Women, do you have some kind of radar that tells you when a man is seeing someone else...

[LostInAnomie]

... and then makes you want to start pursuing them?

I just started dating this girl that I am pretty interested in, and suddenly, out of nowhere, my ex (that I used to desperately want to get back with) starts texting and calling me over the weekend. Now, I know she couldn't have heard I started dating anyone, because she lives two states away and we don't have the same social circle. So, the only answer is that women have some kind of radar or relationship device in their heads.

What's the deal?

[Radical Activist]

1. I always get more attention from women when I'm dating someone.

I assume its that I seem more confident and less needy.

[LostInAnomie]

2. I think it's more nefarious than that.

They're up to something.

[Radical Activist]

3. Well that goes without saying

women are always up to something. :)

[mcctatas]

4. Congratulations...

you are now on our super secret seek and destroy list! At our next conference we will be discussing the various and sundry ways to destroy your life;)

[Radical Activist]

6. Oh I've been on that list for a while

Didn't you get the memo?

[mcctatas]

7. you were on the normal seek and destroy list prior to this evening

now you are on the "super-secret" list and will be the recipient of our undivided attention;)

[Radical Activist]

9. haha

I kind of like the sound of that. :-)

[deucemagnet]

5. A friend of mine calls it the "hungry dog look".

When you're dating somebody you lose the hungry dog look and you get more attention from other women, or so his theory goes.

[Skittles]

8. here's the deal

your ex doesn't represent all women any more than you represent all men. You want I should kick your ass, Lost? :7

[HEyHEY]

10. I had a girl try that this weekend.

It was a regular.. uh... thing.... and she texted me saying she's now seeing someone. That was cool, so I told her no hard feelings and what not. Then she sent me a big explaination about me not wanting to actually date and all this... I sent her another text again saying don't worry it's cool.

THen, my buddy pointed out she may have been making it up to try to get me to chase her or something.

[orleans]

11. maybe. maybe not. n/t

[orleans]

12. radar or relationship device in our hads?

my answer would be........no. definately no

[moriah]

13. I've had the opposite, but only with one particular person.

Of course, he did know when I was with someone else.

He was my high school sweetheart. We split up for about six months in high school, and before I was supposed to go off to college we got back together and he proposed. We were engaged for a little less than a year, when he was obviously wanting to see someone else.

When I found someone else, though, he pursued me avidly. It really hurt one of my relationships because I still cared deeply for him and the guy I was with knew it. But when that relationship ended and I was free, he lost interest quickly.

I started refusing to deal with him when I was in a relationship because it seemed to encourage him when we both had to have know by that time that we were not meant for each other. It was hard to lose him as a friend, or at least as a close friend. When I got married there were issues, and when I first separated from my husband he wanted to start things back up. I refused. I didn't want to get hurt again by him, and I cared for him too much to consider even a "friends with benefits" situation.

I then met the man I've been with for the last four years. I think he could tell that this one was the one for me. He met a girl and they got married, and now have two children. When there are problems in the relationship, however, he will attempt to contact me and act flirty. I will sympathize with his problems and try to give advice but I rebuke any flirtation quickly.

I think part of the reason he acted this way was that he was deeply afraid of commitment. When I was with someone else, he was safe to pursue me. But when I was available, he got scared. He often pursued other unavailable women -- had a LDR with a girl in Switzerland, sought women who were dating or married but having problems in their relationship, women with serious emotional baggage that couldn't make an intellectual decision about commitment, women who were younger than he was and not interested in commitment.

----

In your case, it sounds more like bad timing. That's what I thought it was with that guy at first, but then saw the pattern too clearly to not recognize it.

I think I'm lucky that I've managed to be friends, or at least friendly, with all of my ex's (except for my ex-husband, but when you screw a 17 year old in MY fucking bed, I am not inclined to forget it easily, especially when I walk in on it). The guy who gave me my first kiss is a friend of mine, and at one point we did have a "friends with benefits" situation. He's pretty lonely right now, was talking a few nights ago online about he he was really wanting at least a sexual relationship with someone (but the person who has been his "buddy" lately has some really major issues and a scary record when it comes to keeping track of birth control). I said "I'd offer to help out but I'm very happily taken, sorry ..." His response "It's a damn shame, too." Then he said he was very happy for me that I'd found a good guy.

But I don't recommend getting back together with ex's. I also don't recommend LDRs or rebound relationships. Good luck...

[WinkyDink]

14. Yes, but it made ME drop him!