Being in your 30's and single SUCKS! Where do the 30 year old single's go?

[SideshowScott]

Im 36 years old and totaly single..I could say it my apperance but i dress nice, im 6'5 tall, 200 lbs fit, clean cut and clean shaven not great looking but OK i think..I checked out the bars but i dont drink and its all kids and i wind up feeling like a perve when a cute young girl askes me my age.( GAHHH! 21 is young now Oy! ).And im really not attracted to lushes or drunk women that much..The Gym is all guys and the beach where i live its all familys..AND to top it off i live in the worlds largest military area in Va beach VA so it moslty guys..All Sharks and im just a dolphin..SO i ask you fellow single people where is a cool place to go to meet other singles without a meat market mentality? I donno..im thinking about moving beacuse i did try the internet but whenever id meet a cool lady she was like on the moon or something..
I shoulda married my high school sweetheart dammit:)

[GOPisEvil]

1. When you figure it out, let me know.

35, male and single.

They say do what you normally do, go where you normally go, and follow your interests. I think that's good advice, but I hate being patient. :D

[VelmaD]

3. me too...

if they tell you, tell me.

-V-

[Loonman]

2. If you make it past thirty and you're still single

I think it's an accomplishment. You can laugh at your divorced friends who married in their early 20s.

Then again, I'm an embittered cynic.

[NightTrain]

4. I'm 37, male, and single...

...and not terribly torn up over it.

Sure, it would be nice to have sex with an actual partner once in a while, but given the heartache and aggravation that relationships have heaped upon me, I don't even want to think about getting married!

[catpower2000]

5. OMG! I know!

I'm also in VA--a bit further north than you are, in Fredericksburg. I go to the bars and everyone I meet is either 21 (Gah! Gah!) or my age but married, or my age but totally not my type. When I say "not my type", I mean functionally illiterate, or missing most of his teeth, or blatant racist/homophobe/repuke. (I'm not too picky about looks.)

The internet is totally unreliable, because people can pretend to be whomoever they wish online. I've had a BAD experience dating online, and am gunshy for the future.

I've also been thinking back to my relationships in my 20's and wondering if I shouldn't have just gotten married then. What I thought was "so bad" back then looks like tiny problems compared to the relationships I've had since then.

When you figure it out, like everyone else has said, let me know.

BTW, I'm 30.

Cat

[Zech Marquis]

9. 30, sngle, no divorces, no kids

asides from not having a better paycheck--better than NO paycheck--I'm doing k :evilgrin:

You'll be fine, don't let it bother you At least you're not on ne of thos tv court shows screamng at your ex over who cheated on whom :eyes:

Could be worse--you could have been Benn Afflecy wit J Lo..until today :evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

6. Check out the calendar section of your Sunday paper

Often times there are recurring events that might inspire you.

Look for YOUR interests i.e. I am a fan of live music.

BTW, I am a gay woman and a lot of gay people go to "gay" events to meet people. I have NEVER met any of the women I dated ina "gay environment. They show up in my life in the things I am already doing.

It's like work...go out and DO WHAT YOU love. Someone will show up...then again..with a handle like "sideshow" do I detect a bit of shyness?

[SideshowScott]

11. Heh, the Sideshow is from the simpsons from Sideshowbob..But..

I did have horrible acne and braces when i was lad so yes im a tad shy..But not above a polite Hello when meeting a lady im attracted to..I almost wish i could be one of those " Hey baby why dont you take a ride on the scottie " type of guys but when i worked in bar they looked really pathetic to me...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

14. Good luck anyway

as I said...go do things you like...they'll be there.

[1monster]

25. You can get over that!

Practice on your sisters, coworkers, friends wives, etc., by saying something like, "Wow! That's a cool dress," (or something like that). Or in a checkout line at the grocery store, look at the weekly rags, find an outrageous headline, make a humorous comment about it while rolling your eyes, and so on.

After a while, being spontaneous will come naturally and you won't be so shy when meeting women. Don't worry about finding a potential mate. Plan on having a good time, on making friends. It is always when you are not looking that you find someone or someone finds you...

(P.S. being spontaneous can be fun in and of it self. AND people are drwan to fun folks.)

[Caution]

7. meet some women..

Volunteer for political campaigns...weekend work, meet like-minded people. Even if they are married, everyone has single friends.

