The Shittiest Horror Movie Ever Made.

[Symarip]

The movie: Joshua.

Now don't get me wrong, even when a horror movie is bad, there are usually some redeeming qualities (blood, money shots, over the top acting) that will make me look back fondly on my two hour experience. None of which applies to this piece of shit I decided to take home from the rental store last night.

Here's a quick plot run down for those of you who haven't subjected yourself to this shitfest. Joshua is a weird kid. He kills animals and plots to disown his parents because they suck at life (like most parents). He succeeds because all weird kids in movies are fucking MENSA candidates. The end.

The movie moves slow, because it's a 'psychological thriller' similar to the Omen. But unlike most thrillers of the same ilk, there are no plot twists or revelations that keep you on the edge of your seat. Joshua is an asshole. Big fucking deal. I knew that from the first ten minutes of the movie. There's no rhyme or reason to him suddenly lashing out at age nine which simply just pisses me off. It's apparent that he wasn't beaten enough by his yuppy parents who are too concerned with living in a big apartment in Manhattan. Oh and in all the crazy shit that happens in this household, no one ever calls the cops or suspects young Joshua as the little tyrant he is. Yawn.

There's also a shit ton of loose ends. For starters, all kinds of crazy noises come from the level upstairs from their apartment. This is never fully explained. Joshua also reveals on a videotape his hatred for his infant sister. Yet, in the ending sequences, it appears that he's just fine with his sibling. As stated, earlier, no one ever calls the police and when people start dying (often cause for concern in everyday, normal life), no hot shot detective ever appears to ponder, maybe this little kid who's obsessed with death and egyptian mummification might have something to do with it?

Don't waste your time with this movie. And to those of you who have seen it, I think we should start a support group and/or petition 20th Century to refund us the two hours of life we'll never get back.