How do you react when someone says the most hurtful thing possible to you (and they know it)

[rockymountaindem]

... someone who you consider a friend, or at least a friendly aquaintance, with whom you have discussed a particular insecurity which is at the base of the relevant statement.

Should I hit him back with everything I can and call him a shallow, bird-faced dickweed (he *won't* like that), or should I let it slide and pretend nothing happened?

Or should I go over to his house and tell him to come out and fight me? I'm so mad right now I think I'd be impervious to pain.

[NMDemDist2]

1. I take away the button

but remember not to trust that person again

by 'take away the button' I mean I work on myself to overcome that soft spot

:hug:

[rockymountaindem]

2. It can't be overcome n/t

[NMDemDist2]

7. ANYTHING can be overcome

you need to change your reactions to the situation

[Deep13]

21. I wish that were true.

but it ain't.

[XemaSab]

3. 1) Steal his keys.

2) Throw them in the sewage ponds.

3) Bide your time and kick him in the nuts when he's down.

:D

[fizzgig]

4. is this someone you have to interact with?

i'd definitely call him on it, but i don't know the best way to do it

[rockymountaindem]

6. Not for very much longer

We're both graduating and I don't see him very much anymore, but we used to be somewhat close and I'm very close with his girlfriend.

I always kinda thought he was a prick though. This proves it.

[fizzgig]

8. hmmmm

tell him he's a little peckerwood and can go stuff it

[InvisibleTouch]

5. Hit him back with everything you can.

He'll think twice about flinging verbal poison-darts at you again.

Pretend nothing happened, and you'll get more of the same in the future.

[rockymountaindem]

13. Except the one thing I think I can hit him back with could easliy be turned against me

plus it would piss off another good friend of mine who will side with him. I think I'll just make it clear to everybody I never want to see this dude again.

[Maddy McCall]

9. Tell the mofo off and never talk to him again.

If someone hits you with your weakness, he never was a friend.

[Wapsie B]

10. Whatever you do do not let it slide.

I'm not saying go after him with a tire-iron but turning the other cheek enough times in life will cause damage to one's psyche. They'll see themselves as someone who can be a doormat to others, and guess what, others like this so-called friend will love to take advantage of that. I speak from experience.

[crispini]

28. Turning the other cheek does NOT cause damage to your psyche.

There is a difference between allowing yourself to be a doormat and turning the other cheek.

Doormat: "Oh, okay, I guess I'll just let myself be abused again because I am needy / desperate / other."

Turning the other cheek: "You are human, and I understand that humans are not perfect, and I accept that you are not perfect and forgive you because I don't want to carry around anger and hurt... but I will be wary of you, and of extending my trust to you again."

[JVS]

11. I try my best not to let people get that close.

In fact, I have a couple people who are getting too close to me, whom I'd like to drift away from.

[bridgit]

12. i don't trust out-right people that play with, ask for, or divulge volumes of personal data...

not that you did "divulge volumes of persoanl data", your case would seem to fall within the first two, and if that is the case i'd mention it oh yes

[rockymountaindem]

14. It's fairly obvious

You'd have a pretty good idea what this is about if you knew me in "real life". To provide an example, and no this isn't what it's about per se, but it's similar, you don't get into an argument with someone who's 100 pounds overweight over some ordinary issue and then start calling them "fatass" halfway through. As in:

"I like the green car"
"I like the blue one"
"Well, I still like the green one"
"Shut up you green-loving walrus"

It's kind of like that.

[bridgit]

15. no fucking way *that's* bullshit!!

cut them out of your template, set toss or throw them off to the side such people are certainly less than your friends, or even friendly acquaintences...

that doesn't play imo here's to'ya :hug:

[Random_Australian]

16. Personally, I don't care. I don't say this lightly, I've just recently had someone

screaming at me that I was a rotten bastard and should fucking die, or something to that effect, and it didn't phase me in the least.

