so my mom said she hates my art

[Rising Phoenix]

moms don't say shit like that unless you must make utter crap....does my work suck?

[MissMillie]

1. I think you have a very interesting perspective

I like your art.

[Rising Phoenix]

3. thanks, I'm really not just fishing for compliments

not that that is why you said that.....I know that art is subjective, but aren't moms supposed to be proud of their kids efforts, even if it is not to their taste.....she clearly was not

[MissMillie]

any chance mom is just having a bad day?

not that I'm trying to make excuses for her... She just might not be in a very supportive mood today.

And to play a little bit of devil's advocate: she can be proud of you even if your art isn't to her liking.


There's a lot of stuff my son does that I don't like. But I'm still proud of him.

[Rising Phoenix]

13. everyday is a bad day, unfortutunately

[MissMillie]

22. I'm sorry

:hug:

Some people make better support systems than others. I don't know why your mom is deficient in this area, but there probably is a good explanation for it, even if that good explanation is that she just doesn't get the whole "support system" thing.

It could be she thinks that she's using some form of "tough love" on you and that she thinks be being frank about her taste you'll do something different.

Love her anyway and look for your support elsewhere. And don't take it personally. I'm betting that she has no real intent to be hurtful.

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

25. I do love her, and I worry about her

my brothers and sister and I get support from each other, because my mom just isn't in the right place to give it

[Rising Phoenix]

67. about 4 years ago

she had brain anyeruism and a partial frontal lobodomy....I def think that has something to do with it, though she wasn'tmuch different before.... love my mom

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. no. did she say why she hated your art?

[Rising Phoenix]

6. her main complaint

my subject matter, she hates that I paint nude females most of the time and said "I could understand it if you were at least good at it.....but why all the boobs....?"

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. do you think her issue is more about your desire for the female body?

cos thats what i would assume

[Rising Phoenix]

15. probably

that is what my sister said, that she just doesn't like my being bi.....she is so passive aggressive though, I wish she would talk to me about my sexual oreientation rather than taking a such a personal stab

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. i have a passive aggressive mother too so i sympathize

[Sequoia]

48. Because they are like mountains, and montains are better than flat land.

Can we see your art?

[EFerrari]

74. Introduce her to Frida Kahlo and tell her to get back to you.

:)

[Pierre.Suave]

4. Thats not very nice

I have never seen your art, but I am sure it is not crap.

[Rising Phoenix]

7. thanks

[Guava Jelly]

5. No

People are just assholes.
Keep painting,keep dreaming, and do what makes you happy.
And ignore anyone who tries to discourage you from doing what you love.
:)

[Rising Phoenix]

8. thanks hon

[IndianaJones]

9. perhaps it makes her uncomfortable. nt.

[Rising Phoenix]

11. yes

I believe it does

[NJmaverick]

10. Well every mom is different

Still it's possible that she doesn't approve of art in general (especially if you are talking about it as a career). Beyond that, what qualifies her as an art critic?

[Rising Phoenix]

nothing, I know that

but she out right said that she was not proud of me, I guess I am a little too old to be looking for my mothers validation, and a lifetime of not getting it should have prepared me for this....it just hurt

[NJmaverick]

33. I don't think you are ever too old to not want or at least appreciate the approval of your parents

Did you ask her why she felt the way she did? Maybe ask her what she thinks you should do differently?

[Sequoia]

50. Well, that's really mean.

I could never say that to my child. Maybe she's jealous.

[LaraMN]

14. Conversely, I assert that if your mom hates it,

it MUST be good!

:D :hug:

It doesn't suck. A piece of art means something different to everyone who looks at it.

[Rising Phoenix]

19. lol, thanks hon

its true she isn't exactly my target audience

[AlCzervik]

16. I'm sorry she said that.

Sometimes people can say some really thoughtless hurtful things without thinking.

[Rising Phoenix]

20. thanks hon

[malta blue]

17. I'm sorry.

I don't think your art is crap.

