Do men know how to show emotion????

[lost-in-nj]

Met with my .... shit, guess its, STBX today for lunch and to talk about dividing
assets..... no emotion on his part at all... I was determined not to show any because I have always been weak and I wanted to show him I'm not anymore .... anyway, I did get "none of this was your fault" :puke:
oh thanks that makes me feel better...
said he wouldn't screw me over....
well, gee, thanks I guess after 30 years I am worth something...

anyway.... do men show emotion???
this is for men and woman..... I would like both perspectives....

btw I am numb right now.... just going through the motions.
I wish he would show a twitch of remorse.....
fucking bastard


lost

[Fire Walk With Me]

1. Men have emotions. They usually just won't admit to them.

[lost-in-nj]

6. Thanks

maybe they should show them....
instead of keeping it pent up

lost

[Fire Walk With Me]

31. Other men become amazingly uncomfortable when you speak your emotional truth.

To the point of figuring out how to make you STOP. American men, at least.

They hate the mirror. They hate when they are made to see themselves. To admit weaknesses. And defend that aspect visciously. It is utterly predictable.

The male ego is a tiny, rat-brained, indignant thing that seeks only its own needs. Spirituality is the path to transcending it.

[Mike03]

45. Wow, do I agree with this post

Nicely put.

Do you agree that there are unwritten rules for men about when it is proper, appropriate and okay to show emotions?

I definitelly agree with you that spirituality loosens the noose that keeps men from opening up to their entire selves. That is a great perception, and it's great that you posted this.

[Fire Walk With Me]

55. I'm one of those rat-brained, ultimately selfish types

on the way to being something less like that. Having to work on yourself is a definite eye-opener.

Some men become terrified when others around them start getting honest. If it's not in an environment intended for honesty and support. In those conditions, I've seen men make amazing emotional breakthroughs and share amazingly private things, in the name of growth. I hope that in spite of the damage inflicted upon me by those in fear, that they at minimum have had a seed of potential change planted somewhere way back in their hearts.

That's an excellent point regarding unwritten rules. That requires a good bit of reflection to answer properly. But from my experience, which of course is very limited, I'd say that personal space boundaries are where many unwritten rules exist between men. Although it is amusing, there is truth to something as coarse as "urinal etiquette". I think that things are lightening up so we're on the right track. Emotional space boundaries are much harder to deal with.

[DarkTirade]

2. It just depends on the man and the situation.

And whether or not they have a habit of ending conversations with 'Live long and prosper'.

[lost-in-nj]

8. You made me smile.....

:hi:

but you know and I know that in the end even Spock
showed emotion....



lost

[Deja Q]

11. Hmmm

Which end was that?

:rofl:

[DarkTirade]

52. I do what I can. :)

Of all the souls I have met, his was the most... human.

[Deja Q]

3. Yes. Such men are known as

sensitive
compassionate
concerned
wimps
geeks
dweebs
sissies
mama's boys
wankers
wussies
pansies

I could go on; I've been called the lot...

[lost-in-nj]

10. The first three

descriptions are true....
the rest are from assholes that are hiding the fact that they cry to....

:hug:

lost

[SPKrazy]

4. I think they do

I know i do

I've never really gotten the "macho" thing of not showing emotions, however you also grow up as a man learning not to show emotion as it is "weak"

I totally disagree with that sentiment, as I think it is possibly one of the gifts of our fathers that kills men and ruins relationships.

Sorry you are where you are lost...

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

12. Thanks

for your insight SPK....

I will feel better.... I always do

:hug:

lost

[SPKrazy]

43. i believe that

you will

:hug: :hug:

[Guava Jelly]

5. Some show too much

I am sorry you are going through hell.
Just remember that lack of emotions can be attributed to both sexes.
Not all men are jerks..And not all women are saints.
People are assholes by nature and having a penis or a vagina has nothing to do with it.
:hug: This too shall pass

[lost-in-nj]

13. Actually

those are wise words
and I appreciate them...

and yes, I know it will pass......

:hug:

lost

[Mike03]

7. I show emotions during stressful events

During my divorce, I was the emotional one. I would cry and sob like a baby on the phone and my ex wife was cold and steady.

When I learned my father had cancer, I couldn't even talk on the phone to family members. It ripped me apart and there was no way to conceal the hearbreak.

