Tomorrow I'm going on a first date with a girl I've never actually met. Any last minute advice?

[LostInAnomie]

I'm nervous as hell about it too. I'm thinking of all the different scenarios in which I can fuck it up. I'm stressing out about what to wear, picking her up, driving to the restaurant, what to talk about, what to do after eating, driving her home, whether to try to kiss her goodnight, how to tell if she's actually interested, and every other thing my mind can think of.

Anyone have any advice?

[DarkTirade]

1. Relax. Take it easy.

Trying too hard is the biggest mistake you could make. Just be yourself. :) If she likes you, good. If not, it wasn't meant to be anyway and you haven't lost anything.

[LostInAnomie]

2. You're probably right

But, it's still nice to actually make a good impression even it it doesn't work out.

[DarkTirade]

24. A good impression is one thing, but if she can tell that you're trying too hard then it'll just make

you look like a pushover. Relax. Be yourself. Pretend she's your annoying little sister. Affectionately tease her about some things. (In a friendly way of course: I'm not suggesting that you act like a jerk. :) )

[Amerigo Vespucci]

19. My advice is everything DarkTirade just said.

That pretty much covers any dating situation you'll run into.

:toast:

[gmoney]

3. Use the Woody Allen trick...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BayFaUXwrAk

Go to about 2 minutes in...

[LostInAnomie]

4. Damn dial-up!

I'll never find out now!

[gmoney]

8. here's the script...

Alvy (Woody) and Annie are just walking down the street talking, when he interrupts the conversation with:

Alvy: Hey listen listen
Annie: What?
Alvy: Gimme a kiss
Annie: Really?
Alvy: Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna go home later, right?
Annie: Yeah
Alvy: And-and...uh there's gonna be all that tension. You know we never kissed before and I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now we'll get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?
Annie: Oh, all right.
Alvy: And we'll digest our food better
Annie: Okay Yeah
(they kiss)
Alvy: So, now we can digest our food
(they turn and start walking again)

[LostInAnomie]

11. Damn, that's some smooth shit.

No wonder he was able to pick up his adopted daughter.

[hisownpetard]

5. Since you're nervous, the best thing is to place the emphasis on the other person. Ask her

to tell you about herself - how many sisters and brothers she has, what kind of music she likes,
what things she's passionate about in her life. That's it, the whole thing!
Most people enjoy talking about themselves. You get to be off the hot seat and can just sit and listen, and
pay attention, and she gets to feel important.

Once the pressure's off, you can just relax and be yourself.

As for the other things, they'll just fall into place on their own. If you really feel like kissing her goodnight and
she's been responsive during the evening, go for it.

I think the most flattering thing a man can do is to pay attention to the person he's dating. It's hugely flattering
and always makes the other person feel good!

[LostInAnomie]

9. I've talked to her on the phone a couple times...

... and I've pretty much covered all those topics. I'm horrible at making small talk or asking people to expand upon what they are talking about. It begins to sound like I am interrogating them.

I know I'm thinking about it WAY too much, but I can't help it. It's my first date since I broke up with my girlfriend of five years.

[eyesroll]

6. I went on a first date three years ago with a man I'd never actually met.

I was stressed a bit, not so much about how to make conversation (it's just dinner) but that it had been a long time since I'd dated at all, and I really didn't know whether I could send appropriate signals. I mean, I knew I could send the "go away scary man" signal, or the "hey, I think my dress would look good crumpled up on your floor" signal, but not much in between.

Tonight, he's sitting at our dining room table finishing a paper.

It'll work itself out.

[hisownpetard]

15. So - have you talked to him yet?

[petronius]

17. That means you went with the 'crumpled-up dress' signal, right?

Good call!

[AlCzervik]

7. be yourself, try not to talk about previous relationships and a sense of humor

is a wonderful thing. Enjoy it and have fun, relax and remember she'll be nervous as well.

[harmonicon]

20. yeah, can't stress that enough

DO NOT talk about previous relationships. Fucking seriously - even if it comes up in conversation or referencing such would make some topic far more relevant. Other things that aren't cool: talking about friends/family/pets who have died (oh, all of this also relates to 'even if it comes up'), weird health problems had by yourself or others, things you hate (especially if what you hate is the racial group/religion they belong to - okay, kidding there),

Things that are good to talk about are: politics (really - if you're serious enough about politics to ask for dating advice on DU, you should talk about it), favorite movies/music, ANYTHING you really enjoy that is ALSO something that can be shared with others/them (so maybe your obsessive babylon 5 fan-fiction shouldn't be mentioned).

Wear clothes that YOU think are nice. Eat food that YOU like to eat, and always tell the TRUTH. Chicks love that truth shit.

[Shine]

10. I totally agree with hisownpetard

Be interested in what she has to say. Listen and pay attention. Good luck! :hi: You'll do fine.

[LeftyMom]

12. Have you been talking for a while? Do you get along?

If so, you've got a head start. If not, go find out. And have fun.

[LostInAnomie]

13. I've talked to her on the phone a couple of times and she seems nice...

... but I can't tell shit over the phone. I have to actually be in someone's presence and read their body language before I can tell anything. The problem is that I think we are both shy at first, so it's going to almost be impossible to tell anything.