Elephant dung on a stick - if you call that art, then it IS crap, but I don't think what you do (at least from what I have seen) is crap.

:hug:

People are cruel sometimes.

My mom says my laugh is "weird" and tells me to "stop it" :shrug:

[Rising Phoenix]

23. stop laughing....never

and I guess the same goes for me....stop painting.....never

[skygazer]

18. Is your mom an art critc?

Moms say a lot of nasty, hurtful stuff - doesn't make it right.

[leftyclimber]

24. When I was in the arts, my mom criticized me incessantly

and spend a lot of time telling me how I would end up an impoverished failure, which I decidedly did not.

I tried to pretend like it didn't bother me, but it hurt like hell.

:hug:

[Rising Phoenix]

27. glad you did so well....and proved your mom wrong

hehe that is always fun.....

it does hurt

[leftyclimber]

29. Keep doing what you're doing.

It helped me a lot to find a family outside of my biological one. They are the ones I can lean on in tough times.

If it hadn't been one thing I was doing, it would have been another. Sometimes parents are shitty without truly meaning to be. It's sad for them and for their kids. Nobody wins.

:hug:

[Reverend_Smitty]

26. You make art because it makes you feel good...

and it doesn't matter what anybody else says. I'm sorry your mom can't be more supportive but I've seen some of the work you've posted here and it is most certainly *not* crap

[Rising Phoenix]

28. thank you so much

[Wetzelbill]

30. My mom thinks she's a better writer than me

which is kind of like saying somebody who shoots hoops in the backyard is better than an NBA player. Sometimes people say things about something they know absolutely nothing about. It happens. It might be ignorance, they might just be being a jerk, and it could be from somebody you don't know or somebody who loves you. What is important is what you think about your art. Does it work for you? Do you get out of it what you need? You do it to express yourself in some manner, and, in the end, what matters is if that expression works for you. If other people like it, good, if they don't, and, pardon my language, but fuck 'em. You do it for your own reasons.

I'll give you an example. I write mostly because I like to tell stories and entertain. My first published story was about my home reservation and very funny. Everybody loved it, it was hilarious. But over the years I've grown. I write about different things sometimes now, more artistic stuff and in a highly stylized manner. I am 100 times better than I used to be. But some people don't really like my work as much. They wish I just wrote funny reservation stuff like I started out doing. I still write humor, but, I do other things too. Things that I am interested in like say incorporating feminist themes, and it satisfies me more. Now when I write a story, I enjoy that people like it, but even if some don't I still feel fulfilled because I personally got something out of it. It's enriching.

Work to enrich yourself, you'll never totally please others, even those close to you. :)

[asthmaticeog]

42. Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. She probably would have written "a better writer than I." nt

[Wetzelbill]

44. I would be

since I have been published quite a bit. I don't exactly edit my posts the way I would anything else. But your critique is really useless nowadays, because people don't follow traditional rules like that anymore. Either way works. Mostly people won't follow that specific rule when they speak, but in contemporary writing people break it all the time too. Just depends. People don't go around saying things like "It is I" because they'd get punched for acting like a dork, so it makes sense that writing breaks rules to be more similar to speaking patterns.

[asthmaticeog]

45. I'm a published writer too. But thanks anyway, for the helpful lecture.

You kind of deserve to get punched for acting like a dork even if you DO butcher the language.

[Wetzelbill]

61. yeah well you do too

for being a jerk in the first place. You act like you have something against me sometimes. Seriously, it was totally out of the vein of the thread to comment on grammar, when the OP was feeling bad about something. I spent two seconds on the subject line, I didn't check for a typo or anything, who cares? It's a message board.

[EstimatedProphet]

72. From what I've seen, he doesn't have anything against you

What I think he has a grudge against is statements like My mom thinks she's a better writer than me which is kind of like saying somebody who shoots hoops in the backyard is better than an NBA player.

Do you not understand how arrogant that sounds? It doesn't matter whether you've been published or not - you're holding yourself up as superior to your mother. It also doesn't matter that she did it first; 2 arrogants don't make a non-arrogant.

