Parents of teens, what's your "dating" rules?

[SarahB]

Mine is no "alone" dates until 16. My daughter is 15 and a sophomore in HS (16 in Feb.) and has had a several boyfriends already, but none serious. Group dates to the movies or adult supervised parties are ok with me, but not alone yet. My daughter has a friend (a boy the same age who has lived across the street for 11 years) whose parents I know well. They're the same age, but his cousin (who just turned 18 and is starting college locally next month) is interested in her, I said, "Maybe if you were a year older, it would be ok, but not now." She seemed ok with it, but I know she's also been IMing with him a little in the past few days. A far cry from dating, but still.

She was briefly seeing a couple of boys last year that were juniors when she was a freshman and that was ok. This just seems too much. I'd prefer no older than two years at this point. I just want to make sure I'm being reasonable. She's an excellent student, involved in sports, and an overall mature, responsible young woman.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

1. My mom tearfully begs me to date.

That's how desperate she is for her little weirdo to grow up. :P She's been begging me to get a boyfriend, a girlfriend, ANYTHING! since I started high school 2 years ago. If I started dating, she'd probably throw a party for me.

But all that said, I think you're being quite reasonable. No older than two years is probably a smart policy, considering how different, say, 14-year-olds and 18-year-olds, even, are.

[dubeskin]

13. Same with my mother

My mom has actually said she would pay me to date. I think she just wants me out of the house as much as possible, rather than sitting around playing computer games.

I think those are fine "limits." I have a close friend who is dating this guy who SHOULD be entering college this year, while she's entering her junior year. Personally, I think it's really ok to only date within one or two years or your age, and only if they still attend your school type.

[Lisa]

26. "if I started dating, she'd probably throw a party"

Regarding my parents -- if I invited a guy home to meet them, Dad would be steadying the "elopement ladder" up against my bedroom window as he was driving up to the house ....

[trof]

2. Ah, I remember 'the dating years'.

It was 20 years ago for our daughter, but our rules were about the same as yours.

I think she went on a few 'alone' dates at 15, but he was 15 too.
One of us parents would drive them to a movie & pick them up after.

She's been married to him for 10 years.
And everybody pretty much lived happily ever after.
;-)

[Scooter24]

3. I didn't start dating until I was 16

mostly by choice. I was so involved in school and other programs that there was no time to think about it. haha...

However, I did come out at 16, and my mom (being a pediatric surgeon) gave me a very thorough and extensive talk about safe sex, waiting until I find love, etc. I had a boyfriend at 17 but we sadly ended it when we split to go off to college.

I think dating at 14-15 is ok, but keep it simple. A movie, a trip to the mall, maybe drop them off at a theme park for the day. But I agree with you, 16 would be a good age to let them venture off alone.

[SarahB]

4. I'm an ob/gyn nurse.

We've had lots of similar talks. Sixteen is just coming up so quickly. :scared:

Plus, she's tall and lots more like 19 or 20 than 15.

[AwakeAtLast]

5. I agree with you

I think it gets interesting for girls at 16 or 17, because to date someone a year or two older means to date a full fledged adult. This makes a lot of difference legally. To me there is a big line crossed between high schoolers and college kids. Maybe it's in my head, but that is what I think as a parent and teacher.

I am not the parent of a teenager yet, but my rules would be in line with yours. Good luck!

[SarahB]

6. I said,

"People in college want to have sexual relationships. For you at 15, there's legal implications in addition to emotional ones." It's only 2&1/2 years, but those are a pretty big 2&1/2 years. I'm realistic about these things after 16 or so (age of consent in my state), but 15 just seems too young. If she's 16 and wants to date someone over 20, that would probably be an issue IMHO too, legal or not. I was 18 when I started dating her dad, who was 27 at the time, so that's another factor, but I was out of high school and on my own too.

[AwakeAtLast]

8. It sounds like you are handling it all very well

Can't wait when it's my turn! ;)

:hi:

[SarahB]

16. I'm really open.

I don't talk about intimate details details of my personal life, but I'm open in terms of answering questions and giving real information. She's been honest about certain situations and she's made very good choices. I know where my head was at at her age (heck, it was only 20 years ago that I was age), so maybe that helps.

[bedpanartist]

7. No alone dates until she's out of the house and paying her own rent

but so far, I haven't had a problem. She's much more interested in drama club and music than dating. She'll have her whole life to romance independently, but I sure as hell am not going to have a pregnant teen on my hands while she was on my watch.

I lady I worked with told me this was how her Dad handled things, and she wasn't too keen on it at the time, but that she adores him for it now.

[SarahB]

20. Often, that may not be until she's 22.

I think that may be a little unrealistic for her. If it works for your family, that's great. I did a lot of drama and music in high school and did well academically. I also had a pretty serious boyfriend at 16 and 17 involved in the same activities. I was just responsible about things.

[bedpanartist]

23. I was gone daddy gone at 18

and never looked back. She's a fantastic student, and if she is still at home during her college years (we have three universities really close to here), then yeah, she can. But not until she's of adult age. Until then, I am responsible.

I don't want her out doing the stuff we did when I was her age.

[skygazer]

9. I had it easy with my older daughter

She didn't go on her first date until her junior prom and the guy she went with was just a good friend. She was more interested in academics than boys and though she regularly went out on group dates with a bunch of friends, she never had a "real" boyfriend in high school.

My younger daughter, on the other hand was a little tramp. To give you an idea, she had the boy sitting next to her in first grade cleaning her desk for her every day. :eyes:

I had a no "alone" dates until 16 rule, too - didn't work well. I ended up with a grandchild anyway. You do what you can. :shrug:

[SarahB]

18. Mine's somewhere in between.

Excels in academics, great basketball player, but definitely attracts the boys a lot. She's very outgoing and pretty. Thankfully, she's really choosy and doesn't put up with much crap either.

