This is God posting as Monkeyfunk

[MonkeyFunk]

He's in the den playing with my Playstation 9, so I'm jumping in for a sec. I have some things to tell you:

- Knock it off. Just knock it off. You know what I mean.

- I TOTALLY spaced when doing the 10 Commandments. I don't know how it happened, but "Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's ox" should've been "Slavery is wrong." My bad.

- Signal when changing lanes.

- That "Sabbath Day" thing? A transcription error. Should've been "Thou shalt not wage war."

- We're JUST NOW starting to get your radio signals here in heaven. That "Lucy" is whacky!


Whoops! Here he comes... gotta run.

[newmajority]

1. So uh, God..... what about that whole "Sodom & Gomorrah" thing?

You know the fundies down here - pretty much the same type of people who were called "pharisees" when your son JC came down for a visit - they're trying to convince people that You are some Fred Phelps type and You nuked all of Sodom county because a gay guy wanted to get it on with an angel or something, and Lot's wife turned into a big salt shaker, so Lot got drunk and passed out, and then his daughters screwed him. But that's OK with You.

Uh, care to clear up that controversy?

[MonkeyFunk]

2. The destruction of Sodom

was a bit of an outburst on my part. It wasn't the gay thing, it was that they were REALLY inhospitable to my angel, Hank. I overreacted, I admit.

As for Lot, I got him and the girls into family counseling. They had some fucked up shit, and that's all I'll say.

[Maddy McCall]

3. Quick question, God.

A lot of the Christians around here are opposed to DNA cloning and such, yet they believe that a woman was created from the rib of a man.

How do you feel about that?

[MonkeyFunk]

4. Don't tell me you yahoos

think that rib nonsense was literal!

:rofl:

Clone away - no skin off my divine nose.

[YankeyMCC]

5. Why haven't the cheesemakers established their

hegemony yet?

[MonkeyFunk]

9. Just between you, me and the celestial gates

the cheesemakers are a bunch of whiny punks.

[DarkTirade]

16. But does their whine go well with their cheese?

In the end that's what really matters.

[terrya]

6. Could You do me a favor?

Could You...oh, I don't know...smite those people who use your name to spread hatred and bigotry and intolerance?

Thanks.

[MonkeyFunk]

8. There's no pleasing you people

If I smite, I'm a big ol' nasty-ass smiter. If I don't smite, I'm a push-over.

Can't you folks solve your own problems just once?

[LaurenG]

7. I always wondered what MonkeyFunk did while you posted.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ty6XkY3O7b8 :headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

[Orsino]

10. Oh. Thanks for clearing up that Sabbath thing millennia late.

NOT. We suffered through years of The Osbournes because the translators you inspired were slack. Nice omniscience there.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

11. If you are God then who is in the den and why do you appear to be

afraid of him?

[MonkeyFunk]

13. Have you SEEN Monkeyfunk when he's pissed?

:scared:

[TZ]

12. Hey God..

How come some of your children pretend you only wrote one book, not two or at least thinking only one means anything..
And WTF is with your "chosen ones" being the ones nobody else likes, whats up with that? What do you got agaisnt us anyway? Are you still holding that Golden Calf thing agaisnt us? That was like a bazillion years ago....

[MonkeyFunk]

14. Actually, I've written many books

I also write mysteries under a pseudonym, just like Joyce Carol Oats.

As for the Jews, they're not "my chosen people". We dated a couple times a few thousand years ago, but it never really got that serious.

And the Golden Calf was just tacky. Did you SEE that thing? It was like something my grandmother would have on her credenza, only she would've put a lampshade on it and a clock in its belly.

[elshiva]

15. What about Mormons?

Are they your chosen people? :shrug:

[Gormy Cuss]

17. God posting as Monkeyfunk? That's refreshing change.

It's usually the other way around.
:yoiks: