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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-27-07 11:00 AM
Original message
Mangled English around the world
Edited on Mon Aug-27-07 11:06 AM by bob_weaver
In the window of a Rhodes tailor:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.

At a Bangkok dry cleaners:
Drop your trousers here for the best results.

Caption under a photo of a local rural dance in the former USSR:
Young men's balls in full swing.

A tourist agency in Czechoslovakia:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In an Austrian hotel catering for skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Paris hotel:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

In a butcher shop in Nahariyya, Israel:
I slaughter myself twice daily.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

A Thai hotel:
Please do not bring solicitors into your room.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well speaking.
Here speeching America.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

On the menu of a Polish restaurant:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a bakery in Vale af Kashmir:
First class loafer.

From a Russian airline safety brochure:
Crew's action to suppress the possible incident will be urgent and drastic up to fulfilment of the expensive forced landing. Besides the juridical consequences infringer will be obliged to pay an impressive fine to compensate the waste.

In the Restaurant des Artistes, Montmarte, Paris:
We serve five o' clock tea at all hours.

Notice in a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

A bar in Acapulco:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

A road sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop. Drive sideways.

In a Tokyo car rental agency:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

In a Leipzig lift:
Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.

Seen in a Yugoslav hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

A modestly priced Tokyo hotel:
Hotel guests are requested not to steal towels from their rooms. If you are the kind of person who would do such a thing, please do not read this message.

In a barbershop in Zanzibar:
Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors.

From a Yugoslavian elevator:
Let us know about an inuficiency as well as leaking on the service. Our utmost will improve it.

From a Budapest hotel:
All rooms not denounced by twelve o'clock will be paid twicely.

From the menu of a restaurant in Vienna:
Fried milk, children sandwiches, roast cattle and boiled sheep.

On a Soviet ship in the Black Sea:
Help savering apparata in emergings behold many whistles! Associate the stringing apparata about the bosoms and meet behind. Flee then to the indifferent lifesavering shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef.

In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

A Russian airplane:
Smoking is not permitted only on the special seats which are marked in the travellers' cheques after the indicator board 'No Smoking' is out.

On a sink tap in a Finnish hotel:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

In a Belgrade hotel lift:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.

In the window of a travel agency in Barcelona:
Go away.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastry:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless married with each other or that purpose.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.

In a Bangkok bar:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner dressed as a man.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

An ad by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

Ad for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride your own ass?

In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.

In a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find that they are best in the long run.

Instructions on a Japanese air conditioner:
If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

A sign on the lion cage at a zoo in the Czech Republic:
No smoothen the lion.

A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire:
If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window.

How a sewage treatment plant was marked on a Tokyo map:
Dirty Water Punishment Place.

Room service menu, Ethiopian hotel:
Emergency snakes available at all hours.

Hotel brochure, French Alps:
The hotel also has a heated of course swimming pool. Thus, even by thunder weather, dare to give in and in case of congestion, the barmaid owning proper diplomas will help.

Seen in an American department store at Christmas:
Visit Santa's grotto. No waiting - we're the only store in New York with three Santas.

Sign in a German cafe:
Mothers, please wash your hans before eating.

Sign in a Japanese hotel:
Sports jackets may be worn but no trousers.

Sign in Swiss hotel:
Do you wish to change in Zurich? Do so at the hotel bank!

Sign in Italian hotel:
Do not adjust your light hanger. If you wish more light see manager.

Sign outside a French cafe:
Persons are requested not to occupy seats in this cafe without consuming.

Sign in Egyptian hotel:
If you require room service, please open door and shout, "Room service!"
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-27-07 11:07 AM
Response to Original message
1. more, since it didn't fit in the OP:
Temporary sign in Bangkok:
No Beer Sold On Erection Day

Guidebook in India:
Emperor Jehangir had 7,000 ladies in the harem. As he was a talented drunkard and a luxurious man, he died in 1627 at the age of 57.

On a building in Yokosaka, Japan:
Beauty Saloon

Sign outside a Turkish bath in Rome:
Be pleased to come and lie down with our masseuse. She will make you forget all your tired.

Sign in Amman, Jordan:
Visit our bargain basement - one flight up.

An Israeli professor advertised:
41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.

Newspaper in India:
For sale to kind master: Full grown tigress, goes daily walk untied, and eats flesh from hand.

A resort in Iguazu Falls, Brazil advertises:
We offer you peace and seclusion. The paths to our resort are only passable by asses. Therefore, you will certainly feel at home here.

Barcelona hotel courtyard sign:
No automobils. Pederasts only.

Hotel in Istanbul, Turkey:
Flying water in all room. You may bask in sin on our patio.

Poster in Torrelmolinos, Spain:
Tabu Discotheque with or without a date and in summer - plus open air banging-bar

Hotel in Madrid, Spain:
If you wish disinfection enacted in your presence, please cry out for the chambermaid.

Sorrento, Italy hotel:
The concierge immediately for informations. Please dont wait last minutes. Then it will be too late to arrange any inconveniences.

Hotel pool on the French Riviera:
Swimming is forbidden in the absence of a savior.

Brochure for Italian resort:
Having freshly taken over the propriety of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume. Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a French widow in every bedroom, affording delightful prospects. I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here, you shall be well fed up and agreeably drunk.

Responses to written inquiries for accomodations:

- Dear Madam: I have honorable to accept your impossible request. Unahppy it is I have not bedroom with bath. A bathroom with bed I have. I can though give you a washing, with pleasure, in a most clean spring with no one to see. I insist that you will like this.

- Dear Madam: I am amazingly diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a commodious chamber with balcony imminent to romantic gorge, and I hope you will want to drop in. A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps, so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath. I am superb in bed.
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FloridaJudy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-27-07 11:08 AM
Response to Original message
2. Item on a menu in Greece
"Fried giant beings" (I almost ordered this)
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-27-07 12:14 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. Sounds tasty! We have
Edited on Mon Aug-27-07 12:18 PM by bob_weaver
with ads and one of the ads says, "When dining out - always insist on Plates!" It's an ad for the American Ceramic Council or something.
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soleft Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-27-07 11:13 AM
Response to Original message
3. If you like these
you may enjoy
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begin_within Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-27-07 12:15 PM
Response to Reply #3
5. Thanks
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