest.

Good luck.

[1gobluedem]

2. I would do that too

And I hope I can use my allergy, rather than my mother's fear, as an excuse. We're staying in a hotel so it's not as though they have to be locked up for a whole weekend or something.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

8. of course...that would be the reasonable thing to do ...

I can't even imagine putting a time limit on a family gathering but, both my sister-in-laws do.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. Go and be polite guests for an hour.

When the hour is up, say your thank yous and good - byes.

I hope your sister-in-law is happy getting what she wants. However it has been my experience that those types never are. Sorry.

[1gobluedem]

4. I was thinking of telling her that it would take more than an hour to open all the presents

Because we plan to bring so many. My SIL likes presents.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

6. well, of course that is up to you...

Good Luck whatever you do.

[Lincolngirl]

5. I'd play up the Asthma angle

That is serious. Close em up for a few hours, and make sure he vacuums a few hours before they get there?

I wish you luck!

[JVS]

7. Tell the SIL to go fuck herself

Problem solved. ;-)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

9. ~

:headbang:

[Mojambo]

10. Make one of her gifts a snarling, ill tempered, junkyard dog.

I guarantee the cats will pose little problems.

(in all seriousness, I agree with the idea to play up the asthma as much as possible.)

[suninvited]

11. kennel the pets

lets be real here.

[Chan790]

12. What we used to do...

not because of cats or allergies but because my father insisted on opening presents at his parent's house and there was nothing to do there. (We got toys at home and things like clothes, bedding and school supplies at my grandparent's home.)

We'd get up and open presents. Then we'd go out to a leisurely breakfast. (Using the excuse that way nobody had to make breakfast or do the dishes.) In this case, your SIL would get what she wants (presents at home so the pics will have the tree in the background and to not keep her cats cooped up all day), you and your parents would get what you want (non-exposure to the cats and to spend a lot of time with the family.)

This might not work for future Christmases but the baby is under 1 and isn't going to even know what's going on.

[Lil Missy]

13. I agree with Tuesday. Plan on leaving after after an hour.

I'll bet SIL is not anticipating that. She is probably assuming everyone will stay under the terms of her "compromise".

Make a plan ahead of time that as soon as the cats come out, the rest of family leaves. Do so politely, and if she resists, just tell her that you are respecting her terms. Give her a big hug and leave.

:evilgrin:

[pitohui]

15. it won't work because they can't clean up the hair/dander in less than an hour...

...much less do all the hair/dander clean-up on the house AND have the visit

[pitohui]

14. they've made the decision the cats are more important than your health or your mom's phobia

they love the cats more than you, the way to handle it is not to go to their place for xmas

there is nothing "welcoming" about the passive-aggressive act of having FOUR CATS in a house when you know that your mom-in-law has a severe phobia, and you know that your father in law has a severe allergy to the cats, it's a nice way of saying fuck you she doesn't like you

i have a severe allergy to cats and the way i handled it was that i simply didn't physically visit the offending relatives in question until such time as they put my health first and their fetish for cats second -- a process that meant that they missed many holidays with me and i wasn't bothered in the least

your mom, your dad, and yourself have a right to have your mental and physical health issues respected, if your sister in law doesn't respect them she doesn't love or welcome you in any genuine sense so fuck her in my opinion

admittedly i never said "fuck 'em" to MY offending relatives, i simply said that my health didn't allow for such visits and went on my merry way

life is short and being sick and miserable at xmas to please a bitchy sister in law is a waste of time and your precious holiday


send bro and sister in law a xmas card and go on your way

well you did ask how i would handle it -- and that's exactly how i DID handle it

visiting the sister in law and putting up w. her ridiculous demands that the cats only be removed for an hour (you can't even clean up the cat hair in an hour sufficient to make it safe for your dad) just guarantees misery for everyone for an indefinite period of years until such time as you wake up and realize that NO you don't reserve to made sick every xmas, your dad doesn't deserive it, and your mom doesn't deserve it