Need Help - Democratic reply to this crap going through lists

[Donnachaidh]

Okay all you creative DUers --

Can we come up with a Republican version of this?

2008 Democrat Convention Agenda




7:00 pm Opening - raising of the Mexican flag

7:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance to the UN

7:20 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:25 pm Nonreligious prayer and worship with Jessie
Jackson and Al Sharpton

7:45 pm Ceremonial tree hugging

7:55 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:00 pm How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore

8:15 pm Gay Wedding - Barney Frank presiding

8:35 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

8:40 pm Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry

9:00 pm Resurrect Saddam Rally - Cindy Sheehan and Susan
Sarandon

11:00 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 pm Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney
transplant fund - Barbara Streisand

11:15 pm Free the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay -
Sean Penn

11:30 pm Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton

11:45 pm Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:50 pm How George Bush Brought Down the World Trade Towers
- Howard Dean

12:15 am "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan
Rather by Michael Moore

12:25 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:30 am Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

12:45 am Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi

1:00 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:05 am Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton

1:30 am Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Ted to drive Hillary home

[madinmaryland]

1. Try this....

6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

[Donnachaidh]

2. ROFLMAO!!!

oh that's good!

Thanks! I'll probably get kicked off the list -- but it's worth it :evilgrin:

[Patiod]

3. that would be funnier if half of them weren't really going to happen

unfortunately, the Rush revivals and beer bongs might not be realistic, but everything else on there looks extraordinarily accurate (well, maybe you need a a few more "blame Clinton" moments).

Also, you have a typo -- it should be "list of Black Republican", not "Republicans"

[madinmaryland]

4. It is correct as shown. There are three black republics...

JC Watts, Clarence Thomas, and Condaleeza Rice.

[Patiod]

5. You are correct. My apologies.

I'd still beef up the number of "blame Clinton" moments, though.

[madinmaryland]

6. You could actually put "blame Clinton" after every item!

The almighty Clenis strikes again!

[ashling]

7. Don't forget

various times as the mood strikes him: Ted Nugent proposes to toast the Democratic candidate

[edbermac]

13. Don't forget the prayer session led by Pastor Ted Haggard.

Oh look, he's down on his knees already. :sarcasm:

[grace0418]

8. You could add this to the others...

7:00 p.m. Announcement that dinner will be delayed because a no-bid contract was awarded to Halliburton to cater the event and they showed up with nothing but rotten food. Ted Nugent and Dick Cheney are out trying to catch dinner as we speak.

[huskerlaw]

9. Lawyer...it's what's for dinner?

Since that's all Cheney knows how to shoot...

[Donnachaidh]

10. recap -- the initial list was a WINNER!

And I'm still on the list.

But the great big "THANK YOU for posting this" responses beat out the *hur hur, ain't we funnee* republican responses to the original at about 4 to 1.

Thank you all! I'm still going to add things to the list, for the next stupid email that comes through.

[Oeditpus Rex]

11. I got that e-mail a couple months ago

from an old girlfriend who moved to New Mexico and became a redneck. I responded with the agenda for the Republic convention, and when there was a mild earthquake here the next day, she e-mailed back, "Obviously the shaking ceased your sense of humor."

I replied:

Yeah, y'know what? With criminals in the White House whose "We don't have to obey the law" attitude has made even the Nixon regime look like amateurs, who've gotten 3,600 Americans and dog knows how many Iraqis killed so they could control the oil and who believe only rich, white heterosexuals and large corporations deserve a piece of the "American dream," I really don't have much of a sense of humor left for worn-out jokes about Clinton's cock.

Her reply: "Alrighty then."

I haven't heard from her since. :D

[Bullwinkle925]

12. it feels like you're in a parallel universe, doesn't it - when you have acquaintances . . .

whom you like (or used to like) and they start spouting crap like this. does it make you step back and do a self-reassessment? it does for me. i have one repug friend whom i care for very much - and then she says things which make me look at her like she's grown a second head.

sheesh.

[Oeditpus Rex]

14. Yup

Many's the time I've wanted to ask her, "What the hell HAPPENED to you??"