I am trying to look up a girlfriend from H>S. and I am married

[commander bunnypants]

I am curious on how she fared the past 20 years. Is this a good thing or bad. Most people are saying bad but it really is innocent. I would not be upset if the wife did the same thing

what do you think?


CB

[MrCoffee]

1. did you tell your wife?

if not, would you feel comfortable telling her?

[Orrex]

2. Who cares what we think? What does your wife think?

I mean, you're not married to all of us, as far as I'm aware...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. curiousity is normal

[Bucky]

4. Well, it's a lot cheaper than buying a red sports convertable.

Guys turn 40 and start getting nostalgic. It's normal and therefor cool. It might freak her out less if you took your wife along when you two finally catch up with each other. For some reason women don't start doing that nostalgia thing until their 50s. Maybe cause they live long and thus have more time to reminisce with.

[commander bunnypants]

5. If it ever happened that I did find her

sure I would take my wife and kid

CB

[johnnie]

6. Get divorced

Then you can do anything you want. :)

[SteelPenguin]

7. If you're just curious it's just fine

If you're hiding from your wife, then you need to rethink on why you're doing it (not so much about feelings for someone twenty years ago, but your feelings for your wife today).

If you're spending money, hiring private investigators, etc in order to track her down, then you're also going too far, and probably need to reexamine what's going on in your life at the moment.

If you're googling her name, or looking on Classmates.com then, and you're not trying to hide it from your wife because you're just curious, then I see no problem.

[commander bunnypants]

8. classmates.com

CB

[Fire Walk With Me]

13. You have to do everything they say (fill out sections to see similar sections of others) and pay to

mail others. I don't like that site; it's too controlled of an experience. Your mileage may vary.

[raccoon]

9. You might want to look up the thread from a few days, about a week ago,

where the dude met with a high-school classmate from decades ago, and suddenly had an enormous crush on her.

[Patiod]

10. I am a total Googlestalker

but never do anything with the info.

Having said that, one of my friends lost her husband to his high school girlfriend when she (who is Jewish but ghostwrites books for a Christian publisher on "covenant marriage" <-- absolute truth) emailed him to say "hi", they hooked up for lunch, then they just plain hooked up, and he left my friend to move to California to be the ghostwriter.

Friend was complaining that she had lost her husband to an older woman (husband and girlfriend were both 10 years older than my friend) and I said "no, you lost her to a 17 year old high school cheerleader, because that's who she still is in his head".

[Mojorabbit]

15. Same thing happened

to my best friend. Her husband and the high school sweetheart met for lunch started and then on to an affair. A Mess all the way around.Her counselor says it is pretty common occurance and rarely works out.

[Fire Walk With Me]

17. A few months ago I looked up a couple of the ladies that I'd dated and noted their activities.

Some loss, some success. One in a long-term marriage (like another I'd looked up before).

Good on them.

I won't be contacting anyone, however.

[Patiod]

21. On the other hand, my friend is marrying an old boyfriend

A mutual friend looked him up on the internet and contacted him, letting him know my friend was available (widowed). She then fixed them up on a date, and two month later they got engaged.

All very romantic, except that I used to hook up with him back in the day, so this is going to be a somewhat uncomfortable wedding (the bride's sister also ran around with him). My friends all find this very amusing, since they (and the bride) know that he had been with all three of us at some point back in the early 80's. Yikes.

[applegrove]

11. Ask your wife if you can. That is what I would do.

[unpossibles]

12. I don't think anything is inherently wrong with it

be honest. You're human. Keep it innocent.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

14. Guilty as charged here

But only as to one, my first love. The rest of them I could care less.

Still has her last name, so I'm assuming she's not married.

However, I never stay friends with old relationships. This one pains me, but I stick to that rule. I haven't spoken to her since 2003. I'd rather not stir up old feelings and hurt myself even more.

1. Looking up an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend on the internet because you're curious--Okay
2. Contacting ex-girlfriend/boyfriend in a casual manner--Proceed with Caution
3. Tracking ex-girlfriend/boyfriend down and waiting outside her/his driveway 24-7 with binoculars--Not Okay
4. Driving cross country wearing diapers to confront your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend's current lover--Even More Not Okay.

[redqueen]

16. Is she in the spank bank?

If not, it's probably okay.

If she is... well...

[LanternWaste]

18. Bad idea. Don't do it.

Bad idea. Don't do it. Don't think about it. Don't mention it to the wife that you'd even thought about it. Suppress and deny it until the day you die. When the day you die finally arrives, cover your mouth so you say nothing.

I don't care how cool your wife is or how curious you are. It's a mistake with bad consequences waiting to happen.

This idea will be like the road runner, you'll be the coyote and your wife is the box of Acme dynamite.

Yeah... that's all I can say.

[ceile]

19. My HS boyfriend found me on Myspace just this Monday.

It's been about 10 years since I've seen him, but I don't know how comfortable I am even starting up a casual relationship with him. I also haven't told my fiance about it yet either because the whole thing just strikes me as weird. Why now? My point being: think about the effect it may have on her.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

24. I had an ex find me on myspace

Sent me a message. I sent her back a message, very nice, polite, glad she had done well for herself. She wanted to add me to her friends list, but I declined. I don't know....I would rather not go to that point. I'm never friends with my exs, and having to explain her on my friends list to my wife would probably be weird.

[triguy46]

20. This was a dear abby question last week. Her answer:

Don't look to me to justify your curiosity. If this is truly a neutral inquiry send old gf a letter describing how you and your wife are doing and invite gf to visit you and your wife.

Simply put, don't bullshit a bullshitter.

[Taverner]

22. Just do it - check out Classmates.com

They seem to have the corner on the exes looking for exes market.

[JCMach1]

23. Recently ran across a lady I had dated in grad school back in '92

and had a torrid affair with for a few month... she had just barely separated from a husband when I met her.

To make a long story short she is not nearly as cute (she was superplus hot back then) and to make matter a bit more f'ed up she is now a lesbian activist (with a live-in GF)! She is now batting for the other team...

Trust me, that messes with your head just a bit.

So my question is Why? and how much do you REALLY want to know!?

[Blue_In_AK]

25. I looked up my high school boyfriend

"to see how he was doing" seven years ago, when we were both married and -- HE AND I ARE MARRIED NOW. It took three years for us to get out of our respective marriages, which was a painful time for both of us, but we're both better off now.

I would advise from experience that unless your marriage is very, VERY strong, you shouldn't go there. You will be surprised at your feelings. If your marriage isn't strong and you're looking for a way to push it over the edge, this is the way to do it.



ed. I should mention that my husband and I were sweethearts in 1963, and hadn't had any contact at all since 1967. These feelings last a long time, and sometimes you don't even know it.

[book_worm]

26. Why ask us? ask your wife. If you haven't mentioned this to your wife then you

must be afraid to let her know for some reason.

[Shell Beau]

27. As long as your wife doesn't mind and knows that you are doing it!