Please give me some insight about what to do about teenage relationships

[cally]

My 16 year old, daughter, has a long time boyfriend. I like the guy. They both see other friends, she is still dedicated to her studies, he treats her well and respectfully. They've been together for 8 months. I'm fairly freaked out to see him as her partner for life. It's not because I dislike him, I don't. They're both too young to commit.

Give me some sage advice. What should I do. I want my daughter to make her choices and experience life.

[LoZoccolo]

1. These two sentences, when put together, cause an explosion.

What should I do.

and

I want my daughter to make her choices and experience life.

I don't think there is anything happening here which should make you worry about your daughter committing to this guy for the rest of her life, is there? I don't think they can even get married in most states for another two years even if it were so. There were people all the time when I was in high school who went out together for months or even a couple years. I don't think you should muck around in something that belongs to someone else when it's your assumptions and your worry which is making you think this.

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. They've been together 8 months and you're seeing them together at 90?

Crikey.

She's 16. She's not committing to a lifetime with the guy.

Geez.

Let her manage her own love life, so long as it isn't dysfunctional.

[Reverend_Smitty]

3. Teenage girls are notoriously fickle...

and relationships will come and go if they are left to their own devices. One sure fire way to drive her into this guy's arms is to give the impression that you are meddling with their relationship. Out of all the people I knew that were dating when I was in high school, I can only think of one couple that is still together (I'm 23 btw) so it is certainly the exception and not the rule

[cloudbase]

4. You were a teenager once

and you got through it. Your daughter will, too. She seems to have her stuff together.

[wildhorses]

5. you wenf from part a to part z

how did you get there?

did miss something?

did he ask for her hand in marriage?

is she pregnant?

something is missing in this equation...

[BarenakedLady]

6. At 16

I was positive I would be with my boyfriend forEVAH! He was my first love and my first time. That lasted about 2 years. Until I realized I was 17/18 and had my whole life ahead of me. As long as she is smart and doesn't get herself into a uhmmmm....tricky situation, I wouldn't worry about forever just yet.

[seaglass]

7. I understand your worry cally, whether it's reasonable or not.

I have the same thing going on with my 17 yo daughter with the exception that I don't like him. I can't say I've handled it wonderfully. My brain knows it's unlikely that she will end up with this kid forever but just the thought of it...not good.

I can't offer you any sage advice, just understanding.

[bigwillq]

8. Don't do anything.

Since you like the kid and they seem to get along, there's not much to worry about.

A good bet is that this won't last too long...if and when it does, as long as they get along, I don't think there's much to worry about.

[trof]

9. My daughter started dating her future husband when they were both almost 16.

They made choices and experienced life.
After high school they pretty much knew they'd found life partners in each other.
Went to separate colleges, but only about an hour apart.
They began living together when they graduated from college.
They didn't get married until they were 26 and he was out of law school.
They celebrate their 10th anniversary in November.
We expect our second grandchild late this month.
It's not always a bad thing to find 'the one' early.

[cobalt1999]

10. enjoy the moment.

Odds are one day she'll be dating some asshole you hate and you'll be saying things like "what ever happened to that nice boy you used to date when you were 16?".

Nothing else you can do anyway.

[cally]

11. I needed to see others tell me what I Iknow

I still don't like him on principal, no reason, but there is nothing wrong with their relationship. Thanks for reminding me.

[bicentennial_baby]

13. Ok, now I'm confused...

In the OP, you say you don't dislike him, and now you say you do...Which is it?

[cally]

15. There is nothing that I dislike about him

other than I want my daughter to feel free to explore her goals.

[MichiganVote]

16. And a friendsip(sorry keyboard trouble) is a necessary step toward future

[Left Is Write]

12. What should you do? Nothing.

Your daughter has what sounds like a perfectly nice boyfriend whom you like.

[Karenca]

14. nada. . eom

[regnaD kciN]

17. You may hate me for saying this...

...but my only advice to you would be "make sure she's using birth control."

16-year-olds may have relationships that last for a long time, or that don't last beyond the week. If the former, you'll have years to watch it play out before they have to make a lifetime decision. If the latter, your daughter will likely move on relatively quickly.

The only long-term problem would be if a child is the result of the relationship and, depending on the scenario above, they a) feel rushed into marriage right away before they're really ready, or b) split up, leaving your daughter to cope with being a single parent at a very young age. (And, yes, I know abortion is an option -- at least the last time I checked -- but I find that more girls nowadays want to keep the baby.)

In short...make sure your daughter is "protected" physically, and trust her to be capable of protecting herself emotionally (at least unless and until it becomes clear that she is incapable of doing so, which doesn't sound like the case at this time).

[JVS]

18. Tell her to marry him or she's being a harlot

[WilliamPitt]

19. Be patient.

You may be witnessing that rare happenstance: young sweethearts who found each other early.

If not, it'll either implode, fade, stagger to an ending or otherwise wink out, as many other teen-age attachments/interests do.

Your opinion that they're too young to commit may not be correct...for them. I am heartened to see faith and fixed attention in a teen. As a former high school teacher, I know how rare that can be.

Simple answer: be there for her no matter what, and beware foisting your judgment/opinion on her too much. She's learning about love, life, and promises to keep.