Feedback, please! I haven't written a sonnet in many, many years...

[Orrex]

Between those noble rivers once there stood
The garden wherein woman brought to man
Acquaintance both with evil and with good,
And Eden soon thereafter fell to sand.
Today are met commanders and their chief,
Reporting on the rising, bloody tide;
Each death is tallied in his daily brief,
As yesterday, when three Brazilians died.

The President, a man profound of thought,
Received this news in dignified repose,
Reflecting on the carnage he had wrought,
The many yet to die before its close.
At last he spoke in words by sorrow touched:
"Remind me—a brazillion is how much?"


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[redqueen]

1. Brilliant!

:loveya:

[Orrex]

6. Aw, shucks!

I've been thinking about this for a while, after the limerick and haiku iterations of the Brazillions joke.

This morning it just sort of came to me...

[tigereye]

2. ah

:spank:


trickster. Pretty impressive!


I'd prefer to see some non-Brazillion joke sonnets, though.

[Orrex]

5. Thank you, thank you

Long ago I wrote an embarrassing number of embarrassingly bad sonnets for a woman over whom I was embarrassingly head over heels. Foolish stuff, in retrospect, but that's what one's teens and early 20's are for, right?

Anyway, those wretched versus will not likely see the light of day again!

[quip]

3. You are indeed the Poet Laureate of the Lounge!

And I genuflect obsequiously in awe.

[Orrex]

7. Now, there's no need for that

Three attaboys should be sufficient, but you have to really mean them!

[quip]

10. Should the three boys be bearing Gold, Common Sense, and Fur?

I LOVE malaprops! :bounce:

[Inchworm]

4. hehe

nice use of the language :rofl:

:hi:

[Orrex]

8. It's good to practice now and again

And if I can cause some Lounge consternation, so much the better!

[Dora]

9. My good, good man.

Excellent meter, solid structure, fantastic rhyme and use of enjambment.

:wow:

Talented people rock.

I shall always hereafter remember Orrex as "that DUer who posted the ass-kicking sonnet about Bush's brazillions."

[Orrex]

11. Very kind

I guess that the whole Brazillions subject just flat-out inspires me.


Here's to the joke that never gets old!
:toast:

[DarkTirade]

12. Well, you're no Shakespear... :)

[Orrex]

13. Feh!

Let's see how well the bard handled The Brazillions joke...

Hmm? He didn't?


I thought not. :evilgrin:

[TZ]

14. Okay that actually is kind of clever BUT......

I just got back from my departmental holiday party and suffice to say after a glass of wine or two and some heavy duty dance floor partying, I am kind of in a very RELAXED state of mind..In fact I think thats the best way to appreciate your "sonnets"..after a few drinks.....Or in the afore mentioned "love sonnets" you wrote...100% proof Rum....and a tequila shot!:D

On edit: the wine has told me I like it well enough to give you a rec....*hick*.......:beer:

[Orrex]

15. That sounds like a heck of a department

Suffice it to say that I will burden no one here with those mawkish and sappy sonnets from my darkest youth.

But thanks for checking in!

[TZ]

16. btw..want to know a scary sight.?

a couple hundred of slighty buzzed researchers playing "Simon Sayz!".....:rofl: (might have to post pictures....)

[Orrex]

17. I hope that no one tapped into the company's stash of Thimerosal

You know what that does to an unruly crowd!

[Orsino]

18. This call-back makes *'s reign pale...

...And your coffin has had its last nail!
See, "brazillion's" the word
That I wish I'd not heard,
And one that should land you in jail.

[Orrex]

20. A limerick is high praise, indeed,

and yours such a pleasure to read.
Perhaps I'll keep going;
Its worth it now, knowing
Brazillions are what the Lounge needs!

:hi:

[quip]

19. A kick for the Bard!

:kick:

[Aristus]

21. Best sonnet EV-er!

:rofl:

[Orrex]

22. Forgive a kick for a slight reworking

Between those fabled rivers once there stood
The garden wherein woman brought to man
Acquaintance both with evil and with good,
And Eden soon thereafter fell to sand.
Today are met commanders and their chief,
Reporting on the rising, bloody tide;
Each death is daily tallied in his brief,
As yesterday, when three Brazilians died.

The President, a man profound of thought,
Received this news in dignified repose,
Reflecting on the carnage he has wrought,
The many yet to die before its close.
At last he spoke in words by sorrow touched:
"Remind me—a brazillion is how much?"


Minor changes, but they were bugging me.

Should I post it to GD? How do you think it would be received?

:evilgrin: