Cracked.com's notes on the first draft of Spider-Man 3

[Crap_in_a_Hat]

Sam, we love the script! Looks like Spidey's back in full force for another guaranteed blockbuster!
However, there are a few wrinkles we'd like to to work out before shooting starts (very small!):
P.12 –
For some reason, every instance of the word “Spider-Man” in the script seems to have been replaced with “Doctor Rocksome,” who appears to battle evil with “laser guns and hate.” Marvel's willing to change Spider-Man's name and methods to coincide with the movie if they have to, but it might be a little too confusing for the viewers.
P.14 –
Peter's offer to buy Mary Jane an engagement ring "with rape dollars" is highly inappropriate for the character. Where'd you even get that idea?
P.26 –
In the comics, Aunt May's constant poverty is generally assumed to be because of the reduced income common to the elderly, not, as you have shown here, a heroin habit. Consider revising?
P.34 –
Sandman threatening to give Spider-Man “two lips, like roses and clover” suggests that you might have confused him with a popular song of the same name. Maybe “black eye” or “broken arm” would be a little more appropriate?
P.47 –
Spider-Man generally travels by web-slinging, not on a motorcycle with a sass-talking monkey in the sidecar.
P.59 –
While it is true that Kirsten will say anything we care to write down, a scene where Mary Jane turns to the camera and says “I, Kirsten Dunst, legally agree to have sex at least three times with Hollywood actor Ted Raimi” really doesn't fit with the rest of the plot.
P.71 –
If the symbiote comes from space (like it says back on p.21), why do you have Peter buying it at an “Evil Costume Shop” from a “wise old Oriental?”
P.88 –
Nice job with the black costume stuff! You really nailed how it reflects a darker side of Peter's personality. However, while the merchandising opportunities would be great, we really think adding costumes that bring out Spidey's love of scrapbooking, bowling ability, or latent homosexuality stretches the metaphor a little thin.
P.113 –
Venom is not “covered in dicks.”
P.125 –
In your previous movies, Spider-Man was never shown with the ability to stop time by making the “time out” symbol so that he could talk his problems out with the audience.
P.137 –
It's customary for Spider-Man stories to have a sad ending, but scripting out twenty-eight minutes of Peter silently crying seems a little extreme.
Get these things straightened out, and we'll be happy to give it the green light.

[eyepaddle]

1. Nice catch!

:)

P. 137, I don't know. I think they should leave it stand--it'll give a blockbuster popcorn movie that art-house appeal!