How do you get someone you are dating to be intimate with you?

[IronLionZion]

Let's say you've been dating for like a month and you like each other very much and are very affectionate. Is it pathetic or creepy to just ask? Or is there some unspoken stuff you have to do? Are you supposed to invite her over under some premise like a homecooked dinner and she just senses what you really want? Does anyone know how this works or is supposed to work?

I'm just curious how this is done in a "normal" situation.

My girlfriend and I are a couple of horny toads. We got busy the night we first met (without ever talking about it) and have been together in a healthy loving monogamous relationship about 5 1/2 months now. This is probably an extreme deviation from the norm.

[KitchenWitch]

1. Roofies...

I keed I keed!

[MrCoffee]

9. omg

i'm so glad i didn't have to be the one to say it first!

:rofl:

[KitchenWitch]

33. I really should get some help for my twisted mind

But I have too much fun with it!

:evilgrin:

[Sannum]

11. I was sooo gonna say that!

[Bucky]

64. You fucking sicko. Quit reading my mind.

There's something terribly contrarian in those who come to the Lounge. My first thought was "Roofies" and my second thought was, "Nah, someone's probably already posted that one by now."

[Bucky]

65. Since the reply "Roofies" has been taken, let me recommend abstinence until marriage.

In fact, you should test her love by demanding no further petting until six months after the marriage ceremony.

[IronLionZion]

66. too late, that's already taken as well

I'm not sure I want to know what radical options are left!

[Bucky]

68. Pretend to get close to her, but then really go after her mother.

Sadly, I can relate from experience how successful this particular strategy can be.

Depending on how one defines "success" of course.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. lol

date a girl for a month and not have sex with her? wouldnt happen to me.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

3. Wide range of things can happen

My last LTR it just kind of happened while watching a movie after two months of dating and a month of a lot of making out.

My first GF ever in college, it was discussed, seemingly endlessly for months until it was finally planned, on a "special" weekend when roommates were away. Typical virgins.

There was another time during a second date where I was watching TV with this girl in her apartment. She declared she was "kinda bored and ready for bed" and she walks out of the room and comes back in just panties. I truly can't explain how that happened.

[redqueen]

4. There is no 'supposed', is there?

Since every person is different... and people's expectations and desires can vary even from partner to partner, sometimes... I wouldn't think there could be any hard and fast rule, but maybe there's a guideline I don't know about.

[krispos42]

5. Give him/her some recalled Chinese toys...

Works like a charm!

Just don't use a Chinese-made condom. Obviously, they don't work...


:rofl:

[NashVegas]

6. Tell Them

you wanna fuck their brains out.

[Freedom Knight]

10. Or you could use a more romantic approach.

The sun set kiss, tell them what you feel in a soft suggestive manner, encourage them to share their feelings, and then say " I want to show you how deep my love is. Let me give you all my heart and soul tonight!".
But of course, that is just another way of saying what was stated by "Crisco".

[NashVegas]

59. Yes, Absolutely

But it cannot be denied that my way is 100% non-manipulative.



















Unless dirty talk hopelessly turns on the object of affection.

[Schema Thing]

7. Say, "my last gf was a real horny toad"

and wiggle your hips suggestively.

ymmv.

[Freedom Knight]

8. I find the direct approach the best. Just ask. n/t

[supernova]

12. Whatever happend to seduction?

You know, a really special meal with candles, pretty music playing in the background, or a special day spent doing something both of you really enjoy and lots and lots a heavy petting along the way?

Geez, I guess I'm just a romantic at heart. *Sigh*

[Freedom Knight]

13. You can still be seductive using a direct approach. See post above.n/t

[NewJeffCT]

14. everything's changed since 9/11

it's her patriotic duty to put out, and put out quickly, dontcha know? She must hate America or something.

:evilgrin:

[Freedom Knight]

16. "Putting Out", How dull!

Their is so much more to intimacy than "putting out". The touch, the simple kiss, the sound of the heart beat during a slow dance, etc.
Ah, thinking of it makes me hungry.

[supernova]

20. I like this better than your first answer!

Welcome to DU Freedom Knight! :hi:

And a :* just for the nature of the thread.

[supernova]

19. Good thoughts..

if you don't expect to practice making babies any time soon!

:P

[NewJeffCT]

44. my wife changes her mind on that weekly

one week, she wants another baby, the next she's never having another one...

But, I was just joking on "putting out"

[IronLionZion]

47. That sounds really good, but after all that do you just know?

or do you have to ask?

Seriously, I'm a guy and am all about the special meals with candles and music. Just ask my gf. I'm hopelessly romantic. I tend to play music that fits the meal: classical music with fancy stuff, jazz with spicy stuff, etc. One problem I've run into is being too tired after a big meal, so I try to make a light meal like an Asian salad. Dessert is necessary, but something small like chocolates with dessert wine helps too. But I did all this after finding a sexual relationship.

[Phillycat]

76. Ugh, I would hate that.

I agree with the poster above who said, "Just say 'I wanna fuck your brains out'." That would work for me! :hi:

[NewJeffCT]

15. when she jumps on top of you & starts ripping your clothes off

you'll know she's ready.

