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Something for all you writers. Funny, but sound advice...

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SKKY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:17 PM
Original message
Something for all you writers. Funny, but sound advice...
Timeless Writing Advice
(with tongue firmly in check--make that cheek.)


1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichs like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
8. Be more or less specific.
9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos nor a currant.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should never generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichs.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive proouncement will suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Profanity is for asses.
26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth Earthshaking ideas.
27. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
30. Puns are for children, not for groan readers.
31. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
32. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
33. Who needs rhetorical questions?
34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally. . .
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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Dr. Strange Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:24 PM
Response to Original message
1. I think you have a typo in one of those...
I love this list!
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SKKY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:25 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. Pretty good, huh?
It tells you what not to do, and gives you an example at the same time. I personally think it's brilliant.
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GreenPartyVoter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:29 PM
Response to Original message
3. I will post this in my writers group, thanks! :^)
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SKKY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:51 PM
Response to Reply #3
7. Any time.
:thumbsup:
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Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:30 PM
Response to Original message
4. I want to post my thanks, but am afraid of making a grammatical error!
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SKKY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:41 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. It's just a guidline.
I break about half of these on a daily basis.
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Fire Walk With Me Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:48 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Heh. I should have added a smiley.
Edited on Tue Nov-27-07 03:49 PM by Peake
I might break more than that every day..

Great post!
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Oeditpus Rex Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:56 PM
Response to Original message
8. 36. Avoid irony
As in...



26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth Earthshaking ideas.

+

34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

+

29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.

+

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.



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FloridaJudy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 03:57 PM
Response to Original message
9. OMFG!
I wrote half of these, and sent them on to my ex, who is an English teacher. Apparently it's been wandering around the 'Nets and accumulating even more examples. I feel like Frankenstein.

You left out one of my favorites, though. "Don't verb nouns".
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stuntcat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-27-07 04:07 PM
Response to Original message
10. stunt's snippy snark on #six :(
This lady's got lotsa love for alliteration!!!! (and exclamation)

I'm sending this to my family! (!!!!)
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