surviving heartbreak - from your own kid

[MissMillie]

So this week I move out and leave my son behind. He's become someone I don't even recognize anymore: thoughtless, inconsiderate, even mean.

Many times in relationships w/ men, I thought my heart was breaking (and it was for sure), but this is just excrutiating.

Somewhere I know that what I have taught him (about the way to treat people you love) will come back, but right now, I just hurt.

Not only that, I'm worried. If he keeps treating people this way, they'll all leave him. That may be the lesson he needs to learn, but I hate that he has to learn it this way. I'm really worried about him.

How can I keep my distance? How can I not keep my distance?

How do you "break up" with someone you intend to keep on loving? How do you "break up" with someone you want to keep in your life?

[SeattleGirl]

1. First thing, MissMillie, is you have to realize that your son's

actions are NOT YOUR FAULT. Period. It sounds to me like you were a good parent (and still are), and did your best to teach your son to be a responsible person. He is old enough now that the ball is in HIS court. He is making his own choices, and while I know that it hurts you to see what he's doing, his choices are HIS responsibility. You've done your job. His choices are not your responsibility, not your fault.

The most important thing you can do is start building your own life. You've taken the first step, in getting your own place. Now build your life. That doesn't mean you turn your back on your son; I am not, nor would I ever, suggest that. But you have to let your son live his life, and also live the consequences, good or bad, that come about from his actions.

I know it's hard, but again, he is old enough to make his own choices. I wish him the best, and hope that he comes to his senses soon.

And I wish the best for you, too. You are a wonderful woman. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[lildreamer316]

2. Boy. It's sure a week for this crap, isn't it?

Those are exactly the same questions I've been asking myself.
I'm sorry that I don't have many answers. I hope that you can find some peace somehow.
Yes; he probably does need to learn this lesson; and most of us seem to choose the hard way to learn it. It sucks ass; but you don't really "get" something until it makes a big, big impact on you.

Try to focus on two things: what is good about him/what you love that is still apparent; and also your own life and activities. Enjoy your freedom!


:hug:

[Arugula Latte]

3. I thought of something -- have you written him a letter?

Sometimes it's easier and better to put thoughts on paper, edit them, make them clear and straightforward. Maybe if he clearly sees how you feel will help him understand what he has done.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I can't imagine how hard that must be. :hug:

[MissMillie]

4. I have.

I haven't given it to him yet. I thought I would put in in the mail on moving day.