[Lex]

10. When they go out as a 'group' they split up into couples alone anyway

or at least most groups of friends who were boyfriend-girlfriend did that when I was that age.

They leave your house as a group and then do what they wanted separately, then meet back up as a group later.

That was my experience anyway. Plus, the 18 years old could easily be at the movies when they all go as a 'group.' It's just hard to control after a certain point.

[SarahB]

17. Yeah, I know.

It's hard to make blanket "forbidding" statements at that age. You want them to make good decisions and arm them with information. Fortunately, she has good self-esteem and tends to be the dumper when a guy is any less than what she deserves. She doesn't put up with any shit thankfully which I have unfortunately heard about in her discussions regarding some of her friends.

[Shine]

11. STOP IT!!! I can't think that far ahead! You're freaking me out!!!

:D just kidding, of course.


ShineGirl is only 10 and so far, she views boys through a haze of amused disgust.


ShineBoy is a bit closer to the "dating" scene, he'll be 14 in November....but he seems to view girls through a haze of embarrassed awkwardness.

I know that will change, but I'm in no rush.

:rofl:

Gawd, you couldn't PAY me enough to be a teenager again!

:hi: Sounds like you've got the right idea with your dtr. Wow, "several boyfriends" already? and she's only 15. Sigh. I guess that's what I have to look forward to.

[SarahB]

14. She went mini-golfing with a boy (and his mom) in 5th grade.

I thought it was innocent enough, but I found out two years after the fact that he was her first kiss. My son is almost 12 (going into 6th) and my stepson is 12 (going into 7th). They have more of the awkward thing going on.

My daughter is in nearly all honors classes, involved in many extra-curricular activities, but she's definitely in the "popular group" and that crowd seems to date- a lot!

[BamaGirl]

31. This is the kind of thing that worries me...

My daughter is in nearly all honors classes, involved in many extra-curricular activities, but she's definitely in the "popular group" and that crowd seems to date- a lot!

This sounds like both my girls and they're young still (10 and 11) so I have time, but even at this age it seems like it's already happening. They both seem to have a love/hate relationship with boys. It's the ones they think are "cool" that worry me! We live in a small enough area they'll be in high school with these guys and it's not so long enough ago that I don't remember what they were like lol!

My oldest started middle school this year and her school actually segregates sexes. I was probably more relieved about than I should have been lol!

[Wapsie B]

12. No dates 'til she's 29.

:silly:

[SarahB]

15. Good luck with that.

:P

[Wapsie B]

19. Yeah, I already failed big time with that.

If you know what I mean. :P
Course, she's 17 too.

[MagsDem]

21. I have a boy, so it's easier

He is 15 and plays in a band, and is pretty good looking, if I do say so myself. :) So girls are all over him. They call, they text message, they take pictures when he is on stage (as if he was famous or something, and he definitely is not). So I worry some. We have had the talk about saving sex for someone you love, and wearing condoms even then. Kinda the same way we have talked about not getting in a car with someone who is drunk -- always call your mom instead, she will NOT bitch you out for something like that.

We're very close, and he professes to agree with me on all counts. And he seems sincere. Not interested in a "relationship" with a girl, and things like that. Definitely doesn't want to take a chance of getting some girl pregnant (he is very anti-abortion). So I don't worry too much. Though his current "girlfriend" is 17 and that gave me pause. I don't allow him to get in cars driven by teenagers yet, so I guess it's okay. Kids today don't call it a date though -- just hanging out -- so sometimes I don't know what to think.

My strategy is basically to know where he is at all times, and make sure there is adult supervision or they are in a public place. When he starts driving I guess I will have to come up with an alternate plan to soothe my potential to worry. Basically though I really trust his good judgement. In a lot of ways his is old beyond his years.

[laylah]

28. My mom had

5 girls and 1 boy...she always said she would have much rather raised a football team :rofl: Welcome Magsdem! :toast:

[MagsDem]

32. Thank you

Nice to be here. :) I love the lounge. What a great place and nice bunch of people (it's like, well, living in a world filled with Democrats).

[TheFriendlyAnarchist]

22. Mom told me to treat gf's w. respect and make sure Mr. Happy ALWAYS wears a raincoat.

Yep, a 14 yr old got this advise :)

That's about all I got.

[ashling]

24. Rules for dating my daughter

It has been a while since my daughters were dating (I am somewhat older than dirt} but I had a few rules for young men who came to date my daughter. Here are a few and the words of wisdom I used to impart them to the young gentlemen who showed up:

***
Rule 3: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off of their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded with you on this issue, so I propose a compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants 10 sizes to big, an I will not object. To ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during th course of the date with my daughter, however, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule 4: I'm sure that you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate. When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
***
Rule 6: I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is fine with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out on a date with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
***
Rule 9: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues related to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and 65 acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

[Lars39]

25. Tucking that one away...

:D

[BamaGirl]

30. These sound like my husband's rules lol

Except you forgot to mount an M60 on the roof. I really hope he's joking about that one lol! :P

[TroglodyteScholar]

27. I'm not a parent...

I understand that an age gap is a concern...but as a former teenage boy, I can tell you it's not much different whether he's 16 or 19--he's thinking about the same thing.

Not to be a jerk, but it's true.

[dropkickpa]

29. Dropkid's not a teen yet

But I think your rules are pretty reasonable. Mind if I steal them for later use? :rofl:

My parents didn't really have rules, but, they also never knew I was dating until I hit about, oh, 22. I did not share that part of my life with them at all, still don't really.