50% of all married men have affairs

[Haole Girl]

My grandfather told me this when I was in my 20's and single.

I didn't believe it at the time.

Now... well, I am not so sure.

What do you think Lounge?

:shrug:

[Xipe Totec]

1. I'm way behind schedule then nt

[Haole Girl]

4. It does seem rather high, doesn't it?

My grandfather was a bit cynical.

[Xipe Totec]

8. No, I'm just behind schedule...

:hide:


I kid, I kid...

[BarenakedLady]

2. Interesting

That seems a rather high number.

50% of marriage ends in divorce though.

:shrug:

[Haole Girl]

5. Well, there are no real stats on that... in some states...

And, I read somewhere the 50% divorce rate is a bit of a myth. But, I'm not sure about that either! The older I get, the less I know! lol!

[Gormy Cuss]

3. 95% of all casual statistics are made up.

Although to be fair to your grandfather, the rate of affairs was probably higher when divorce was considered shameful.

[Haole Girl]

6. You have a point there...

Thanks. :hi:

[TommyO]

24. "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."

Thank you, Mark Twain!

If you're ever in the Hartford, CT area, visit the Mark Twain House. It's hard to believe that it's been seven years since I've visited Hartford.

[Haole Girl]

28. I'd love to visit his house... love Samuel Clemmons/Mark Twain!

:hi:

[Gormy Cuss]

61. Great quote, but I think it's attributed to Disraeli.

Twain liked to repeat it, as I recall.

on edit: I know exactly where the Twain house is in Hartford, too. ;-)

[TommyO]

74. After just a wee bit of research, I think you're right!

Unlike those on the right, I love correction when I'm wrong - it leads to growth, both intellectually and spiritually.

[Omphaloskepsis]

113. There is this too..

“Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.” Aaron Levenstein

[ThomCat]

7. I certainly hope it's not that high.

I guess I've always assumed it was around 1 in 4, or 1 in 5. :(

[Haole Girl]

9. Me too!

It's bothered me for some time, so I thought I'd finally toss the question out there. Thanks!

[lost-in-nj]

10. I didn't believe it either

but I know better.....

:(



lost

[Haole Girl]

11. Oh....

So sorry to open up that wound again. :hug:

[ThomCat]

15. That doesn't sound good.

:hug:

I'm sorry.

[NewJeffCT]

12. Don't think it's true

I think my wife & I are both too tired to have affairs.

[Haole Girl]

13. lol!

Many of us are!

:rofl:

[AlCzervik]

14. My Grampa used to tell me i was a princess, sometimes Grampas overshoot the runway.

[Haole Girl]

18. My grandfather never called me a princess...

..he did teach me a lot about cars, though! lol! :hi:

Really, though, I know what you are saying.

[barb162]

51. You mean you're not a real princess?!?

(I am but no one else knows about it, LOL)

[Haole Girl]

53. Only in my dreams!

:rofl:

[barb162]

59. Whenever I am washing something or cleaning I say, but

I'm a princess. Why am I doing this? And then I get back to cleaning. Oh well....

[Haole Girl]

60. Ha-ha!

:rofl:

[AlCzervik]

55. i would totally bring down the princess real estate, they'd kick me off the street

before i even got the serfs to unload the moving van.

[Haole Girl]

77. lol!

I just saw this... too funny! :D

[CGowen]

16. I heard that during WWII the numbers were 70% n/t

[Haole Girl]

20. Really? That high? Wow!

:wow:

[CGowen]

25. But I think the numbers were more general and they included engagement or girlfriend,

I saw it in a documentary recently but can't remember what it was.

[bluethruandthru]

23. My dad was in WWII and my mother always said

she wouldn't be surprised if I had brothers and sisters in Europe!

[Haole Girl]

30. That is kind of a scary thought. nt

[Deep13]

88. You can tell which of us have not.

We tend to be fat, bald or both.

[Lorien]

41. I heard 70% on Oprah once, maybe about ten years ago

Considering how many married men have propositioned me, I tend to believe the statistic.

[Haole Girl]

43. I would believe my grandfather before I would believe a guest on Oprah!

But, neither stat is very good. That is really too bad about all those married men propositioning you... do you think there is any particular reason (your line of work, etc?)?

