I saw a little boy in a restaurant tonight and almost burst into tears

[skygazer]

I'm the strong, silent type but little boys get to me. My little boy is 20 years old and I've seen him once since he was 11. :(

When I see little boys with dark eyes and dark hair, out with their moms or riding their bikes or doing all the things little boys do, it makes me see all the things I've missed with MY little boy.

Damn! I hate it when those doors - the ones that hold back all the things that I don't want let out - slip open!

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. oh, that is a terrible ache! *hugs*

[hippywife]

2. I'm so sorry, hon.

Wish all your hurt could be taken away and I hope one day those old hurts can be mended and a relationship established. :hug:

[Darth_Kitten]

3. I'm sorry you are feeling this way.....

Can I pry just a little....why can't you see your boy? :(

[skygazer]

4. It's a long, involved story

He went to live with his dad when he was 11. Dad's in Virginia, I'm in California. He was supposed to visit regularly but his dad always had an excuse and I couldn't afford either the trip out there (since his dad left me pretty well broke) or the court costs to try to force the issue.

We have a good relationship considering all that. He's busy with his life now but we talk on the phone - he always says, "I love you, Mom" which means everything. But it hurts to feel like like I missed so much and when I let myself think about it, I question whether I made the right choices, whether I could have done something else, and I can't help feeling a lot of guilt.

Guilt sucks.

[Darth_Kitten]

5. You don't deserve to feel guilty.....

My heart is breaking for you, because Mothers are so hard on themselves.

Sounds like YOU were keeping up your job as a Mom. You can't go back in time, thinking you can change things. :hug: If you couldn't afford things, don't beat yourself up.

You seem like a sentimental soft heart. :) Don't beat yourself up....you are still a Mom and you have a 20 year old son who loves you. :)

[auntAgonist]

6. my heart cries for you .

:hug:

You can always go forward, you cannot go backwards. Be kind to yourself.
:hug: :hug: :hug:

Sometimes you have to let the door stand open for a while :)
tears can be healing.

aA

[Left Is Write]

7. .........

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

8. Oh... that's so sad...

:hug:

[AspenRose]

9. I'm so sorry.

:hug: