If you lived with someone before marriage, which was better, marriage or living together?

[yurbud]

Poll question: If you lived with someone before marriage, which was better, marriage or living together?

I'll make a sexist distinction for demographic purposes.

I think this will work as is for gays too since my hunch is this is a matter of perception.

[NewWaveChick1981]

1. I lived with my husband before we got married.

We "lived in sin" for two years before we got married. Actually, we lived together, then he went back to school and lived with his aunt about an hour away from where I was. Then we didn't live together again until we got married. Looking back on everything, living together was definitely better. :) He wasn't quite as much of a slob then, and all of our finances were separate. I didn't feel tied down like I do now.

[yurbud]

3. I have a feeling people are on better behavior unmarried. Guys would be less slovenly and

women would put out more--and not get that drill sargeant haircut middle aged women always get.

[NewWaveChick1981]

4. That's probably true...

And NO, I'm NEVER gonna have that drill sergeant haircut!!! :rofl: It reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite's grandma. :rofl: I think some middle-aged women get that goofy haircut because it's easier to take care of, but fuck that. I like my hair and I'm keeping it, thank you very much....:P

[yurbud]

5. that haircut doesn't even look good on Lyle Lovett

[NewWaveChick1981]

6. ROFL!

:rofl: :hi: There's a woman who works at the college I do, and I swear, she's got a crew cut. She's in her late 50s, has about twelve grandkids, and she's really nice....but I just have this vision of her using my dog clippers to shave her head. :P :yoiks:

[yurbud]

7. some of my friends give me crap because I date Asian chicks (and others) but I tell them I'm afraid

a white chick will (intentionally) look like John Madden or Mike Ditka when they get older.

[yurbud]

8. except Janet Leigh and Donna Reed

[taterguy]

2. I dig marriage

It wasn't really something I sought out but once I met the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with I went ahead and did it.

It does have practical benefits, mostly regarding health and insurance issues. I didn't think the ceremony would change how I felt about our relationship but it did, in difficult to define ways

[MedleyMisty]

9. We lived together before we got married

There was no difference.

There was also no difference in how other people viewed our relationship. My mother, bless her, is not authoritarian at all and didn't really give a damn if we had a piece of paper or not.

I think it does matter to my husband's father. But we've been married four and a half years and he hasn't told his father, so his father thinks we're still living together.

I don't really forget we're married. But not in any sort of oh, it's okay for us to be together or whatever way you meant that. It's more that I don't forget that he's part of my soul, and he has been since our first date.

So I just didn't answer.

[trof]

10. I need "Other".

OK, now that my brain is addled with strong drink, true confessions.
Miz t. and I cohabited for a while before I even PROPOSED to her.
This was way back in 1968, kids.

Dirty, drug addled, 'free love', godless, HIPPIES might have done that, but nice, decent, godly (sorta), 'proper', middle class 20-somethings DIDN'T.
Especially not in the deep south.

Except we did.
In the beginning I just thought she was a hot chick, and HEY!...who wouldn't?
YEAH, BABY!
:evilgrin:

I was an orphan by then, and we lived in a city hundreds of miles away from her parents.

The how and why is a bit complicated, but let us just say it was not an entirely platonic relationship.
Oh, man.

Once when I was there alone and answered the phone, it was her mom.
Whom I had never met and she didn't know about me yet.
OH SHIT!
Full Panic Mode.
"Who IS this?"
"trof, who's this?"
"This is Suzie's mom. Is this her apartment? Do I have the right number. Who are you?"
hamma hamma hammma
"Uh...I'm a friend of hers. She's out of town. (true) I just came in to get her mail for her."
lame
She bought it.
I think.

Anyway, back to your question:
Yes, it was different then.
The illicitness of our very unconventional situation lent a certain 'spice'(?) to the relationship.
Wow. I'm LIVING with a girl I'm not married to.
Somehow kind of dangerous.
And COOL.

Not just the sex, but the other intimate things.
Talking through the toothpaste while you both brushed.
And conversations about what we wanted for dinner when one of us could actually COOK (she, not me) and we weren't talking about which fast food carry-out it would be that night.

She says that she knew she wanted to marry me from the get-go.
It took me a few months.
I was 27, and (I thought) a confirmed bachelor.
The longer I lived with her, the more I tried to come up with reasons not to ask her to marry me.
Eventually, none of the reasons made any sense at all.

We married in April of 1969.
In two months we celebrate 38 years of being together.

And for the rest of the question, yes it's different after marriage.
At least for us.
Much of the urgency and passion is gone.
God, this sounds SO dorky.
Whatever.
It's been replaced by a closeness and friendship and intimacy that's just hard to imagine if you haven't been lucky enough to experience it.

Ya know, I REALLY shouldn't be drinking when I post about stuff like this.
;-)

[trof]

11. postscript: Marriage is better.

[trof]

13. I dunno. You lay your ass out there. Tell it all.

And nobody says "neat", or "nice" or "thanks" or "eff off" or a damn thing.
Buncha damn philistines.
No, I'll be OK.
bastids

[CaliforniaPeggy]

16. My dear trof........

I just wanted to say....Good for you, laying it all out like this!

And yes, you should post this sort of thing when you've had a drink or two or three, or however many you've had!

My husband and I didn't live together before marriage......

But he was living alone in a rented house, and believe me, we took advantage of that every chance we got!

I was living in a dorm at college.....

We got married in June, 1965........42 years this year.....

The day we got married, I realized with overwhelming joy that I would never have to go away from him again.....

That we belonged together, and we would live together forever.......

:toast:

[Redstone]

12. Only difference: Mrs R wasn't Mrs R before, and has been since. The wedding, that is.

Redstone

[Xipe Totec]

14. Marriage didn't change a thing

Kids, on the other hand, changed everything.

I was no longer the center of my spouse's universe.

That took a lot of getting used to.


Still working on it....

[Broken_Hero]

15. I voted..

MEN: there is no difference except how other people see our relationship


I felt no different at all...:D