Gentlemen is no way to start a business letter anymore.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

Today I received some proceeds from a sale we just closed at work. The cover letter started out "Gentlemen". First off, these people KNOW I am a woman, and secondly, the only people who do this crap seem to be old men in the south. What the heck!?
Duckie

[Solon]

1. I much prefer using "Assholes" its more inclusive. n/t

[no name no slogan]

5. If it's really formal, you can't go wrong with "Hey you fuckers"

[WCGreen]

2. I usually start off with Dudes and Dudettes....

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. Keanu Reeves begins his letters: "Whoa..."

[MorningGlow]

4. Old dogs, new tricks

When I was an employer/manager/person in authority at a job, every time I received a letter (or--gasp--an e-mail) from an old coot or old bat, it always started "Gentlemen" or "Dear Sir". I usually just ignored it when I responded and let them see my name and fall all over themselves apologizing when they had to respond to my response (and most of them did). I figure it's not worth trying to eddicate them--they've followed these rules for decades--ain't no changing 'em now.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

6. I probably wouldn't have thought anything of it...

But they were a pain in my ass the entire time we were working with them.
Duckie

[qnr]

7. Well it is the holiday season, maybe they thought your name was 'Mary' n/t

[NMDemDist2]

8. Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?

It took me years to write, will you take a look?
Based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
His son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

Paperback writer

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few,
I'll be writing more in a week or two.
I can make it longer if you like the style,
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

If you really like it you can have the rights,
It could make a million for you overnight.
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer.

Paperback writer

[Manifestor_of_Light]

9. Good one. Long live John and George!!

In our hearts and minds.

Great rockin' song with a typically great George solo in the break.