[Lorien]

47. Well, I worked in an industry that was mostly male

(Animation) and I have long blonde hair and a 1950s pinup sorta figure...but I'm well read and educated, and come from a family of seven psychologists, so I'm nowhere near as vapid as one would expect from the packaging. I have always wished that I were an athletic brunette like my best friend. She always found men who wanted a committed relationship with her, and she's now married to a wonderful guy. I've only ever found men who are just looking for a piece of ass. x(

[Haole Girl]

49. Aww....

I was brunette and always wanted to be blonde! :hug:

[Lorien]

58. Count yourself lucky

the old saying is true "Gentlemen prefer blondes but marry brunettes". Unfortunately, those who are NOT gentlemen try to cheat later with all the blondes who could never find husbands of their own! We end up with a rather unhappy view of the opposite gender.

Oh, and I have tried to dye my hair. Did you know that it's nearly impossible to keep red or brown hair dye in naturally light hair? Lightening is easy, darkening destroys your hair. And my hair grows in wavy on one side and straight on the other, so short hair is out of the question. It's pathetic that something as trivial as hair color can impact a person's life so dramatically (well, that and cleavage. We're a very superficial species).

Thanks for the :hug:. I needed that. :loveya:

[Roon]

100. My Grandfather was in France after they liberated it

He used to talk about how "grateful" the French ladies were and how they bailed out of the soldiers tents when they blew revile the next morning. He never said if he messed around. I like to think that he didn't since he married my Grandmother very shortly before he went overseas.

[Arugula Latte]

17. Wouldn't be surprised if that were actually a low number...

Sadly.

[MissMillie]

19. I had heard about 20 years ago that 70% of married men admit to affairs

which made me believe the number was even higher than that.

[Haole Girl]

21. Ouch

Guess I should have asked this question earlier. hmm...

[Maestro]

22. I guess I'm in the "other" 50%.

Faithful as a basset hound I am. Heck, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to be lose my kids.

[Haole Girl]

26. You're a good man

:hug:

[_testify_]

27. Me 2.

I can't think of many things lower.

[Haole Girl]

29. Hey! You guys deserve a special award, eh?

:D

[_testify_]

31. Nah!

I get all the thanks I need here at home ;)

[SarahB]

32. Maybe I'm weird, but...

I think the idea of keeping your children away from their parent because said parent had an affair is far more reprehensible than an affair itself. I hope that makes sense and I hate being guilty of twisting anyone's words or drawing false conclusions. My views just tend to be more liberal on the subject than most people though, DU included.

[eyesroll]

71. Agreed...but then again, going from seeing your kids every day to something significantly less

can feel quite a bit like "losing your kids."

I agree that, absolutely, unless you're parading an affair partner in front of your kids or something, it shouldn't affect your custody division...but the every-other-weekend visitation thing is still extremely common, mostly for fathers.

[Lorien]

81. Even if they are "parading" their affair partner in front of the kids

the kids still want to see their parent. My dad ran off with another woman when I was seven and my sister was two. I got to see him every other weekend, but I wanted to see him every week. I didn't care what had happened, who had done what to whom...I was just a kid who still wanted a dad in her life!

[SarahB]

94. That's what I mean.

My ex and I didn't end for an affair, but we ended bitterly and yet we sucked it up and have shared custody for three years now. We have no emotional ties, we're not friends, though we speak almost daily, but it's almost like a business relationship where we have the same goals and can work toward that. He still does stupid things that drive me crazy, but I put it aside for the kids (vice versa at times too I'm sure, I'm no bastion of perfection myself).

The kids don't care. They just love their parents and as long as it's not some abusive bastard where you fear for your children's safety, they're entitled to share their life with both parents as much as possible.

[colinmom71]

95. Er, I think Maestro meant he was more concerned about living in a mostly...

separate household from his kids, and not that his wife would necessarily keep them away from him deliberately. Most courts today do not consider the marital dynamics towards determining custody, with the only consideration often being an order of no overnight visits by unrelated opposite sex persons while a parent has their parenting time (visitation) with the kids. Though as the kids get older and hit the more social teen years, the kids tend to initiate reduced visitation time with the mainly non-custodial parent in order to have weekends for their own social activities.