But, I'm not sure I understand your situation - you've been dating for a month in one paragraph, then 5 1/2 months in the other paragraph?

Or, do you mean your "ex" girlfriend? But, it doesn't sound like it?

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

21. I think he was just wondering

What the young whippersnappers not tied to the ol' ball and chain do nowadays.

[IronLionZion]

38. I was just wondering

I have a girlfriend and we have sex all the time.

I was curious as to how it happens for the rest of you.

[NewJeffCT]

51. it's different in every situation

My ex-wife was kind of exactly like I described - on our first date, she literally tackled me, started taking my clothes off, etc, etc. And, she didn't really stop until we said, "I do" 18 months or so later.

However, I've met other women where it didn't happen for 10-12 dates over a few months. It just wasn't the right situation, and I'm never one to force myself on a woman. And, sometimes I'm kind of dumb in these situations and need a pretty obvious signal from the woman.

[SarahB]

17. I don't know what's normal.

When I was younger, I tried to be normal and wait until some proverbial right time, but in all honesty if I really liked someone and was attracted to them, I wanted to get busy fairly quickly. If that physical connection didn't happen relatively quickly, I got pretty bored with it. I think as a woman, it's easy to say openly because as much as there's a double standard in society placing judgment on an openly sexual woman, if I were a man who said the same thing, I'd be accused of being an insensitive jerk.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. i date women and if someone doesnt have sex with me by the third date

there is no fourth date.

which is not to say that its ok to pressure people, but if i dont want someone enough and they dont seem that into me, why waste more time.

i find it weird.

[SarahB]

22. I get it.

I'm not one to want to convince someone to want me. They either do or they don't. I'm not going to date people multiple times that I don't want to be intimate with (I think one figures that out pretty quickly), so I wouldn't want it in reverse- men or women. I find it weird too.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. yeah exactly. there have been plenty of girls who i know i dont really want

and i tell them at teh end of a first date.

i think its just nice not to waste other people's time.

[Freedom Knight]

26. But what about the hunt? Has it gone to the way side as so many other things?

What victory does one feel when the physical has been given so easily?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. it aint a combat sport

[Freedom Knight]

29. Well, in a way, it is.

It is the greatest combat ever contrived! Yet it is also the most tender. And, if fought correctly, there are only winners!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

30. i dont see it as combative with hunters and hunted. its more like a candy jar.

[mitchum]

69. The hunt? WTF? That's what deer and easter eggs are for

[MissMillie]

31. wow...

so they have to have sex w/ you by the third date to seem "into you"?

wow


I have a totally different take. I'm not sleeping w/ someone until I think they're "into" me... and for me that means a lot more than 3 dates.

Anyone can have sex... but people who hang around for a while... now those people are "into" you.


Framing is everything I guess.

:shrug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. it also means i am not into them. sex isnt a one way thing. if i dont want to have sex with someone

by the third date, i dont want to be with them either.

[MissMillie]

34. that's fair

but just because you don't have sex w/ someone, doesn't mean you don't want to.

:)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

40. to a degree it would for me though. or atleast this has been historically true of me.

:hi:

[Tyler Durden]

49. If someone didn't have sex with you by the third date....

Then they are just not into WOMEN.

:P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

53. lol.

thanks

[IronLionZion]

57. Do you tell them straight up?

hmm...I've recently discovered that women can be pretty horny too. So I'm wondering if a few of them may have left me for not putting any moves on them or asking for sex. They never told me so I never knew.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

58. its never happened. its just a magic number in my head.

:P

if i am NOT going to sleep wiht someone i do tell them. as in "hey i think you are a nice person, we should be friends. you're not really my type"

[Lance_Boyle]

24. Movie date + popcorn surprise.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=popcorn+surprise

If it doesn't work, then she wasn't the right one, anyway.

[Fire Walk With Me]

25. I find that non-verbal communication speaks volumes.

This particular facial expression has gotten me more action that I can begin to describe.

[mitchum]

75. C'mon, it's the cheekbones!

:)

[Gidney N Cloyd]

27. Run your fingers along the bottom of the stall partition. nt

[AnotherDreamWeaver]

35. I learned not to try and "get someone" to do anything.

If the two of you want to do something, it will work out...
(my experience anyhow...trying to force the issue took out the fun of mutual enjoyment).

(I need to stop reading these posts, I have work I need to do...)

[supernova]

36. That is very true.

:D

Wise words. :hi:

[IronLionZion]

42. You can go crazy waiting for something to happen on it's own

so I was thinking there might something to do just to get things moving in the right direction or express interest in it.

[MissMillie]

43. isn't that a "fun" kind of crazy though?

Sexual tension can be exciting as hell!

[Freedom Knight]

45. I am in agreement with MissMillie.

To wait for the sweetest of fruit makes the tasting of it euphoric!

[MissMillie]

46. great! wanna go out?

:hi:

[Freedom Knight]

48. I would. However, I live to far away at this time.

Please accept my rain check?

