Tell us a joke.

[Skip Intro]

I'll start, but I stole it. (All jokes are stolen, aren't they?)

...

I wen't to a cashew festival last night.


It was nuts.



C'mon....

[some guy]

1. okay

I went to an almond celebration last week.

It was nuts!

:rofl:


(yeah, all *my* jokes are stolen, anyway.... :hide: )

:hi:

[Boojatta]

2. Hey, I went to that almond celebration.

They told me that three Brazilian nuts had been stolen. When Bush got the news, he wanted to know whether that was the entire world supply of nuts.

[DarkTirade]

3. Didja hear the joke about the drumset that fell off a cliff?

Ba dum *chhhh*

[Boojatta]

4. .

Three men are on their way to an office at the top of a sixty-storey skyscraper. They discover that all the elevators are out of order, so they have to use the stairs. One says, "To make it less of a chore, let's each tell a sad story. It'll take our minds off the climbing."

The first man tells about having lost his first love to another man. At the twenty-first storey, the second man begins talking about his relatives who have suffered from serious illnesses. At the forty-first storey, the third man says, "I'll tell you a real sad story. I forgot the key to the office."

[Boojatta]

5. A kindergarten teacher hears one of her students say a four-letter word.

She says, "You shouldn't use a word like that. You don't even know what it means. The student says, "Yes, I do. It means that the car won't start."

[Boojatta]

6. A man enters a monastery and takes a vow of silence.

He will have to wait five years and will then be allowed to say only two words. After another five years, he will be allowed to say another two words. After his first five years, he says, "Hard beds."


...


...


...


Five more years go by and then he says, "Bad food."


...



...



...


After another five years, he says, "I quit."

...


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...

The abbot says, "Good! You've done nothing here but complain!"

[Indi Guy]

7. My secretary asked me if she could use my dictiphone...

I said, "No! Use your finger like everybody else!!"

[From The Ashes]

8. Taking up a collection:

Taking Up a Collection for the President

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual."

He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we're taking up a collection for him."

The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"

The officer replies, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."