But then you have situations where the married partner in an affair becomes verbally and emotionally abusive not only to the spouse but to the kids as well. Where that is dynamic in a family facing separation/divorce, it may actually be in the better interests of the kids to not be compelled to spend time with an abusive parent. For myself, I will only say that it's not fun to be "gaslighted" by your own father just so the other woman's kids don't have to know their precious mommy was knowingly screwing a married man. I wish my mom had stood up and protected me from his crap, but I was pretty much left on my own to deal with his manipulations and verbal assaults.

It's not always that easy to just say that one parent is keeping the kids from the parent who cheated. A lot of abuse tends to occur in those situations, so it may seem like the betrayed spouse is being vindictive where in a lot of cases they may actually be working to be protective for their kids during and immediately after the divorce. Just wanted to mention this as something to consider...

[Maestro]

106. Yep. That is what I meant.

:thumbsup: I would not want to "lose" or be separated from my children in any way shape for form because of my actions. Certainly, if my wife and I could not work things out, we would separate, but I would try to work out some very liberal custody options.

[SarahB]

108. I hope you don't think I was "dissing" you.

I can truly understand and respect what your trying to say. I think my post comes from having known women who, when a marriage ends and they were cheated on, actually do take the mindset of "I'm not going to let that cheating bastard see the kids." Kids are pawns in that case. I know you're happy and not a cheater, so it's all good. B-)

[Maestro]

116. Oh no, I didn't think that at all. No worries.

:)

[davsand]

33. Is this kind of like the 5% of of the population is Gay thing?

I want to say that originated with the first Kinsey report (not sure, but that sounds right...)

Anyhow, that report was later shown to have flaws in the method for data collection and those flaws resulted in both exaggerations of "manly" behaviors and denial of activities perceived negatively. I suppose it could be possible that 50% thing has roots there.

I honestly don't have a clue if it is right or not. I can see it as being too high and I can see it being too low. I want to think men AND women are capable of sustaining monogamy, but I will also admit that I think there are a lot of people who do not take marriage all that seriously.

Wow. Food for thought.


Laura

[Haole Girl]

36. It IS food for thought...

I've been "pondering" the thought for 20 years now! lol!

Thanks. :hi:

[lizziegrace]

34. In my house

it was 100% of married men. x(

[Haole Girl]

37. Oh noooooo...

Did you get my PM, btw? ;-)

[lizziegrace]

38. I did!

it's been a very, very long and busy week. :(

[Haole Girl]

40. Keeping my fingers crossed

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

52. You're too funny!

;)

[Haole Girl]

57. I've been told that once or twice! lol!

;-)

[mainegreen]

35. I don't believe it.

I just don't think 50 percent of men are having sex outside the marriage.
Maybe I'm an optimist, but really, sex is a potent drive and all, but the fear of loosing your wife, your children, your home and your self respect, let alone your desire, hopefully, to be faithful to your wife because you love her, are much stronger forces than 'damn, that's some fine booty'.

:shrug:

[Haole Girl]

39. Aww...

That is such a nice thought. And, that is what I believed - when I was younger - it really is.

[Shine]

42. I have no idea if this is true or not

but I DO know I'm married to a man who has been completely faithful to me. I guess he's in the OTHER 50%. :D

:loveya:

[Haole Girl]

44. You two do seem to have a very happy marriage!

Nice to see ya, Shine! :hi:

[Shine]

46. Good to see you, too, sweetie.

today is a very special day for MrShine and I. I just posted a thread about it. It's the 15 yr anniv. of our engagement.

It was 3 yrs to the day after the Loma Prieta earthquake, which happened 18 yrs ago today. We were both in Santa Cruz at the time, but didn't know each other yet. At one point, during the evening of his proposal he said some cheesy line, "3 yrs ago the earth moved and now it's moving again!" LOL. :rofl:

He's a romantic sap. I'm a lucky gal. :loveya:

:hi: :hug:

[Haole Girl]

48. You are very lucky!

Your story warmed my heart... how sweet! :hi: :hug:

[Inchworm]

45. I would think the number to be higher- everyone has affairs

Affairs of grand significance!

