I feel like SHIT.

[Writer]

This entire week has been filled wall to wall with BS errands, stuff ready-made for a fucking Orange County housewife with little direction of her own: vanity items like estimates on wood flooring and landscaping; having a woman zap my legs with a laser; and having the maid service come by to do an on-site appraisal for cleaning our house. :puke:

I feel so fucking EMPTY. This is not a LIFE. There is no purpose to this - what purpose do I have being here? I feel useless and sedentary. Just a ripened meringue ready to carry Mr. Writer's children. Nothing more.

Fuck it all.

[BarenakedLady]

1. Yeah

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I know it well + 11 years.

:hug:

[Writer]

3. Thanks.

I have ways of making it all better, but they take time.

:hug:

[Danger Mouse]

40. I was gonna say...

sounds familiar...
:hug:
welcome to Christian America. Women are best neither seen nor heard.

[Haole Girl]

2. I'm sorry you feel empty

Empty is one of the worst feelings in the world. :hug:

[Writer]

4. I think it stems from not feeling useful.

I'm very cerebral - this is not a life for me.

But thank you.

:hug:

[Haole Girl]

5. I understand

While I don't consider myself cerebral, in the least, I completely understand. :hug:
BTW, I think people who have children are useful. Just IMHO. :hug:

[Writer]

6. I have no children.

And if that's all I had, I would be miserable.

[Haole Girl]

7. Oh

I misunderstood. For some reason, I thought you might be expecting a baby...
I think I'm thinking of someone else. Sorry.

Never mind me...I'm usually clueless. :eyes:

[Writer]

10. You're fine.

Thanks very much. :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

8. You have to make your life

Nobody will do it for you. it's all out there...but you're in there. Dig?

[Writer]

9. Yeah, I totally dig, bi-baby.

I know what I want to do... but as I mentioned earlier, it takes time and commitment.

[bicentennial_baby]

12. Then set your mind to it, and in the meantime,

find some truly enjoyable diversions...Life cannot be an endless cycle of remodeling estimates and such, seriously. I'm sure you can do it :)

[Writer]

14. It's already in process...

Or... it's a work in progress, rather. (sigh) it should be done by the end of the month. Then I go down to Boulder and see if I can finally complete this damned thing!

[taterguy]

11. Your secondary purpose is to pile on me

Just a friendly reminder :)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=6494493&mesg_id=6494499

[Writer]

13. Ha! Now you remind me, in a very real way, why the fuck I flirt in here!

Let me jump on you for a while... :P

[taterguy]

15. Feel free

Knock yourself out

[Writer]

16. What - you're just going to lay there?

:shrug:

[taterguy]

17. It's my birthday week, I'm relaxing and letting others serve me :)

Besides, I don't want to get this thread nuked by posting inappropriate pics

[Writer]

19. It is your birthday week, isn't it?

Hence the need to pile on you...

there's something sort of appealing of being your Girl Friday... tell me what you want from me. ;)

[taterguy]

20. I want to know what mainstream movie sex scene . . .

You wish you had performed in

[taterguy]

21. And of couse any PMed naughty pics would be greatly appreciated

[Fran Kubelik]

18. How do you know when meringue is ripe?

:P

[Elidor]

22. I know that feeling

I'm feeling a bit empty myself right now. You've got to find something to be passionate about. I realize that doesn't make anything any easier, but I sympathize completely. I find that it helps to lay out highly detailed plans of everything I'm doing to make it better.

Be good to yourself.

[FloridaJudy]

23. Been there, done that.

In my case it was called major depression. See a doctor first, then you might try:

Get out of the friggin' house! When I'm alone in mine, it's a bad neighborhood.
Exercise.
Art. Make art. Even if it's bad art. The creative process is endlessly fascinating, and helps me get out of my head.
Contradictory, but get into your head. Meditate. Pray, if that's your thing. Join a support group.
Find someone who's worse off, and help them.
Take a course at a community college, or join a group with similar interests. Take field trips.

Get politically active. Join GreenPeace, P.E.T.A., Code Pink, Cat Lovers Against the Bomb, Carnivores for Justice, where ever your interests lie. Then when faced with the nightly news, you can say, "Well, at least I did something".

