Would you marry someone who loves you but isn't "in love" with you?

[Redbear]

Poll question: Would you marry someone who loves you but isn't "in love" with you?

How important is romantic love?

[skygazer]

1. I'll take option 4

I wouldn't marry someone either way.

[NightWatcher]

20. I agree completely, option 4 for me too

been there, done that, lost half my shit.

[bigwillq]

2. No

[Guava Jelly]

I think many would...Hell a year and a half ago I would of..

But now i am in a better place and the answer is Hell NO!

[Missy Vixen]

3. Of course, IMHO, but a loveless marriage is an "arrangement"

It may work, but it's risky enough under normal circumstances. Why make it even riskier?

Julie

[crim son]

4. I did, and won't do it again. n/t

[Maddy McCall]

5. What does that mean, anyway? I always hear...

silly little college girls talk about stuff like that. "I love him, but i'm not 'in love' with him."

WTF? Either you love him or you don't.

It sounds like they've been watching too many lifetime movies.

:shrug:

[Pierre.Suave]

9. Not lifetime

too much MTV reality shows

[Maddy McCall]

14. A co-worker said it to me once.

About her boyfriend. She was 40.

She's definitely a Lifetime addict.

But yeah, I guess with the "me generation," it's an MTV thing.

[Left Is Write]

11. I think it's said by people who expect "love" to be a never-ending

ride of passion and electricity. When the first throes of passion and lust subside, they think the "love" is gone, not realizing that it exists on a deeper level and high intensity passion cannot be maintained indefinitely.

[Maddy McCall]

13. Beautifully said.

:thumbsup:

[GOPisEvil]

18. Well said!

:applause:

[GirlinContempt]

27. I love my friend Jay.

I'm not in love with him. He's my friend.
I love my Dad.
I love my Uncle.
I love my cousin.
There are other kinds of love. 'in love' with = romantic love, in my experience.

[MonkeyFunk]

32. exactly

Being "in love" is a stage, usually more properly called "in lust". But that goes away, and then there's just loving each other.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. isnt that someones way of telling you they arent attracted to you and they dont find you exciting?

so NO.

[Radical Activist]

31. As far as I know, yes.

I don't think anyone should ever use the phrase "I love you but I'm not in love with you" past the 10th grade.

[xchrom]

7. their fat wallet will cover a lot of ground in that case.

[LeftyMom]

8. No. What that means is "I love you like a sister" and I already have a sibling.

Relationship-wise, I'd never settle for that. Nor do I have any interest in making a legal commitment to relationship permanence, but that's my own personal bias and I wouldn't look down on anybody else for feeling differently.

As a practical matter, "love but not in love" usually means two friends who are scared or lonely to go look for who they really need when they have something safe enough. I've never really seen it end well.

[Deja Q]

10. What is "in love" - sexual chemistry (aka 'hormones')?

Surely the emotion of love ought to transcend fleeting hormonal response?

[skygazer]

12. Okay, serious answer here

One of the strongest marriages I know is between two people who are not "in love" with each other. My friend and his wife have been married going on 8 years - they have two kids and a very nice relationship.

My friend wanted badly to be a father and had never found someone he loved deeply to partner with - his wife wanted children and a secure future and had not found it anywhere. They met, discovered they had mutual goals and decided to make it work. And it has.

They appreciate and respect each other and have a great affection for each other. I would not say either is in love with the other but I suspect over time, that may happen. Or it may not. Both are happy in the relationship and they get great joy from their children.

The thing is, while I think love is wonderful and important to a point, a relationship can not be forged only on that basis. There has to be shared goals, ideals and interests that will bind a couple together beyond the initial attractions. Most successful long-term couples that I know tell me their love has grown over the time they've been together. That tells me that if people like my friend and his wife are clear and honest with each other, the possibility of love after marriage is there.

There have been plenty of successful arranged marriages throughout history. I sometimes think people put too much emphasis on romantic love or mistake sexual excitement for love. Then they're disappointed when it fades and they find there's nothing else to hold them together.

[leftofthedial]

15. love?

overrated

marry for money or sex

[Deja Q]

23. For money? How far will that prenup get ya? As for sex, one would get further...

herpes, syphilis, aids, gonorrhea, bankruptcy... oh dear, either way, money kills the mood. If not the crabs.

[undeterred]

16. I know two people who got married because one needed health insurance

They were already living together and loved each other but one of them never would have married again if he didn't desperately need the insurance. Its been over a year, and they're still married and living together, and he still needs the insurance. Who can say?

Weirdly, only straight people would be allowed to do this.

[LeftyMom]

24. I know a couple who were together 18 years before getting married

And they only did it then because they were getting hosed on taxes filing separately. It was weird, they'd already raised her two kids together, been together almost two decades, through health problems and unexpectedly early grandparenthood, and all the sudden, *poof* their relationship had legitimacy. Funny what a piece of paper can do.

On the other hand, it was a decent excuse for a party. I made their cake. :)

[Orsino]

17. I seriously doubt it.

I'm completely spoiled, and I have no intention of marrying anyone else.

[Redstone]

19. Wha? What's the difference? Why are you asking?

Mrs R says there's a difference, but I can't understand what she's saying because, well, because I'm kinda dim.

But you knew that.

Redstone

[Madrone]

21. Depends on the M-O-N-E-Y!!

:headbang:


Heck YEAH! Ain't it that way for everyone???



:D

[GOPisEvil]

25. You're in trouble, babe...

;)

[Madrone]

26. Well then, I'll just keep the rich one around as a boyfriend.

:headbang: Best of BOTH worlds, baby!

Unless you want for us to move to Utah? ;)

[GOPisEvil]

29. Utah?!?!

HELL no. :P

I like when men give you money. ;)

[Shine]

22. Absolutely NOT!

romantic love is extremely important to me. I'm lucky to still have it, 15 yrs later....yes, it changes over the years, but we're still IN LOVE.

:loveya:

[mentalsolstice]

28. How about "other"?

Sometimes I just don't know about the whole "in love" thing. "In love" is a state of being, while romance is one relationship component that occurs periodically (sometimes frequently, sometimes not)...and yes, I think romance is an important component to a relationship. However, I used to work with DV victims. I frequently heard "...but I'm in love with him/her" from both parties. The problem was one of power and lack of respect.

Anyway, ongoing friendship and warm companionship, with some romance thrown in are the most important mainstays of a relationship for me.

[Redbear]

30. I knew I would get great answers from you guys.

From several different points of view.

One of the special qualities of this place.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

33. Honestly, if they were my friend...

Possibly.
IF they weren't, then I'd check to see how much money they had.
Just being honest.
Duckie

[Breeze54]

34. How much money?

:sarcasm:



Did they say they weren't in love with you? :shrug:

Lots of people have gotten married, in the past, without being in love and it lasted.
Of course, divorce wasn't an option back then either; so they worked through the BS.

I guess it depends on the circumstances and who the players are...

[lost-in-nj]

35. NO!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

I have been married 30 years and got this speech.....

DO NOT DO IT.....



lost

[BreweryYardRat]

36. Tits on a stick, no!

Jesus, I've got enough issues as it is.

[Control-Z]

37. At t this point in time

it would take a shit load of money for me to consider another marriage. And I mean a shit load!!

[SeattleGirl]

38. Nope.

It would be like settling, all over again.