Take classes, particularly things like cooking, wine/cheese appreciation, anything that requires discussion and group activities, again, even if you meet married women here they'll have single friends.

[Loonman]

8. Yeah, but what if you love sitting around and doing nothing?

Like all that crap about how "gyms are the new singles scene", coffeeshops are the new singles scene".

Big whoop, nobody is meeting anybody.

[SideshowScott]

12. Great picture LOONMAN..Sigh, if only i could meet a gal like Souixe

After all these years i still have the hots for her

[disgruntella]

13. i know!

"What if you like to sit around at home and do nothing" - that's totally me. I'm single & 33 (female) and very much a homebody-type. I know that the suggestions to partake in activities are good ones, but it's still kind of frustrating.

[BiggJawn]

32. "Laundro-mats are the new Singles Scene..."

Saw that one once. what a crock of shit.

Smart, single, available women have washers and dryers in their condos, or they send their dainties out to the cleaners.

Broken-down single-wides with leaky roofs and 4 kids sleeping in one bed and no heat don't have washers and dryers.

[Scottie72]

10. Hey another from Hampton Roads....

I also live in the Hampton Roads area... (Newport News). I can completely understand your feelings about this area. It is very conservative. I mean I didn't even have a choice in last years election to vote for a democrat for congress or senate. (hmmm maybe one of should try to unseat the republicans from this area)

Anyway I met my current partner right after moving here so I really don't know much about the singles scene. The best advice is: A bar is not the place to meet someone. I would suggest trying to get involved in something that you enjoy. Volinteer somewhere.. volinteer in a local or national campaign... go out and do things that you enjoy and live your life with our worrying about meeting that person. Make new friends and only concentrate on making the friends. You'll eventually run into women that you are interested in...

[SideshowScott]

21. I know its VERY conservtive here!! My last date was with a FemDittohead

OMG that was a nightmare..It took all my energy to be nice and polite..She was very very beautiful but when she opened her yap about how great bush is and dirty commie libs, the poor and hippie treehuggers .And when i said i was a die hard democrat she called me stupid..Livieng here is almost like living a moral police town. Pat Robertsons fingerprints are all over this burg..Im really thinking about moving to a more lib freindly place..Butive taken some great advice from the people here..Thanks totaly..Will think about some volenteer work

[catzies]

15. When I was in my 30s I felt left out of "the club,"

of all the happily-marrieds, even though I had been a single parent since I was 17.

As my daughter got older, and I started to have free time and money, I began going to museums, and antique stores, and sporting events, and volunteering for causes both political and social, always hoping to meet "the one." Then I bought a house, and got depressed thinkig that another traditional milestone (buying a house with a hubby and "settling down") passed me by.

I'm 41 now, and am still active politically and in my community, still go to museums and basketball games and go antiquing and have never met anyone yet who I would date/wanted to date me.

Now my daughter is 23, and I'm the youngest emtpy-nester I know, as all my peers have small children now and are never "free." So, once again, out of another "club."

So what do 30-somethings do while searching for a mate? Be yourself, and life will unfold as its meant to.

[mclam]

16. Ditto on the volunteering.

The two coolest guys I ever dated were both from Habitat for Humanity. All of the building sites I ever worked on had about half male and half female volunteers- maybe ever skewed a bit towards the women. Figure out what you're interested in and go to meetings. You're guaranteed to meet women with similar interests and you have a ready topic of conversation.

[GOPisEvil]

18. Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!

:hi:

[KG]

17. try being in your 40s and single

that is truly the pits. :(

[BiggJawn]

33. You SAID it, KG...

It gets really discouraging. so many choices! Pick someone younger and feel like a molestor or pick someone your own age and put up with a "Ghost" sitting on the end of the bed all the time....

[tsakshaug]

19. dear abby always said...

to meet people in church!

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

I met my current wife while dating her best friend..........

[StaggerLee]

20. This may sound corny

But I have found that the grocery store is a great place to meet women-
(BTW- I am 35)

[Feanorcurufinwe]

22. Where do they go? They go home.

Where do they go? They go home.

Seriously I know how you feel. Especially what you said about feeling like a perv when they ask how old you are. I'm 42 and I'm starting to think looking young is maybe not such a blessing. But the flip side is when I meet women my age who 'look their age', well, they just remind me of my mom or something - and, yes, the young'uns are definately too young.

