Oh My God! And I thought I was in hell before....

[Bennyboy]

Well. it is about to get about a bazillion times worse. My Mom (84)fell today and broke her hip.

So that means she will not be able to take care of my dad (83)like she has till now (even though it has been killing her). My dad can barely walk, needs his ass wiped etc....

My Dad is very abusive to everyone and there is no way an in home care worker will be able to deal with him for more than a couple of hours a day.

So that leaves guess who to deal with them. More than likely for no money. Constant abuse.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh god.

[JVS]

1. It sucks, but one must always be ready to do his duty.

[Zuiderelle]

2. Oh no. I'm so sorry.

That sounds like a really rotten situation. I hope it works out ok. It might be time to find a nursing home for him if he is that difficult, and especially if he needs medical attention/care. I assume he has medicare? Have you thought about that?

For what's to come... here's this.... :hug:

[Bennyboy]

4. He has been kicked out of nursing homes....

Nobody will take him. when I say abusive I MEAN ABUSIVE. Nobody in the family will ahve anything to do with him, my brother went so far as to move to Montana for the only reason to get away from him. Sold his business, house, and packed up his wife and kids and moved with no way to contact them.

Seriously he is the biggest jerk that has ever lived.

[Zuiderelle]

5. Then I really am terribly sorry.

The film The Savages has a central character that sounds a lot your dad. His daughter and son were able to get him into a nursing home though, and also make some sort of amends (at least between each other if not really with him) after a childhood of abuse at his hands. Not pretty.

I'm so sorry.

[BuelahWitch]

7. Oops sorry, I didn't see your reply before I posted

:hug:

[BuelahWitch]

6. I agree with Pelosifan

It's very difficult being a caregiver, especially if you're trying to hold down a full time job too. Do some research on nursing homes in your area and any city/county services on aging. it's a hard step to take but sometimes that's what you have to do. :hug:

[PassingFair]

3. That nasty attitude of his will disappear...

as soon as he finds out that no one HAS to wipe his ass.

Humility might be learned!

[zanne]

8. Home care workers are used to putting up with alot of abuse.

Some of the people they care for wouldn't be tolerated if the work had to be done for free. Under stand, many of them have dementia and can't help it but I'm sure it's still hard to put up with. I took care of my mother myself at home. She had Alzheimer's. Can I tell you something? Taking care of two elderly people, even if they are your parents and you love them very much, can ruin your health. I sincerely hope you manage to get some help in because you are going to need it, no matter how strong you are. I'll be thinking about you and hoping for the best.

[LeftyMom]

9. Medication. Lots of it.

A friend of mine has a stepfather (not nearly your Dad's age, his issue isn't senility,) who is either unable or unwilling to behave like a civilized human being. He hit his wife, only stopped hitting his kids when they were big enough to kick his ass, made crazy accusations about everybody they knew, etc. Unfortunately locking him up isn't an option, as apparently just beating the piss out of his tiny disabled wife doesn't constitute a danger to the community, but for the low low price of enough meds to knock out an elephant, a comfy couch to doze on and the full cable package for his rare waking moments, he's no longer a problem for anybody. I think his doctors finally realized it was that or they'd be hearing his name on the news for doing something like that one crazy Russian dude out in Syphilis Heights did a few years back (for non locals: they guy snapped, and killed something like a dozen members of his extended family in several different crime scenes, then was out on the bike trail with a hunting rifle.)

Either that of you can try to get him diagnosed as unstable and sent to one of the county's finer facilities. But they'll do the same thing, and your place is a hell of a lot cleaner and quieter, I'm sure.

[LaurenG]

10. maybe a doctor can add some xanax to his medication regimen

I am so sorry that this is happening. I hope your mom is doing ok. :hug:

[applegrove]

11. I'm sorry. Hope your mom gets better soon.

[SeaLyons]

12. Bennyboy, please get some help for your

situation. Contact your local area's Council on Aging, or your Medicare office. You can find them online. They can really help you either find the right medication for your Dad, or find an appropriate facility for him. Medication is probably the best thing.

I hope your Mom has a speedy recovery, and I certainly can emphathize with your situation. We went through a similar situation with my Mother (not abusive but needed 24 hour assistance). It's hard.

:hug:

[backscatter712]

13. Contact some mental health people. Seriously.

If your father is so abusive that even the professionals are throwing him out or refusing to treat him, he's got some issues. Maybe medication or some sort of therapy can help him, and help you retain your sanity when dealing with him.

[bertha katzenengel]

14. oh, God, bennyboy

Nothing I can say but I have good thoughts for you.

[raccoon]

15. Maybe his doctor can put him on some meds to calm him.

Sorry this is happening to you.