I've seen a picture of her, and she's definitely cute enough though.

[CreekDog]

14. Might be a man

or a cop

rough out there.

[LostInAnomie]

16. Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that's not the case.

I didn't sign up for that kind of party.

[riderinthestorm]

18. Bring flowers. Open doors. Be a gentleman

The "old" manners stuff actually really DOES make an impression. Compliment her. Listen. Really listen. Make sure the car temp is comfortable FOR HER etc. etc. I am an old feminist but guys who actually made an attempt to do this shit scored points and my 20 year old daughter says the same.

You know this stuff already. Go for it and have fun!! Let us know how it goes!

[Kixel]

23. Totally right!

From one feminist to another-I just had a first date with a guy who helped me in and out of my coat. Honestly, that old school chivalry is fantastic-it makes a woman feel like a lady. Opening doors, pulling out chairs-just old fashioned courtesy. It is so sweet it sweeps me off my feet a bit.

Follow that up with a good conversation where both opinions are respected-well, a girls gotta love that. It's a matter of doing the little, unexpected things that make a difference.

Then, there are the negatives-don't talk about yourself all the time, don't mention your ex, and don't talk excessively about cheese (yes, there is a story there).

[CaliforniaPeggy]

21. My dear LostInAnomie...

There's only one thing you shouldn't offer ...

And you know what that is!

I know you'll be fine...

Have a great time, sweetie...

:hug:

[Hardrada]

22. One mistake to avoid is talking about yourself a lot.

I used to do that but lucked out because I finally found someone who would listen! I have learned to listen over the years too.

[Highway61]

25. Just be yourself

Ask her questions and let her talk about herself, her family, her interests etc.
If you think she is pretty...tell her.
Be a gentleman, open the door for her etc. Old fashion is IN.
If she drinks a LOT before, during and after dinner....buyer bewhere!
If you want to see her again....tell her.
If you want to kiss her goodnight, do so. soft but brief...that's it.
Tell her you had a really nice time and go home.
Call her again if you want. Don't over think. You'll do fine.

As for dinner? DON'T order spaghetti...too messy and a pain in the ass to eat :)

Good luck and have fun!

[NewJeffCT]

26. You should try to relax - look at it like you have nothing to lose

If the date goes poorly, you're back to where you were before the date - single and without a girlfriend.

If it goes well, it's a pleasant surprise.

[Gen. Jack D. Ripper]

27. I like to say as little about myself as possible, at first

Ask her questions about herself and just listen. If she asks you about yourself, of course tell her, but be succinct. Don't give away to much about yourself, be confident and a little mysterious, women like that. Don't be afraid to make a little physical contact, nothing big, of course, just subtle things like if you lean in to say something to her, maybe place your hand lightly on her shoulder, that type of thing. Don't be afraid to flirt and/or respond to flirting. Most importantly, just do your thing as confidently as possible, there is no substitute for confidence when it comes to women.

Let me tell you about this girl I just started seeing. We had our third date earlier this week and we were sitting on her coach watching a movie and holding hands, kinda cuddling, when I started teasing her a little, playfully, about some things she had told me about herself earlier. Well, when I started teasing her, she pulled her hand away, also playfully, and kind of started pouting, so I took her other hand, looked at her, and just kissed her hand lightly. Man, she was butter after that, I'm tellin' yuh. We made out pretty good that night. :D Play your cards right, it'll pay off IF there's a connection there. If there is no connection, it wouldn't matter if you were Don Juan, it just won't happen, so no use trying to force it.

[Bennyboy]

28. A Progressive date......

If you live in an urban area, do it by foot or transit, pedicab etc..

have drinks app's at one place, soup at another, entree at another, dessert at another, coffee at another etc. That way you get to connect. There is plenty to talk about with all the people, foods, music,etc that you will encounter. Being stuck in one place sucks. All you can talk about is that place, how you go three etc rather than what is going on.... I treally encourages conversation raither than "I did this" I like this" This food is good" that you would get over a dinner date.

Be sure to hit some stores that you find interesting or zany. Do some window shopping.....

I love record stores too. I can really get into someone's head in one of them.

[begood]

29. listerine , listerine, listerine!!!!

[DarkTirade]

31. Heh, that's what I thought too...

then halfway through my last date I found out she's allergic to artificial colors. D'oh. And I'd just bought a new pack of those Listering pocket pack strips just in case.

Still got a good night kiss though. :)

[Lance_Boyle]

30. Don't pull your penis out

unless you really need to. Indecent exposure is a class II felony.

[IzaSparrow]

32. take her to the local pizza/karaoke bar

and get sloppy drunk. it worked for me.

[Generic Brad]

33. I don't think I can provide you any practical advice

When I see Carl at the bottom of your post I get a very specific image in my mind. And the advice I give Carl would differ greatly than the advice I would give to a real live person.

Perhaps I should answer to both.

For LostInAnomie I advise you try to remain in the moment, be polite, and try not to rush anything.

For Carl I would suggest you don't bring her back to your place out of fear the Aqua Teens would screw things up for you.