Same for when I have lost pets.

Most of the time I can detach from certain emotions, but my spiritual practices encourage compassion, and sometimes reading a story in the paper about great tragedy makes me very emotional, but I keep that to myself--that's just when I'm alone.

Maybe because of the way I was raised, I'm not ashamed of emotion, although I don't like to do it around other people unless they are directly involved with my life--wife, parents, sisters. That's about it. Once in a while I will cry at a movie. I sobbed at "Million Dollar Baby." Amazingly, it was a young woman next to me who comforted me! Crying is a great way to meet women! A lot of movies have made me cry, especially "The Hours." I'm not proud to cry in public, but I'm not ashamed either. I used to care a lot about what other people thought of me, but at some point I stopped caring, and I just have to be who I am and express what I feel, within limits.

[lost-in-nj]

17. Thanks for sharing your feelings

not sure of your situation
but my husband left me.... so I guess thats why he is strong.....
its what he wants....


:hi:

lost

[Mike03]

23. My situation is very hard to describe

I would be embarrassed to do it on a messageboard, but my case in my opinon was a very gray area, and was situation that did not need to end in divorce. We had couples counciling that turned into a disaster, and I still think, all these years later, that the therapist made things a thousand times worse than they had to be. That was my opinion then, and it's my opinion now, all these many years later, when I have matured into an intelligent adult, finally.

[Inchworm]

9. I do

but don't tell anyone, ok?

:hug::hug::hug:

[coffee_strong]

16. wow

30 yrs is a long time! Maybe he's cried while not in your prescencse?

[Inchworm]

19. hi!

You probably meant this for Lost :)

:hi:

[lost-in-nj]

22. maybe

on his girlfriends shoulder????

:hi:

lost

[lost-in-nj]

21. ....

:hug: :hug:


I kinda knew that......


lost

[ThomCat]

14. That depends.

I have been told that my face shows what I'm feeling. I'm very expressive. Some other people have good poker faces.

I'm sorry you are going through all of that. :hug:

[lost-in-nj]

Hey you

i will be ok....
just a little pity party right now

:hug: :hug:

I'm excited for you....
all the traveling.... and you will do GREAT!!!!!!

lost

[ThomCat]

28. I hope you're right on both counts.

I hope you'll be far more than just okay. :hug:

And I hope I don't end up in an ER. :(

[janx]

15. Of course they do!

He was probably just doing what I often do in stressful situations (and I'm not a guy): stiff upper lip and all that.

Note that you said you were determined not to show any emotion. It's the circumstance, not the gender.

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

27. You are probably right

but I was always the weaker one....
I think he expected a breakdown from me......
oh well!!!!

:hi:

lost

[janx]

50. Yeah, and when he found there was no breakdown from you,

he probably freaked out and clammed up that much more! Our emotions are fragile, and we're usually trying to protect ourselves. Sometimes I wonder at a culture that instilled in men certain ways of behaving. Men are (or were) certainly encouraged to control emotion, but what this did, ultimately, was to almost encourage anger instead of grief. Was that productive? :shrug:

I had a phone call from an ex last night that kind of mirrored those lines. He had invited himself to my town for the holidays (again). The first time he did this, a couple of years ago, he behaved himself. The second time (last year), he most certainly did not. When I suggested that this year would probably not be a good time to show up, he became not grieved or saddened, but angry. I haven't had anything like a romantic relationship with this man since the early to mid-eighties. He didn't raise his kids. He has re-connected with them during the past several years, which is fine with me. (They are grown now.) He has had another wife, more kids, another divorce, and many girlfriends. One of the latter phoned me from his cell phone, thinking I was another one of his girlfriends. That part was kind of funny. ;-) I'm not happy with his behavior, but I know that the guy is human guy and is reacting with anger instead of grief.

:shrug:

So while I think we're all on par on the emotional scale, some of us might know how better to deal with it than others. That's all I can figure out.

[Lex]

18. Has he always been emotionless--before the marriage and during?

:shrug:

[lost-in-nj]

29. No

He cried at funerals, happy times, and at ET
he would yell from the mountain tops when the kids were born....
he didn't hide his emotion, maybe quelled it a little

he used to feel....


lost

[Bucky]

20. Stand in front of the teevee when the Astros are on and, yes, I'll show emotions

I'll cry, I'll share, I'll buy you shoes. Anything just to get you to move. Why women don't utilize this power position more often I'll never know.