[Writer]

24. So Mr. Writer comes home...

and I'm not feeling well. I mention to him that my jeans are too loose - that they add a few lbs. to me. He says, "But those are the only jeans that fit you! The others are too tight!" The other jeans are fairly baggy, too. He basically told me that I was getting fat. I ran to the bedroom and cried and cried. He comes in and just stands over me, watching me cry. Then he hovers around me, saying nothing. I am so hurt that all I want is for him to leave. I tell him that he's never here when I need him, and when I don't want him around I can't get rid of him. He then begins to argue with me about this obscure topic ("You never told me you needed me!") as I'm sitting on the bed crying. That was the last thing I needed, so I told him to leave. It took me three forceful efforts to get him to leave the bedroom. Finally he left.

All I wanted was an arm around me and reassurance that I wasn't getting FAT. That I had some IMPORTANCE to him beyond being his stay-at-home bitch. When he didn't offer that I didn't want to look at him. I wanted him to leave because he was only making it worse by standing over me and saying nothing.

[taterguy]

26. . . .

:hug:

[LaraMN]

33. Let me guess-

once upon a time, he would have "been there" just because you were upset; now he won't even bother.
btdt.
sorry, babes.

[Redstone]

25. Get thee a puppy. Now.

Redstone

[Writer]

27. Have puppy.

We had a behaviorist come in and deal with his aggression issues last weekend. He's aggressive to me, so Mr. Writer has been putting his gentle leader on in the morning and I've been clipping on his leash and taking him wherever I go in the house so we can "bond". So I've been walking all around the house with a leash attached to a little dog looped about my wrist.

I also have a cat. He's acts like a small dog, so he's a good stand-in.

[Redstone]

29. Behaviorist? You don't NEED no esteenking behaviorist! Grab that pooch, roll him or her over onto

his or her back, and give the little bastard a sharp nip on the throat skin with your teeth.

Repeat as necessary. The dog is aggressive toward you because you have not established yourself as being above him or her in the pack hierarchy.

Redstone

[Writer]

30. That's exactly how I was handling him for a year+...

he's also aggressive toward strangers. We both roll the little shit on his back and the effects are only momentary. I've also grabbed him by the scruff of his neck when he'd go after the cat, so that's why he's now completely intolerant of my touch. He's an exceptionally smart dog and learns the game very quickly.

On edit: I am an assertive woman. It sets the guys off, sometimes, even the canine form. :P

[Redstone]

31. One reason that I've only ever had female dogs...they don't give a damn if you're assertive,

wimpy, or even just generally defective like me; they're just happy that you're around them.

Hey, HUMAN women are more tolerant of other people's foibles than men are as well, aren't they? I think I might be on to something here.

Redstone

[Writer]

32. You know, you just might be.

Sounds like an interesting ecological study. :P

[Zookeeper]

35. Ya know, Redstone, I think that is true for dogs....

but, when it comes to cats, females are so much more aloof than males. I've only had females cats for years until recently, because I was afraid a male would spray even if he was neutered. We now have a big boy rescue cat who was *passionately* rubbing up against my shins this morning and even did a kitty version of a lion's roar! I've never had a female cat do that.

Could this gender difference depend on species, perhaps?

[Redstone]

41. Maybeso in general with cats, but my son's cats have been in line with my theory. The male was a

crabby son of a bitch, but the the new (female) kitten cries if she's away from people for too long. However, I do believe that I've heard what you said about cats to be the case from other people, so yours are likely more typical.

Redstone

[XemaSab]

28. I think everyone feels like that sometimes

and on the bright side, all these tasks will only have to be completed once. :D

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

34. Well, you can do what I did:

Work in the music business for a bunch of sociopaths, snort lots of cocaine, drink lots of vodka and have cheap and meaningless sex.

But that didn't really work out either. :shrug:

Follow your bliss.

[BlueIris]

36. Some advice?

Ditch Mr. Writer. Sounds like he's not worth it, and destroying your self-esteem. You deserve to be happy. If you can't do it with him, move on.

[Zookeeper]

37. I don't know if this will help....

but why don't you try doing your own landscaping or putting in your own flooring? I've learned (mostly through the internet) how to lay tile, refinish floors, trim trees, repair plumbing, replace light switches, rewire lamps, landscape, etc., etc. (etc.!). It's great exercise...makes you stronger and more independent.

My two "real" jobs are being an artist and a mother. But, doing these other very practical things can give you a real sense of accomplishment/immediate gratification. At least until you are doing whatever else it is you want to do.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

38. I'm sorry that you feel that way.

:hug:

I'm not sure that anyone has any purpose in being here, but we're here whether there is a purpose or not. And I appreciate you here.

[Guava Jelly]

39. I am sorry writer

Would it help if i told you how beautiful you are?
:hug:

[amitten]

42. I think you should get a divorce and strike out on your own.

You're always so unhappy with the status quo. Change it! You can be fully independent any time you choose.