Are these statements about men correct?

[NJmaverick]

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same, they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men, most of them are the do it yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

Edit to add: :silly:

[ScreamingMeemie]

1. No, not one of them.

Not the man I loved anyway

[Radio_Lady]

58. They are kind of funny, at least they tickled my funny bone.

Where the hell is that bone?

:rofl:

[redqueen]

2. Yeah, and so are all the ones like that about women.

:eyes:

Jesus... really?

[KatyMan]

3. Answer:

1 yes
2 yes
3 yes
4 yes
5 yes
6 yes
7 yes
8 yes
9 yes
10 yes
11 yes
12 yes
13 yes
14 yes
15 yes

And yes, I'm a man. An enlightened, married one at that. Married and aged long enough to realize the truth ;)

ETA-- it's a joke, it's funny, not serious (with a nod towards the above posts)

[DS1]

4. People who laugh at these things are dipshits.

[KatyMan]

5. Boy

There's some serious 'lightening up' that needs to be done around here. JOKE people! JOKE!

[NJmaverick]

6. Couldn't agree more

[redqueen]

7. For it to count as a JOKE, it has to be FUNNY.

This kinda lowbrow shit is older than dirt, and almost never funny.

[NJmaverick]

14. Guess I have to work on raising my brow

:beer:

[redqueen]

19. Not all lowbrow shit is a complete waste of time...

but this... heh... well, there's a reason it's mostly only seen in spam e-mails. :)

[NJmaverick]

21. Hey people all have different senses of humor

not sure if there is a right or wrong sense of humor.

[redqueen]

23. That would be your opinion, and it'd be a wrong one.

;)

:7

[madinmaryland]

22. Here's a joke for your enjoyment....

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

:hi:

[Radio_Lady]

59. Ha! That's a good one -- from the Paleozoic age, as I recall?

:hi:

[Dogtown]

37. NOT FUNNY

This is cheap sexist bullshit disguised as humor.

It isn't funny, cute, or entertaining.

This same tedious shit has been posted a thousand times in the lounge, and it's STILL not funny.

[NJmaverick]

39. Between April 7th and now, this joke has been posted a thousand

times?

[Dogtown]

43. ?

oh, you think since I wasn't posting, I couldn't be reading!

Now, THAT'S funny.



And you're stupid.

:eyes:

[NJmaverick]

44. I am betting you like this game

http://secondlife.com/

:hi:

[Dogtown]

47. See, you can be funny

You just have to stretch yourself a bit.

[redqueen]

51. Hahahahahah

:thumbsup:

[GCP]

18. Agree totally

:thumbsup:

[Finn Polke]

31. Some of 'em are teh funneh

I liked the one about the Moon. HAR!!!!

[grace0418]

57. I can totally picture which women in my office would send around stuff like this.

And they're pretty much the only ones who laugh at it.

[amitten]

68. And yet if this were a list about women, I'm pretty sure you'd be

amused.

[DS1]

72. You'd be wrong.

Do yourself a favor and stop thinking you know anything about me.

[amitten]

74. I know about your sense of humor from the things you post. n/t

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. some of them are statements about human beings and not just men

Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers.

is really

Don’t imagine you can change a person, unless he/she is in diapers.

or

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

can just as easily be


What do you do if your girlfriend walks out? You shut the door.

etc

others are just condescending bullshit and lies.

[NJmaverick]

10. Interesting observation

Looking back on the list, it looks like you're right.:hi:

as for the second half, do you realize this is a humorous post?

[KatyMan]

11. I don't mean to be ornery

but jeez. Yes there are serious, awful things going on in the world, and an extremely important election coming up, and people are dying daily thanks to GWB, but it is ok to make dumb jokes. Actually the best jokes are dumb ones. Here's what was my mom's favorite:

What's worse than a man with a wooden leg?
A man with a cedar chest.

So is that offensive to people with wooden legs? I think it's probably more offensive to men with cedar chests, but they're probably a minority.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. then why ask the question if these statements are correct?

if you dont want a response?

[NJmaverick]

17. I found the list pretty funny. Couldn't think of a really good title

so I settled for the that one. I didn't realize that there was some sort of humor code, that all lounge posts had to meet.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. if you ask a question about something you should expect to hear answers

had you titled it "funny joke at the expense of men" i would hardly have bothered to respond.

[Fox Mulder]

9. This is the dumbest thing I've read all day...

and I've already been to GD: P.

[Dr. Strange]

12. That's the second greatest comeback I've ever seen on DU.

Second only to MrCoffee's legendary "So's your face!"

I may have to steal it!

[Oeditpus Rex]

13. 1 and 10 are

But they also apply to both genders.

[NJmaverick]

15. What about number 9?

I could see that one working

[Oeditpus Rex]

25. I disqualified that one

You tell me I'm too old for something, I'm likely to agree with you.

[NJmaverick]

45. You know you have reached a great place, when you can give that answer

takes all the pressure off

[Blue-Jay]

24. Every horrible thing that you can say about men is correct.

We're bad, stupid people and everyone should hate us.

[redqueen]

26. Especially your penises!

They're horrible and awful and good for nothing!

BOO PENISES!

[Blue-Jay]

27. PENISES!

Horrible creatures!

I'm currently shaking my fist at my penis!

:yoiks:

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. It's rather freaking presumptuous that you think you can just

walk around with them on the outside of your bodies instead of neatly tucked away inside...like guinea pigs do...

[Blue-Jay]

29. Be quiet, Woman!

I'm trying to concentrate on shaking my fist.