Mebbe its none of my affair to debate statistics :D

:hide:

:hi:

[Haole Girl]

50. You're silly...

..but you already know that! :hi: :hug:

[barb162]

54. I think it's probably true.

[Haole Girl]

56. I should have made this thread a poll...

..because I am confused now!

:crazy:

[Rabrrrrrr]

62. Only because 50% of women think it's cool to screw a married guy

[Haole Girl]

66. It does take two to tango....unless.... and it happened to me once..

..the jerk lies about being married. Oh yeah, it happened. I was about 24... he was a real savoir faire type... said he "hadn't found the right woman to marry." Never thought I had to ask in a "Yes or No" question form. He rationalized it, too, after I realized he was married. I'll never forget his, "Did I ever say I was married to the right woman?" *sigh*

[Lorien]

69. Believe me, most married guys don't reveal the fact that they are

married until AFTER they've seduced the "other woman". Then they come up with all sorts of sad stories and justifications as to why they've strayed and why they need to reform and become a good husband again-or not, depending on what they think they can get away with. I personally don't know of any woman who thinks that it's "cool" to play second fiddle with another woman's husband.

[Haole Girl]

72. Thank you

Well said.

[ileus]

63. I'd say correct.

From what I’ve seen working in a hospital for 10 years both men and women take advantage of an opportunity if one exists. I’ve seen affairs where neither person was looking it just kinda happened. People get to talking and they reveal to much trying to end loneliness sometimes I suppose.
I’ve also seen serial cheaters on both sides. It’s amazing what goes on if you just mind your own business and observe. I’ve interjected into a few before just because I happened to care about one or the other. My wife probably stopped one in the early stages a few weeks ago at her clinic…

[Tuesday Afternoon]

65. And I would Agree with you.

n/t

[Haole Girl]

67. Thanks

:hi:

[bigwillq]

64. I believe it.

Men are scum. I am one of those scum. I been with quite a few married men b/c they tell me their wives don't fulfil all of their sexual needs. I believe men stray for sex and not, usually, love.

Ok now that I declared myself I slut, I will move on from this thread. :P :)


:hi: sweetie!

[Haole Girl]

68. You.... a slut?

I don't believe it!!

:P

:hi: to you, too, sweetie!!

[bigwillq]

70. Yeah...

I've been a naughty boy...not so much anymore but ya know..... :P


:) :hug:

[Haole Girl]

73. Hey,

..be careful out there, ok? :hug:

[bigwillq]

79. I am.

:hug:

[SarahB]

109. Married bisexuals are caught between a rock and a hard place.

Ideally, a couple in this situation can find something that works for them and no one has to cheat or hide anything.

Slut? Some of my best friends are sluts. :D

[havocmom]

75. Would you send that reminder to my ex-husband's former girlfriend/current wife?

Every now and then, she needs a reminder :evilgrin:

[Haole Girl]

76. It never works, does it...

...the ex-husband's former girlfriend/current wife?

[havocmom]

78. Something about knowing who's not trustworthy...

:rofl:

[javadu]

80. As a married man who has never had an affair . . .

I would be afraid to be with someone who would lower their standards to be with me.

I know it sounds like I have low self-esteem -- I do not. I am also not prudish. But the scare tactics used by sex educators have had a lasting effect on me and someone who would want to be with a married man is likely the kind of "high risk" that I don't want to expose myself to.

[Haole Girl]

83. It's good to be afraid of the risks

Too many people aren't!

[libodem]

82. Man, is that ever sad.

Seems like both sexes have more affairs these days. I read somewhere that in, Europe, usually both partners have affairs, with a kind of mutual, looking the other way, pretending not to know. It's expected because people marry for the family lines, business and status. Affairs of the heart are common. In this country, we are still very puritanical, especially when it comes to the women straying. Women, are more hurt by the betrayal, of the man's giving his emotional attention, to another woman and men are much more concerned by the woman's physical act with another man. I think that's why women are so hurt by cyber affairs, even if they aren't physical. It's the emotional betrayal. What a tough life it is these days. If people put all that extramarital energy, that goes into cheating, into each other, a lot of marriages might be saved.