[RadiationTherapy]

31. That's a jerk ass thing to say to your kid!

My brother and I create audio art as well as videos and stories. My mom definitely does not like it, but she is always supportive and criticizes in a useful way.


Next time say, "Mom, your criticism is unhelpful and thus invalid."


AND ANOTHER THING!! The symbolism of "boobs" (nurturing, comforting, curved, female) is what our out of balance world needs more of. That's why I grew my very OWN boobs.


I love boobs. (.)(.)

[Rising Phoenix]

60. thanks love

[LisaM]

32. Is your mother a frustrated artist?

I have to ask, particularly in light of the story the other poster told about the mother who thinks she is a better writer.

It could just be a case of seriously frustrated ability and jealousy. I don't know the ages of the mothers in question, but maybe they just feel unfulfilled and are trying to lash out and hurt someone else.

I would love to SEE the art in question!

[BarenakedLady]

34. No it doesn't suck

But your work is very raw and painful at times. It is probably hard for her to look at, imo. You are her baby afterall.

[Midlodemocrat]

35. That was a mean thing for her to say.

She must have a reason behind it. I would encourage her to express why she said such an unkind thing.

As a mom, you are supposed to say encouraging things to your children. Which is why when I tell TM that she looks pretty, she rolls her eyes and says 'you have to say that, you're my mom'.

I think there is something deeper going on here. Your art is very nice, BTW.

[Deep13]

36. I don't think you can generalize what mothers say.

Mine says some pretty bizarre shit. They don't have any special insite into what is good art.

[harmonicon]

37. well, that sucks - I'm sorry

I thinks it's fine if your parents don't like your art.... I don't think my parents like my music, or even understand it, but they do recognize that I'm committed to it and are very supportive. It sucks that she said that, but I wouldn't let it reflect how you feel about your work - just how you feel about your mom.... haha... oh, that's awful :/ Does she a museum director? Famous art critic? Respected gallery owner? If Arthur Danto told you that your art sucks, maybe you should be worried, but until then, I think your fine.

[pitohui]

38. i have no idea about your work, but your mom sure sounds like a piece of work

it is not a mom's job to tear you down, and if she is tearing you down, then you need to ask yourself why

does the art threaten your mom? -- too brutal, too honest, too disturbing, too "what will the neighbors think"? -- in that case, you still have to make your art honest, but you have to also understand and cut her some slack

or is your mom just trying to tear you down, so that you will follow the career path of her choosing and not your own? in that case, again, it is not a judgment on your art, and you may want some distance from your mom until she understands that your life is yours to run

some moms are just plain nasty people, there is no law that says sociopaths can't give birth, i HOPE your mom is not in that category but if she is, again, no use taking her comment as a critique of your art, some people just get a cheap thrill tearing other people down and it wouldn't matter of you were picasso himself

in short, there are lots of reasons why mom might crap on your art, that have nothing to do with the quality of your work

[ceile]

39. Geez.

Sounds like your mom and my mom went to the same parenting class. I ignore my mom most of the time-keeps me sane.

[Haole Girl]

40. See my sig line

:hug:

[Inchworm]

41. Here is a snipit of one of my favorite speeches

May it set you freeeeeee! hehe. I love your art.

:yourock:

:hug:
________________________________

Remarks at Amherst College
President John F. Kennedy
Amherst, Massachusetts
October 26, 1963

http://www.amherst.edu/magazine/issues/0304fallwinter/jfk/audio_clips/kennedy5.mp3

"...The artist, however faithful to his personal vision of reality, becomes the last champion of the individual mind and sensibility against an intrusive society and an officious state. The great artist is thus a solitary figure. He has, as Frost said, a lover's quarrel with the world. In pursuing his perceptions of reality, he must often sail against the currents of his time. This is not a popular role. If Robert Frost was much honored in his lifetime, it was because a good many preferred to ignore his darker truths. Yet in retrospect, we see how the artist's fidelity has strengthened the fibre of our national life.

If sometimes our great artist have been the most critical of our society, it is because their sensitivity and their concern for justice, which must motivate any true artist, makes him aware that our Nation falls short of its highest potential. I see little of more importance to the future of our country and our civilization than full recognition of the place of the artist.

If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him. We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth. And as Mr. MacLeish once remarked of poets, there is nothing worse for our trade than to be in style. In free society art is not a weapon and it does not belong to the spheres of polemic and ideology. Artists are not engineers of the soul. It may be different elsewhere. But democratic society--in it, the highest duty of the writer, the composer, the artist is to remain true to himself and to let the chips fall where they may. In serving his vision of the truth, the artist best serves his nation. And the nation which disdains the mission of art invites the fate of Robert Frost's hired man, the fate of having "nothing to look backward to with pride, and nothing to look forward to with hope..."

Listen to/read full Speech/transcript here.
http://www.jfklibrary.org/Historical+Resources/Archives/Reference+Desk/Speeches/JFK/003POF03Amherst10261963.htm

Fight the Power!

:D

[unpossibles]

43. if it helps, my dad was pretty uncomfortable with some of my paintings

the series that had naked dudes in it.

[Westegg]

46. Is your real name "Thomas Kinkade"? If so, mom may be right.

[realisticphish]

49. lol

good lord I hate him

[Fran Kubelik]

47. Aw phooey

I'm sorry to hear that. That's not very nice at all. :hug: Don't let it discourage you. I'm totally jealous of your ability and drive, artistically.

[ScreamingMeemie]

51. Your work doesn't suck. At the end of the day it is how you feel about

it that defines the art. It is your creation, yours alone...and some will hope to call it theirs while others will walk away. But, at the end of the day it is all up to how you feel about what you have done. :hug:

[KG]

52. i like it.

so, there!

[khashka]

53. My mom hates my art and my writing

She thinks art should be pretty and match the decor. I think it should be challenging and make you see things in a new way. And she only reads truecrime/serial killer books. That's not what I write. But if she reads anymore of my unfinished stories again I'm gonna slap her - they aren't finished, edited, or meant to be read yet.

I like your artwork. But people have different tastes. Maybe your art just doesn't appeal to your mom, doesn't mean it's bad.

Khash.

[DarkTirade]

54. Sounds like your mom has issues with nekkidness.

I think your art is fantabulous. Art is about translating something onto canvas, and everything I've seen of yours is bursting with something. :)

[SarahB]

55. So moms are mean jerks.

Mine is. It took a long time to realize she doesn't approve of anyone really. She has her own issues. Yours probably does too. :hug:

[SammyWinstonJack]

57. Yeah my mom left when I was barely two years old and I haven't seen her since.

Well I did see her once when I was 10. :shrug: As bad as she was, my step mom was worse.

[SammyWinstonJack]

56. Well I think your art is very introspective. And in that way it suits you and that is beautiful.

:loveya:

[latebloomer]

58. That's a very toxic statement she made

and it has everything to do with her issues, and nothing to do with your talent.

My mother has a lot of issues, too, and I find it helpful to distance myself by telling myself that she is not a well woman and I should not let myself be affected by her negative attitudes and behavior.

And, yes, to paraphrase someone uplist, friends are the family you can CHOOSE!

Hang in there, and keep being creative and expressing your true self.

:hug:

[SammyWinstonJack]

59. !!!

:thumbsup:

[Forkboy]

62. Your art is doing what all good art does then.

It's making people think, and just maybe making someone confront something about themselves in the process. In your mom's case she's obviously uncomfortable not with the art itself, but what it represents. I don't know your family situation, but it might be an opening to discuss the real issue behind her comments. If not then it's really her loss.

In the end, while I'm sure you'd like her approval, both artistically and otherwise, you need to keep doing your art in whatever way makes you happy. Ultimately, you're the only audience that counts.

Personally, I think your art is very cool.

[SammyWinstonJack]

63. Her art mirrors her emotions, I think. It is cool.

[nuxvomica]

64. Where might one see some of your art?

All I've seen is the wonderful back-of-bookcase painting you posted that I think is just the cat's pajamas. Post some more or direct me to where I can see some more. Please.

[Rising Phoenix]

69. here is my latest

on the back of the purple poly bookcase..... I'll send you some more tomroorw....am working on a website


to go with my new room\

my 5th self portrait


latest self portrait

pri

[suninvited]

71. I especially like the

first and last.

I don't like the third that much, not that it isn't good, I just think all that red looks violent.

Nice work, but I can see how a mother might not appreciate it. She still shouldn't call it crap.

[Rising Phoenix]

73. thank you

I've had a violent life, though my mom knows nothing about it.....I'm not expecting her to love it or even like it....but it would be nice to hear I"m glad it makes you happy

[Fran Kubelik]

76. really lovely, RP.

I am sorry your mom doesn't get it, and even sorrier still that she thinks it is ok to be so insensitive in her remarks. :hug: I like your art a lot, especially how open you are with your feelings and how that shines through.

[nuxvomica]

78. Your work does not suck at all but I have a suggestion

The paintings in which you show the subject's eyes are the most compelling. I think you have a unique talent for painting expressive, intriguing eyes.

[ghostsofgiants]

65. Fuck no it doesn't suck.

[Ariana Celeste]

66. i used to write poetry

granted it was fairly emo and sophomoric, but i was a teenager. got high grades for it in creative writing and my teacher praised my potential. this was stuff i really didnt share with people, to me it all dealt with very personal emotion. finally shared it with my dad and he said he hated it and why cant i ever write about something happy. i really havent written since. everytime ive tried im just blocked. i let his unease with my depression get in the way of my passion.

dont let your mothers opinion do that to you, i love every piece i have seen you share with us. art is way more than one persons opinion

[Deja Q]

68. My two cents

I prefer it when my parents are honest; even when it's something they're not going to like. It makes those times when they were proud of me even more rewarding, and I've felt honored by some of what they've said.

Now art IS subjective, but it's turning art into something that will give you a steady income (assuming that's possible, anymore). Is it possible that is where your mom is coming from; the implication being she doesn't like (or hates) your involvement in art because it's harder to make a living in that field?

[Rising Phoenix]

70. thank you all for all your support

I am not trying to make a full time living off art, though that would be nice. I don't paint for my mom....or anyone else but me....she doesn't approve of my talents, looks, relationhsiops.....she just loves my personality....which is made possible from my artistic release....my mom has been through hell and back....and I guess she can do her thing and I can do mine.....thats all there is too it

[Danger Mouse]

75. of course it doesn't.

[Chan790]

77. My mom says that...

moms don't know shit about aesthetics. I live in a house full of Kincaid. QED.

Actually it's been my experience and a general consensus among my artsy friends that most parents hate their adult children's art unless it's selling for a lot of money or is really really "safe"...you know...crappy sofa prints, kincaid-esque dreck, Elvis on velvet, Hallmark card art, paintings of Jesus. I don't know a single artist who became an artist in order to produce crap or get rich.

the worst one...my friend Rissa, her mother tells her almost-daily that her talent is a waste of her life and she should quit and become a nurse so she can marry a nice doctor.

(I don't think I've seen your artwork.)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

79. she's just jealous...

trust me.... I know :hug:

[woo me with science]

80. Obviously you are abused.

Mom should love everything you create, even your poopies.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

81. whats the unnecessary sarcasm for?

[woo me with science]

82. It was a JOKE. Sheesh.

I just gotta have some sympathy for this poor mother, who is being pilloried by some above simply because her artistic tastes don't line up with those of her ADULT child.

I should clarify that the joke/sarcasm was more in response to some of the replies than the original poster, whose comment and exclamation I took (hopefully correctly) as rather tongue-in-cheek. But such comments always attract the professional victims who love to interpret abuse wherever they can find it.