[BarenakedLady]

33. Oh, is that what you were doing?

[redqueen]

30. I was only lying. I actually think they're wonderful.

I'm a phallophile. :)

[Blue-Jay]

32. Silly looking things.

[redqueen]

36. Once again, a wrong opinion.

[Dr. Strange]

35. I knew it!

redqueen's a phallophile!
redqueen's a phallophile!

[JVS]

71. she has a penis fetish!

lol

[Dogtown]

38. You might have them too close together

to be convincing.


:hi:

[Bake]

55. If you don't stop it you'll go BLIND!!

:rofl:

Bake

[PVnRT]

73. Right on! I plan on strangling mine tonight.

[redwitch]

41. And they look like naked mole rats!

:scared:



tee hee

[redqueen]

42. EW!

Penis with teeth = NOT a good image. :P

[redwitch]

46. Especially with Carrot Top's 'do!

Damn you phiboy!

[Starbucks Anarchist]

62. I'm gonna slap some sense into mine.

:hide:

[JVS]

70. Hate us all you want, just bring us sandwiches and beer!

[Zavulon]

34. Keep in mind I'm answering in "as a general but reliable rule" mode here...

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers. - True

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. - Good advice

3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there. - No, let the Democrats stay

4. Never let your man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out alone. - Actually, you're better off letting him do it.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway. - True

6. Men are all the same, they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. - Not true at all.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. - Not true, some of us choose to remain bachelors.

8. Women don’t make fools of men, most of them are the do it yourself types. - Not 100% true, but not unreasonable.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it. - Either that or go through his stomach / pants.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Very true, and it scares the shit out of some of us.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. - That's one way to go about it, but another is to be hot and rich.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions. - Completely true.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks. - Great advice if you're trying to get rid of him.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. - Sorry, but most men are a lot better at telling jokes than most women are. Men are less worried about who they'll offend.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal. - Nope.

[applegrove]

40. I don't agree with most of those jokes. Men are cool. As long as they

are grown.

[NJmaverick]

48. grown or grown up?

[applegrove]

56. Grown up.

[zanne]

49. Number 14 is SO true!

And the wordx "tell me about yourself" are only good for 30 seconds, after which he tells you about himself for the rest of the night.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

50. The only one that isn't sexist is No. 1, and it's equally true of men and women

You cannot enter a relationship with the hope of changing your SO. They won't change unless they want to for reasons of their own.

[PassingFair]

52. Those statements are neither correct, nor funny...but THESE statements...

are both FUNNY and TRUE:

How To Shower Like A Woman...

* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your
boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush
to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut
so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added
vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced
with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off of hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you
must make sure that it has all come off).
* Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to
get it waxed instead.
* Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you
lose the water pressure.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces inn the shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.
* Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African
Country.
* Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
* Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found.
* Return to bedroom wearing bathrobe and towel on head.
* If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any
exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour-and-a-half
getting dressed.


How To Shower Like A Man...
* Take off clothes while sitting in the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along
the way, flash her making the ''woo, woo'' sound.
* Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to
see your pecs. Admire the size of your weiner in the mirror, stratch
your balls.
* Get in shower. Don't bother looking for a washcloth. You don't use
one.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
* Wash your privates and surrounding area.
* Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
* Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
* Make a shampoo Mohawk.
* Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
* Pee (in the shower).
* Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the
floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you
checked your Mohawk.
* Partially dry off.
* Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles .Admire wiener size.
18. Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on the floor.
* Leave bathroom light and fan on.
* Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your balls, shout ''Oh yeah,
baby!'' and thrust your pelvis at her.
* Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

[fed_up_mother]

76. Those are funny because they don't attack the character of men or women

The first list wasn't funny. Your lists are - I love the "quirks."

[datasuspect]

53. i have a big cock

so shit like that doesn't bother me.

[PeaceNikki]

54. Hey bebe...

[Unvanguard]

61. Yeah, real manly men don't mind sexism!

It's only the pathetic insecure ones who care about things like the propagation of sex stereotypes....

[datasuspect]

69. it is what it is

and it is huge.

[madinmaryland]

65. Nice post, Hummer Driver!!1!!

Obviously compensating!!1!!

:hi:

[Unvanguard]

60. No. Tiresome and unfunny, but not correct. n/t

[Xipe Totec]

63. replies...

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers.

Yup

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

Yup.

3. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.

Yup. And women too; It's pointless to go without you....

4. Never let your man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out alone.

Nope. If you close his inner world, he'll wonder out into the real one.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

Damn straight. I've only loved one woman younger than me, and it was a fucking disaster.

6. Men are all the same, they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

Yup. Where's the problem.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Nope. A man who offers more misery than any women is willing to tolerate.

8. Women don’t make fools of men, most of them are the do it yourself types.

Yup. We are fools. And we are loved by bigger fools.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

Yup. ANd you promised yo would never tell out secret.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Yup. Both ways...

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

Nope. Not all of us have been committed yet.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

Where the fuck is Israel?...

Oh, he's in the tent with Sarah...


13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

That's true; put your cards on the table, so he knows the price...

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

Men are born with a sense of humor. Women humor men.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

But some have bigger wallets than others.

[leeroysphitz]

64. Wow. If i posted an equally insulting list about women I would probably get tombstoned.

Great list. Lots of laughs. :eyes:

[madinmaryland]

66. ..

He likes to stir up shit in teh lounge.

:shrug:

[Dr. Strange]

67. Watch it, you!

Pool-pisser-inner!

[Help_I_Live_In_Idaho]

75. They are all appropriate and funny

Anyone notice how men don't go ape shit like all the women did when it was suggested that the word "bitch" might not be so bad except in how they think about it.

At least men have on good quality - they don't go ape when it is suggested they might have flaws related to gender like men do.

:nopity: