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Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the
stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Sanders, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Desmond. I've known you
since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and
talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you
haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit, paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Sanders, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Cristofaro, since He
was youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to
approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you
idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
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