[Michael Daniels]

23. Since you're in Va Beach.....

if you have any cultural inclinations (art, music, etc.) there are a number of arts organizations that have relatively affordable memberships that would incorporate group outings to performances, exhibit opening parties, etc. The two I was involved when I was living in Virginia Beach were the Virginia Symphony and the contemporary art museum that's located at the end of 44 heading to the waterfront.

The events drew a good crowd and obviously everyone there had at least one common interest.

Also, the Va. Beach Jaycee's were a good organization to belong to since they were civic/community oriented as well as offering a good social opportunity away from the bar scene.

Just some ideas you may want to check out.

[MUAD_DIB]

24. Dance class, cooking class (no shit)....

women love men that have the moves and will cook for them well...and clean up afterward. No kidding.

Try get ting involved in extracurricular activities.

Don't go to the usual places.

[Kat45]

26. I'm single in my 40s; I'd like an answer to that question too!

I also hope that by living my life and doing things that I like, I'll meet someone but that hasn't happened yet. I did some volunteer work; all the other folks were either women or seminarians. I volunteered for a campaign: all women or gay men. And I'm not exaggerating.

Most of my friends are married, with kids, and many live out of state anyway, so there's nobody to go out and do things with. Nobody has ever introduced me to anyone. I'm not into the bar scene anymore, and I can't drink any way because I'm on meds. I can't even do singles groups that plan events for people to meet each other at--their age range doesn't reach as high a number as my age.

I don't want to depress you; I just want you to know that there are a lot of us out there, we're just somewhat isolated so it's tough to meet each other. And IMHO, it's more difficult for women.

[WoodrowFan]

27. 2 Suggestions

I met, and married, my wife when I was in my early 30s. A mutual friend (a woman) fixed us up.


In the meantime this thread may have suggestions... :evilgrin:



http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=68158&mesg_id=68158

[blondeatlast]

28. I got married first at 36, never married before.

Met my quite a bit younger hubby in college.

It's never too late--I had literally given up looking.

Had my kid a year later.

Hang in there.

[arcane1]

29. 36 and single here too!

and I can relate totally. Most people I see when I'm out are younger, including most of my social circles...

AND- I'm from VA, and used to go to VA Beach all the time to escape Richmond!

this post is entirely devoid of advice or assistance of any kind, but pently of empathy!

:toast:


on edit- with all these DUers in VA, a good way to make some new friends would be to get a regional gathering happening, and see who shows up!

[WoodrowFan]

30. VA Dems

I thought all the VA dems were up here in Fairfax and Arlington Counties?? Damn. And here I usually just roll up my windows and lock the doors as soon as I hit PW or Loudoun counties...... who knew?

Hey, my 300th post! Damn, I meant to save it for another Star Trek poll!! LOL

[arcane1]

34. well, there is one less there now...

I moved to CA 4 years ago, lol, but I do still have some leftist friends there, and I know there are at least a couple of Richmond DUers on here somewhere

:toast:

[Gato Moteado]

31. 41 and still single....

....i let several wonderful, smart, beautiful women slip through my fingers because i didn't marry them and they wanted a family. i wasn't ready i guess.

now the available pool of single women is significantly smaller, and if you're picky like me, it's 10 times harder to find a good partner.

the best women i've been with were ones i met through friends. the bar scene sucks, stay away from bars if you can.

[bikebloke]

35. Anyone tried speed dating?

I'm in the 40's range in Northern Virginia. Bars aren't enjoyable anymore. Especially since I don't like drinking that much, nor care for the company of drunk women. Plus everyone seems to smoke now. Through the Internet, the interesting ones live far, far, far away. Anyway, I tend to click easier with Europeans and Aussies. Picking up and making a long open-ended adventure abroad isn't that easy any more.

I've been tempted to give speed dating a go. However, I wonder what sorts will turn up to play musical chairs chat-up. Anyone tried it?

In the end, I'm confortable with my own company and I absolutely refuse to get involved in stop gap relationships just because someone is available. I figure if someone comes along, great. If not, no worries.

[JackDragna]

36. See, dating is really easy for me.

I'm a single guy, but I tend to really dislike most other people. So, I'm just looking for a woman that will consider derisive comments about others to be a lark. "Look at that guy, in the Bush shirt. What a ##$@%@# idiot."