Can someone take over for me and continue to bang my head against this wall?

[Connonym]

Is there anything harder than coparenting with an ex? He leaves it for me to take our daughter to the psychiatrist and schedule therapy and a neuropsychological evaluation for her learning disability, tells me he's been saying for YEARS that she has a learning disability but then every time they try to prescribe ritalin or have her in regular counseling he complains that *I'm* trying to drug her into being a zombie and make her miss school for all these doctor appointments when all she needs is to be yelled at and brow beaten in order for her brain to focus. If he thinks I'm manipulating the doctor why doesn't he fucking come along for the fucking visit and discuss this with the doctor?

And furthermore that it's some sort of liberal conspiracy to undermine the school system (which is run by liberals anyway so omg I must be a self-despising liberal) by feeling that it's okay for her to miss 90 minutes of school once or twice a month to go to therapy because MAYBE, JUST MAYBE the therapy will offer her more than what she's missing out on sitting in school. And perhaps if he'd be willing to put himself out and shut off the fucking TV while she's doing her homework that maybe that would be a teeny tiny start in allowing her to focus on learning instead of him learning new tricks from Bill O'Reilly on how to froth at the mouth and spin your head like an uneducated moron who believes that you don't have to be right you just have to yell the loudest and make the most accusations?

I'm so fucking tired of this. So. fucking. tired.

[Gonzo Gardener]

1. All I got...

is hugs for you. :hug:

[ThomCat]

2. I wish the best for your daughter.

:hug:

I'm sorry that it's such a fight to get her what she needs. :(

[Redstone]

3. Good God. I cannot imagine having to deal with an ADD kid (I have two of them) who doesn't get

the medication that he or she needs, because of an assholish ex-spouse.

I wish, I REALLY wish, I had some advice to offer, but I don't.

Redstone

[Connonym]

4. Thanks to all for your kindness

I've said all along that perhaps if she displayed more of the disruptive hyperactivity the school would be more proactive but she's a little sweetheart with her behavior (energetic to be sure but not in a bad way) but her ability to focus on a task is nearly nonexistent and she's falling farther and farther behind in school to the point where she's starting to refer to herself as stupid and I hate that. Her dad thinks that yelling and discipline is what she needs and maybe that works if what a kid is doing is being obnoxious but I've yet to see any evidence that yelling at a kid to pay attention actually makes their mind better able to focus. If anything it just makes matters worse. I hate watching her drop through the cracks.

I had a long talk with my mom about it tonight and finally called my ex and told him that if he's not willing to come to an agreement about a commitment to treatment and counseling that I was willing to go to court and either attempt to get sole physical placement and decision making power or else have a guardian ad litem appointed. At that point he took the name and number of the psychiatrist and promised he would call and discuss it and then accompany us to our next visit. He's still going to be resistant but I guess that just means that I'll have to make sure to schedule all of her therapy sessions when she's in my physical placement (we share alternate week custody). The only real issue then is whether or not he enforces her taking her medication on the weeks she lives with him and, again, there I can either get the courts involved or else have the doctor write up an order to have it administered at school each morning. I'm not going to let her fail because her dad is being a dickhead.

[MassLiberal]

5. I'm so sorry

I'm dealing with similar issues with one of my kids, but my spouse is working on it with me. I have often thought how much harder it would all be if he weren't. My heart goes out to you -- you've got a double whammy, with your child struggling and you having to struggle to get her what she needs. Peace to you.

[Radio_Lady]

6. Connonym, I have now outlived my ex-husband, and it's funny how death

wipes away all of the antagonism. We divorced in 1971 and he could not stand to even be in the same room with me.

Now I feel sorry that he did not live to enjoy the four grandchildren that have been born to our two adult children.

I am so sorry for all you have to go through. Your burden seems much greater than mine. Our kids had no big health problems, but there were continuous fights over name issues, child support, one congenital problem with my son (crossed eyes) which is now corrected by eyeglasses (my ex-husband proposed surgery and I refused to allow it).

Everything seems miniscule now that my ex-husband is gone. It's hard not to remember that I did love him for nine of the eleven years I knew him. I guess he did the best he could with the hand he was dealt. I am glad my present husband of more than 35 years is alive and well enough to "fill in" for my kids' deceased biological father.

[Radio_Lady]

7. By the way, my step-grandson, who is now 19 years old, was on Ritalin for much

of his school life. He graduated high school last August with a 2.0 average (not great) but he seems to be a happy and healthy kid.

Who has control of the medication issue? It seems if the school or the doctor recommend it, you should at least try it. You would know within a couple of weeks if it is helping or not.

Just my 2 cents.

RL