[lost-in-nj]

30. Thanks for the giggle

and I will take a pair of shoes!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :hug:

lost

[CGowen]

24. I don't know, but it's not that easy and people are different and it depends on more factors

BBC
Secrets Of The Sexes
Episode 1
BRAINSEX

Men and women are just the same. Just as caring, just as promiscuous, just as good at a three point turn. Aren't they? The results of a new BBC sex survey of 500,000 people from around the globe - the largest ever carried out - provide very revealing answers. And five men and five women are put through a unique battery of experiments to uncover the real differences between the sexes. Engineer Lloyd finds out what's missing in him. Bickering couple Liz and Craig squabble over who's the most empathic.......

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3895012248981496830&hl=en




Episode 2
ATTRACTION
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8405512076188271145&hl=en

Episode 3
LOVE
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4225850658437863110&hl=en

[lost-in-nj]

32. WOW thanks for that!!

I will revisit this tomorrow!!!!


lost

[truedelphi]

25. Hang in there - there is no country so cruel as the land of divorce

It is certainly no help to have to face an emotionless shell.

But that coldness is often an aspect of clamped down, held in grief.

Better he's doing that than he decided to get you by not allowing you to have the shares of what is rightfully yours.

[lost-in-nj]

33. Your right

he is being quite generous....

I tend to believe its guilt....

:hi: :hug:

lost

[supernova]

26. As a woman who has been labeled as "emotionless"

it's really not true, for either gender.

Men have emotions, it's just that the more "masculine" the man, the more likely he has been to be conditioned not to be very demonstrative ... in public. So, just because you don't see 'em,; don't think they aren't there. They are.

I'm often perceived as rather emotionless because I'm introverted. It's just not comfortable for me to be very demonstrative in front of a room full of strangers. Come to my private playground if you really want to know me.

[lost-in-nj]

34. Thank you

for your perspective....
Every insight helps.....

:pals:

lost

[supernova]

42. It has nothing to do with you

and everything to do with how much is too much.

If the environment is too stimulating and too exposed for me, the "cooler" I become. It has nothing to do with the people I'm with and everything to do with not wanting to feel out of control or that I might need a valium. :crazy:

[Xipe Totec]

36. Still waters run deep

My father's family is prone to expressions of emotion. Explosive sometimes. Either joy, grief, anger, jealousy... There are no half measures here. They are, in a word, mercurial.

My mother's family is not prone to expressions of emotion. They are reserved, measured, and disapproving of any display of public affection.

Whenever my family has been in need, guess which side of the family has been there, and which has disappeared from the face of the earth.

I have learned that outward displays of emotion are not mirrors to the soul, but masks to the world.

[lost-in-nj]

38. My family showed every emotion

his family was guarded but emotions did leak through....
his Mom how ever was stoic in public, even when her hubby (his dad) died.....

he was free with his emotions at least to me.....
I guess the other switch got turned on...


lost

[Xipe Totec]

49. He said none of this was your fault,

and that he wouldn't screw me over.

Those are not the words of a man devoid of emotions.

Those are the words of someone who still cares.

[supernova]

39. Yes,

Still waters run deep.

It's not that I disapprove of PDAs, far from it. It's a matter of degrees.

You're likely to see me holding hands with someone, but not giving him a lap dance in our favorite bar.

I'll save that for later in private. :evilgrin:

[SarahB]

35. I don't know.

Usually I'm this warm, emotional fuzzy person with partners, but by the time I got to the end of my former marriage, I was pretty much a fucking ice cube with him. I know that hurt him, but nothing was left except cold politeness. My current husband is pretty warm, fuzzy, and emotional too, but we both need our space at times too. People are just people. I don't know if everything's a gender thing. I'm sorry though. :hug:

[lost-in-nj]

41. Thanks SarahBelle

I know its not a gender thing....
guess I was just a little bitter LOL

I know you show emotion......
:hug: :hug:

lost

[Blue-Jay]

37. Your entire premise is illogical.

Spock:


Evil Spock:


Cartoon Spock:


Jam Master Spock:


Hunky Spock:

[Fire Walk With Me]

40. Sometimes, men can be quite emotionally eloquent.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=aiqkDm9UoKo

[bigwillq]

44. I do.

But I am "one of the gays" so maybe I'm different. :P ;) :)

:hi:

[Mike03]

46. Can we recommend this post even though it is in the Lounge?

It's important enough not to drop like a stone, and so very relative to modern society's obstacles and flaws.

[AlCzervik]

47. my husband is way more demonstrative then i am, it was his upbringing,

he's a really positive person and i am the lead balloon that keeps the balance. If you ever watch watch a movie with bring the box of kleenex because he's going to cry.

Ok now my Dad, like a slab of granite, the only time i ever saw my Dad cry was when my Mom died and i think that was out of guilt, the way i was brought up was Nana and Granpa are who you go to to get a hug, Dad was for "Planning your future, don't come home pregnant and for Christ's sake stop that crying!"

I think i ended up somewhere in between my grandparents and my Dad.

[maxsolomon]

48. no

no, they don't.

i have no emotions.

:eyes:

[Xipe Totec]

51. And how does that make you feel?

:popcorn:

[janx]

53. ...

:rofl:

[maxsolomon]

67. hey! my shrink doesn't laugh at me!

that makes me even more not emotional.

[supernova]

54. Fast-track to most annoying person

Nothing annoys an emotional minimalist more intensely than being told they need to "open up," "be more demonstrative."

Just concentrate on expressing your own emotions, the minimalist will follow suit, to the extent they feel comfortable.

[NC_Nurse]

56. Great Valentine card I saw once.

Front said: "On midnight, Valentine's Day, men all over the world finally opened up to share their innermost feelings with the
women who had been asking for SO long."

Inside: "At 12:01am, women all over the world were sorry they asked."

Bwahahaha! :D

[truedelphi]

61. Heh Heh.

There was a card store that had a section for divorcees to pick cards.

One for Happy Birthday went
"Happy Birthday to You!"
"Happy Birthday to You!"
Happy Birthday... Wait a minute - it always was about you, wasn't it?"

[NC_Nurse]

66. Ha! Good one.

:D

[WritingIsMyReligion]

57. I'm a woman and I don't easily show emotion.

Weepy women and weepy men drive me batshit.:D

:shrug:

[mvd]

58. Delete

Wrong place

[Downtown Hound]

59. Men have emotions

It's just that we're largely taught not to express them.

[Kajsa]

60. That sucks, Lost!

I know, my ex did the same to me.

He ended the marriage with the same emotions
one would have dropping a class in college.

Marriage was a friggin elective for him- plain and simple!

Now we are friends, but it took some time to get there.

Hang in there, dear lady.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel
and it ain't a train!

:hug:

[Lady Freedom]

62. I wonder...

:cry:

[Deep13]

63. What difference does it make how he feels?

I assume you are talking about a divorce. Anyway, men have a tendency to shove emotion aside to get the job done. Since the purpose of the meeting was dividing assets, that is what he was likely focused on, not how he was feeling. To our credit, men generally understand that our feelings have no bearing on how the world treats us.

[One_Life_To_Give]

64. Hormonally Less

I would have to say less. Based on caution statements about the sudden flood of additional emotions for Transgenders starting Estrogen Therapy. (Ask Alice at URNOTALONE)

[idgiehkt]

65. wow

that is enlightening. I have read something similar elsewhere, a man who had some strange hormone deficiency where he started developing female secondary sex characteristics. He said he knew it was bad when his son pointed to a barbie and said "Daddy". But he said that after that experience (he was treated) he had enjoyed the experience of having so many nuanced emotions and that was one thing that he felt like he had missed as a man. Food for thought.

[NewWaveChick1981]

68. Awww....lost...

:hug: :pals: That stinks. :hug: I'm sorry.

[eyesroll]

69. I'm female and I go into cold lawyer mode when I need to do emotionally laden things.

It's what I need to do to get through them. It's not a matter of showing or not showing emotion -- it's a matter of getting stuff done versus not getting stuff done.

Most of the men in my life with whom I've gone through emotionally laden events (my SO, my dad, my ex) show emotion way more than I do.

Sorry you're dealing with this.

[Orsino]

70. Oftimes not until we unlearn some of that stoicism we're taught.

Jesus. Thirty years? I'm very sorry.