[IronLionZion]

50. I don't know, my problem has been meeting women with radical or reactionary views on sex

someone left me just for wanting to talk about sex (I don't mention it until after a month of dating), and someone left me because I brought her home and cooked a nice meal with candles and music and brought her to my bedroom and politely asked her. They just dumped me on the spot.

And I've also met the other extreme where they are open about the fact that they want to hook up on a first date and they have lots of boyfriends and casual hookups all the time. One told me she was married! I don't agree with that either.

I was just hoping that there was some way to either start moving in that direction or to start the conversation of it without them leaving me.

My girlfriend now is my first girlfriend. She was quite promiscuous and didn't believe in relationships until she met me. But anyway, I'm sure our story is far from usual and I was just curious how it plays out for the everyone else.

Thanks for your input! :pals:

[Freedom Knight]

52. You must first win the mind.

To do this one must start with knowing the person you are trying to seduce. Use that first and second date as reconnaissance. Find out what makes then happy. What does not.

[DS1]

37. Get one of those "It ain't gonna suck itself" t-shirts

[SarahB]

56. I've never seen those.

I have seen "it ain't gonna lick itself" panties.

:hide:

[BarenakedLady]

39. I would give "the look"

But I'm a chick, so it may be easier for me.

[Withywindle]

41. I'm terrible with this one.

My SO and I reckon our couplehood anniversary from the first night we jumped each other drunkenly - because we'd been friends for years, and that was how we found out we weren't "just" friends. (7 years ago now) I've also had LTRs that started out the way it did with your gf.

I don't think I've "dated" in the sense of a formal courtship before sex since I was in high school. But I think if you want to find out if someone wants sex, the best way to go about it is ask. Preferably in a slightly smutty way in a husky whisper. :D

[driver8]

54. deleted

I think I misunderstood the OP's post.

[IronLionZion]

55. Thanks to everyone for your input

So I take it that the important thing is to get to know each other's minds and thought processes and feelings. And I take it that it is not pathetic to ask for it or combine the asking with seduction. I've never been comfortable with seduction as I'm nervous that it may end up badly.

Edit to add: you can tell this is a progressive and open-minded community. No one here has been overly judgmental or condemned pre-marital sex. Good for you. I'm glad we could have a respectful discussion on this without getting locked or anything.

[Connonym]

60. oh sorry, shame on you for even THINKING about having relations with that woman

before you marry her. Intimacy is for when you're married and even then for procreation ONLY!



I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

[IronLionZion]

61. I'll be even holier, no sex AFTER marriage either! Take that! nt

[One_Life_To_Give]

62. Stop giving Mrs OLTG Ideas!

:spank:

[IronLionZion]

63. That sort of repression is common in the Republican party, with disastrous effects! nt

[mitchum]

67. Just do it...it really is that simple

[IronLionZion]

70. I think rape is a crime

always has been. What do you mean exactly?

[mitchum]

71. I'm not talking rape; that's absurd...

I'm a hedonist who realizes that we only have a finite amount of time. And I only spend that finite time with those of similar bent. It appears that we have always been able to recognize one another.
I know little about "normals" and their hang ups :)

I enjoy coyness, flirtation, hesitation, blah blah blah in novels, movies, whatever, but I have little patience for that in real life.

[IronLionZion]

72. how do you find women like that?

[mitchum]

73. My friend, there are LOTS of them...

always have been and always wll be

[Breeze54]

74. "This is probably an extreme deviation from the norm"

:rofl: :P :rofl: :P :rofl: :P

[IronLionZion]

84. sex with someone I just met and then a real relationship develops immediately

that seemed kind of out there for me anyway. I'm new to this and don't know much about this stuff. She's my first girlfriend.

[tigereye]

77. isn't there a vibe you get from the person?

that's how I've always figured it out. Of course, I went to college in the somewhat hedonistic, drunken, rowdy 70s, so that might have been another part of it.

I usually think you can sense that the other person is in that mode, and some gentle, hinting touching usually moves things along. If the person doesn't feel that way, they usually let you know.

At least that's how I remember it. (since I've been out of the game and partnered for more than 25 years...)

[LeftyMom]

78. "Can I get a tour of the house?" Oh look, the bedroom! :push in, close door, remove shirt:

He got the hint.

[IronLionZion]

85. There aren't enough women like you in this world!

;)

[Critters2]

79. Take your clothes off.

That's a pretty strong hint.

[MilesColtrane]

80. Give her a hint that you want to be intimate with her.

I find an enormous, raging erection gets the point across.

[Taverner]

81. I loked for horndogs. Then I didn't have to cross that bridge.

[PVnRT]

82. Just whip your dick out for no reason

and see what happens.

[Inchworm]

83. Do what feels right

Doesnt that stuff just "happen?"

:hi:

[IronLionZion]

87. I hope so

:hi:

That's pretty much how it happened with my girlfriend. But it hasn't happened for me before with other women I was dating.

[RetroLounge]

86. Try living 5 states away from each other...

:9

RL