[Haole Girl]

84. I've heard and read that, too, about Europeans

..and I remember their bewilderment at the way Bill Clinton was treated over his affair with Monica.

[From The Ashes]

85. During the dark days...

before I left, I considered sending a note to my STBE's current squeeze. Something along the lines of 'He did it to me so someday he'll do it to you.' but I thought better of it. Too much like sour grapes.

[Haole Girl]

86. She'll learn...

..the hard way. They always do. :hug:

[From The Ashes]

87. yep he's her problem now...

Whether a man can be faithful or not is the deal breaker for me these days. I've had all the drama I care to, thankyouverymuch! :hug:

[Aristus]

89. Um...does heavy flirting count?

:shrug:

[Haole Girl]

90. I hope I don't get flamed for saying this...

...but I'd say nope. ;-)

[Aristus]

91. Ooh! You winked at me!

HEY EVERYBODY! KC2 WINKED AT ME! I THINK WE'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR!!

[Haole Girl]

92. Stop it!!

That's how rumors get started!!

[caty]

93. What some men don't

seem to get is that once they cheat, they can no longer be trusted or respected. Even if they don't get caught, they know that they have lost something very valuable in their relationship that they will never get back and will live in fear of the day they are caught. This goes for wives too. I know someone who had a one time fling over ten years ago, and she still says that she lives in fear of the day her husband finds out. It's just not worth it. Break up, move out, file for a divorce---and then have an affair.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

96. 50% of married men may claim to have had affairs...

but I'd be willing to bet there are a lot of fish stories out there.

By the same token, since sleeping around does not add to, and can even hinder, a woman's prestige; I'd bet that there are fewer married women who admit to their affairs.

[Mythsaje]

97. I tend to doubt this figure...

I've known very few adulterers. Then again, maybe it's more common with the types of guys I don't tend to hang around in the first place.

[Quixote1818]

98. 90% of Married Men couldn't get a date even if they paid for it

Do you mean they have an affair with a prostitute on their business trip to Vegas? :yoiks:

[hunter]

99. I'm faithful, even when I'm dreaming. What's with that?

I'll be dreaming I'm young and single and frolicking naked in the surf with some friend from college, and as soon as it gets the least bit sexual, I'll tell her "Oh, didn't you know? I'm married!" and it just ends, not even a good-bye kiss. Every time.

[Pushed To The Left]

101. Too much of that crap going on these days. Both genders.

As a single man, it makes me wonder how many people out there can be trusted.

[DarkTirade]

102. How do you define 'an affair'

A date that ends in nothing? A single kiss? A single night together? Long-term fooling around?

[leftofthedial]

103. let's go do it!

we could meet in Hays, KS. I'll drive east and you drive west. Do it like monkeys in heat until we can't even walk. Every Wednesday.


Whaddya say?


Oh wait. I'm not married anymore.


Never mind.

[SKKY]

104. Sadly, I think it is more true than not...

[qnr]

105. Hmmm. I wonder which half of me is having an affair? Guess I'll never

know, since I refuse to associate with people like me.

[ashling]

107. Can't speak for anyone else

I have only had one beautiful affair for going on 28 years now. (BTW,its my wife)

My humorous answer: 50% of all married men can't remember well enough to find their car keys. ... much less have an affair.
:rofl:

[raccoon]

110. My guess would be 25-30%. But who knows? nt

[Myrina]

111. ... and the other 50% wish they could ...

n/t

[triguy46]

112. And his source was?????

[Sweet Freedom]

114. Depending on your grandfather's age...

I do believe that many men from my grandfather's era had affairs because -- if the women in my family were any indication of the norm -- their wives had sex for procreation only and then quit having sex when they were done having kids. My grandparents and their siblings all had separate beds and even bedrooms after child-bearing years. I'm not aware of actual affairs, but wouldn't be surprised if there were.

Not sure what the stats are now.

[Orsino]

115. I really have no clue as to percentages.

I'm oblivious to such things, I guess, but have not personally known of any acquaintance who had an affair.

[northzax]

117. this was a Kinsey statistic

and therefore seriously suspect.