I'm telling a funny sad story.

[Chan790]

I was reading another thread and this story came to mind. I felt like telling it...because it amuses me.

I was live-in caretaker to my grandmother when she was dying of multiple metastatic cancers. 87 years old; a lifelong church-going Christian Republican woman who raised six kids, referred to her weekly bingo game and the penny-ante card game afterward as her "naughty vice", listened to Sean Hannity every day (Her daily-life was scheduled around never missing Rush, Hannity and the radio Catholic mass) never drank, cursed, or talked about "those things". (meaning...um...not going there. :scared:) Had given up smoking 20 years prior. She barely spoke at all and never had an opinion to a direct question. Cooking constantly in the kitchen. Oh...and it needs mention...I couldn't stand her.

Then Grandpa died...massive unexpected coronary. Grandma came out of her shell a bit. She started going to Foxwoods, she decided that she wanted a new kitchen and some paint, she took up watercolors, stopped listening to the radio. Left the house, decided that housework wasn't that important, actually ordered take-out. Hustled my kid brother (he was 19 or so at the time) at setback to the tune of $50 or so just because he was being a horse's ass. Still never drank or cursed or smoked.

Then she got her cancer diagnosis. First words out of her mouth: "Well...fuck." Then everything changed...there was nobody to impress, she didn't care what the kids (my mother and uncles) thought. Starts having company over, stops going to church, starts telling people precisely what she thinks. (Me: slacker. My mother: bitch. My oldest uncle: control freak. Assorted assholes: assholes.) That's the point my family leaned on me to move in. She decides that if she's dying anyways, she might as well enjoy it so she starts smoking again. Starts buying good whiskey. Pulls out old photo albums and shows me pictures and telling me stories about growing up in the 1920s; Grandma was wilder than I've ever dreamed of being. After 70 years of being prim for other people, she'd had enough and she was going to be herself, much to the dismay of my family. Drank, smoked, told lewd jokes and bawdy stories, raised hell, told people off, swore.

I loved it.

Then she died. :cry:

We had a funeral...in a church...and everybody pretended that the last 15 months never happened while I sat there stewing because she wanted none of this and realized I had inherited an obligation to be a thumb in the eye to the lame repressive decorum of my upper-class stiff-lipped New England family. Those assholes aren't putting me in a box.

[XemaSab]

1. .

:patriot:

[Dangerously Amused]

2. You're a great writer.

[latebloomer]

3. I love that story!

And I love feisty party animal old ladies! My husband's grandmother was one. Finally stopped partying, but had a mouth like a truck driver and told you EXACTLY what she thought of you!

[JTG of the PRB]

4. Great story, just great! Thanks for sharing that with us!

I hope that if I ever reach that point in my life, I can be that free as well.

Not that I'm as prim and proper as she was, but still... It might be nice to unwind when I get to that point.

[Carnea]

5. Your Grandmother sounds great.....

Sorry for your loss ..... It sounds like her last 18 months were a blessing to you....


(Fuck now I want to start drinking and smoking again.....) :toast: :hug:

[Chan790]

6. She was at the end...

Before Grandpa died she was very tightly-wound though.

Grandpa used think up horrible insane "opinions" to send her off the handle. The sort of stuff that everybody in the room knew was argument-bait...except her. He told her that they should euthanize Reagan and make sausage out of him. He told her that Ethiopians weren't black, they're navy blue. He told her during the Lewinsky scandal that part of the Presidential inauguration should be castration...the day before Bush's inauguration he's in the backyard sharpening the axe. She says "What are you doing?" He responds "Getting ready for the inauguration."

He was a prankster too...used to take her keys when he was mad at her and turn her car around because she couldn't back out of the driveway. He'd wait until dinner was nearly done and tell her he'd already ate. (He hadn't. She should have known he hadn't. He hadn't left the couch.) He used to tell stories...he'd only tell her the first half of the story (the same stories too), then he'd go do something else and never finish the story...and she'd fall for it every time. He'd hand her a box of 4,000 identical canceled stamps and tell her he needed them sorted. (He was a professional philatelist) We don't know for certain but we think he made small political donations in her name to Democrats just to irk her because after he died she kept getting thank you letters for "her" donations. (She was on the GOP town committee. She was mortified.)

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

7. This was a great read.

It put a smile on my face :)

[Pierre.Suave]

8. Your gramdma sounds like a wonderful lady

Your grandpa on the other hand doesnt sound like a very nice person.

Sorry, but that really stuck out to me.

[Chan790]

10. nah...it was all out of love.

They couldn't live without each other and frankly they couldn't live with each other either. She barely made it a year without him...she didn't want to make it even that long, I suspect. That was their relationship from the day they met...she was the foil, he was prankster. After 56 years of marriage, I think she was onto him.

In some twisted way, that's love...when someone makes you the butt of every joke and prank and you play along anyways knowing what's coming. She was the Charlie Brown to his Lucy. I never saw her sadder than pausing for an expected snark that wasn't ever going to come again.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

9. Your grandma was a pip...for fifteen months.

And that is a time I know you treasure more than anything.
That being said, she was raised in a time where women didn't argue with their husbands, took on their politics and cooked. This is how she was raised. And after so many years of that bullshit, she'd had enough. I think it probably bothered your mom and uncles that their mother wasn't who they thought she was. I guarantee they blame the cancer for her behavior because it's easier this way. And as for the funeral, funerals are for the living. Don't ever let anyone put you in a box. Tell them what you think. And when they freak, tell them this is from your grandmother and say it proud.
:hug:
I'm sorry you lost her. She sounds WONDERFUL.
Duckie