I know other people can't do that. I think you should first get clear on how much they thought it would hurt you - you'd be astounded by how some people completely miss the mark. Then you can see how much they did or didn't care. Then you go from there:

If they completely don't care that they hurt others: Look at them with contempt and say something along the lines of "So, really, really don't care for anyone but yourself. Very well, I will leave you to yourself. Enjoy."

(That is very rare)

If they made a stupid mistake, and regret it, tell them they owe you a bar of chocolate or something. Nothing flash, just a token that they screwed up. Or something else, this kind of situation happens pretty often. This changes a LOT from person to person, depending on what is standard.

Finally, if he doesn't fit into either of those, as in, doesn't realise the damage he's done, find something equivalent. Or cease all contact with him.

My $0.05

[leftofthedial]

17. kick him in the nuts

[MissMillie]

18. Walk away

and don't look back.

Trying to get revenge, be it emotional or physical, makes you as small as s/he is.

Maybe I'd say something like "only a very small person would make a comment like that to me just to purposefully hurt me." But that would be it.

Then I would try to keep reminding myself that s/he was indeed a small person, and that I shouldn't let someone that small have that kind of power over me.

[patricia92243]

22. Good advise. n/t

[Connonym]

26. Agree, walk away

don't give this person the satisfaction of letting them know how much it gets you. If you need to talk it out do so with someone else (or even here). Don't confront this asshole.

[kwassa]

19. I think they are no longer a friend.

The honest thing is to let him know that he hurt you with that statement. How he deals with that is up to him. What trust there has been in this relationship is badly damaged, since he has proven untrustworthy with a confidence.

[Deep13]

20. I say, "I'm not going to take your shit anymore, Mom."

[bullwinkle428]

34. I always wondered if I had a long-lost brother...

[grace0418]

23. Don't take revenge, but do call him on it. Wait until you've cooled off a little

even if that means ignoring him when you see him (if you must see him and you haven't cooled off yet). That should actually send a message as well. Just don't fly off the handle and do something you'll regret. It's fun to indulge revenge fantasies but they rarely end well when acted upon.

If he actually asks you what's wrong (doubtful, he sounds like too much of an ass, and is probably aware of what he did considering he purposely called you something that he knew would really hurt you) and you are feeling calm, then tell him in no uncertain terms. Don't insult him back, just say something like "Well, since you asked, I've decided you can't be trusted with any personal information about me because you use it as a weapon. And the best way to keep my personal information out of your hands is simply to avoid you." If he apologizes and seems sincere, then maybe you can talk, but I would still never trust him with any secrets about you ever again.

If he never asks you what's wrong, you get to pick the time to confront him. Don't back him into a corner or anything, just say "Hey can I talk to you? I really didn't appreciate the way you spoke to me the other day. If I tell someone information about myself, it is because I am trying to establish a trusting friendship. To use that information to insult me is way beyond the pale. You won't get another chance to find out anything you can use against me, and I hope you think about that before you do it to someone else. "

Good luck rmd, I'm sorry you had to have something like that happen. :hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. well do they have an achilles heal you can hurt?

because very honestly thats what i would do.

[LaraMN]

25. I would cut them off.

No friend of mine would hit that low, and responding in kind would reduce me to a level I don't care to dwell within.

[ThomCat]

27. Don't let him see you get upset,

but distance yourself from him. He's not your friend. :(

[Rising Phoenix]

29. be the bigger person

in the long run you'll be glad you did...but if he was that hurtful, I'd write him out of your life....things suck enough without out having thoughtless people around you.

[skygazer]

30. First, I stop considering them a friend

Second, I drop them like a hot rock. I don't do any of the things you mention. I simply drop them. No one needs that crap.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

31. Do not dignify his remark with a response.

Stop all interaction with him. He has shown his true colors. Don't lash out to hurt him, two wrongs do not make a right. :) This too shall pass and it probably won't be the only time in your life when it happens.......

[rockymountaindem]

32. Thanks for the replies everybody

Having slept on it, I think I'll just ignore the guy from now on. If I *do* see him again, though, I'm going to let him have it (verbally).

[Hard_Work]

33. Do what I do

pee on 'em.