The Dean week - in a nutshell (warning - quasi-humor ahead)

[DancingBear]

For immediate release:


Today Howard Dean, the only true Democrat running for President, departed from his farm state home, Bible in hand, to begin a day of campaigning. “Campaigning is quite a Job”, said Dean, putting to rest concerns about his Biblical literacy. Press people immediately issued a statement pointing out the context in which “Job” was used, thus proving once again that Dean did not misspeak.

Efforts to reach God for His comments were unsuccessful.

[Brian_Expat]

1. Wesley Clark commented. . .

"Here from my K-street lobbying firm, I was stunned when I heard Howard Dean make a gaffe like the Book of Job one. I mean, it almost made me screw up my Axciom lobbying effort to sell a new, improved identity tracking system to John Ashcroft and Tom Ridge."

Continuing, the general said "Let's get this straight. This campaign is about faith, family values and patriotism. The new patriotism which is really the classical patriotism. But also faith. Lots of faith. You see, I have faith and I want you to have faith. In me. I'm a general. And a Democrat. Really!"

When asked about why he refused service in a Dean White House (or any other Democrat's White House), Clark said "What, you think I'm a Democr-- ehrm, I mean, it's all about me, baby! I am the only hope for America. Faith and family values are the only winners, as my friend and soon-to-be competitor Dubya would say."

While God refused to comment, Archangel Gabriel reported "extensive sighing and rolling of eyes." :evilgrin:

[DancingBear]

2. Keep practicing

You'll get the hang of this humor thing before you know it. :)

[Brian_Expat]

3. Upon reading DancingBear's comment, General Clark said. . .

"Who said anything about humor? This campaign is about three things -- faith, family values and the new, erhm, old, ehrm, classical, uhhh. . . God damn it. . . the GOOD patriotism. Oh yeah, and foreign affairs. That's it. No humor here, nope!" :evilgrin:

[DancingBear]

9. Sorry - gotta run

The dullness is rubbing off...

BTW - it is not considered nice to refer to other posters by name in a reply.

edit: but I'll let it slide this once. :)

[Brian_Expat]

10. Oh c'mon, where's your sense of humor?

If you're going to yuk it up a little, you shouldn't get all prickly when others join in. I love having fun, don't you? :)

[DancingBear]

11. I'll be back

Dan the Newfie wants to go out - he rules the house! :)

[Brian_Expat]

12. Steer clear of that screech -- it burns away the brain!

That Newfie screech liquor is damn strong. The voice of experience talking here, too. :crazy:

[TeacherCreature]

19. You left out one thing

Clark: "Uniforms, it's all about uniforms.... except when it is about nuddie pictures of me on DU"

[JNelson6563]

4. it was easily as funny as yours

maybe moreso. Sometimes the best humor is a little fact mixed with the fiction. ;-)

Julie

[DancingBear]

6. Too cute by half n/t

[TeacherCreature]

17. OH Here is the humor!

I wonder if the would change his mind if Dubya called and offered him Unca Dick's job?

[drfemoe]

30. Especially

since he holds grudges and bases his party loyalty on same.

Indeed, Clark's delayed entrance into the Democratic Party might be traceable to his abrupt and callous dismissal at the hands of William Cohen, Clinton's Secretary of Defense, and Clinton's failure to back a successful General who had won him a war, and, in retrospect, one of Clinton's most important foreign policy legacies.http://www.clarkmyths.com/myth10.html (pro Clark site)

If he doesn't get the Dem nod will he show Us and go back to the Rs?

Don't even get me started on "won him a war". He lost that one, btw. ** sorry no humor here **

[Name removed]

37. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[drfemoe]

39. Two out of three

of the thugs he went after are "in hiding".

B* beats that record. He got 50% .. Clark 33%.

[drfemoe]

40. Do you have a source for that quote

in your sig line? I would love to have it if you don't mind passing it along.

All Patriot No Act "If George W. Bush is qualified to be president of the United States, then any of the Democratic candidates are more qualified."-Wes Clark

[funky_bug]

36. The comfort of knowning...

Unlike other candidates, the only Clark statements you can bash are the ones you create in your head. I'm quite proud of the fact that as of yet (and I'm sure many are biting their tongues) Clark has not completely mispoke, played flippity flop, or made an outrageous tard of himself.

Your creative writing could use a little help though.

[Raya]

5. Funny the Dean thinks the Soviet Union still exists, and "Job" in New Test

It is also tragic for the Dem party to be in angst over a
"front-runner" like this.

[chimpymustgo]

7. Ouch!

But it's all a plot by KKKarl Rove, you know.

[Brian_Expat]

8. Commenting incisively, Wesley Clark noted. . .

"Howard Dean might talk about the Soviet Union, but does he have the experience fighting them that I had for a majority of my life in NATO? Hell no. You know something? The vast majority of my foreign policy experience was fighting in NATO against the Warsaw Pact -- nobody is more prepared to stop the Soviet threat than me! Nobody knows more about Commie Party politics!"

When asked about Dean's slip-ups over religion, Clark said:

"I think it's sad that Dean has to bring religion into this election. I am for faith. Faith in me. I am GOD! Worship me you pathetic Dean lovers! COWER IN MY SHADOW!!!"

After a sputtered coughing fit, Clark looked a bit red in the face.

Joe Lieberman had no comment -- sources said he was still recovering from a coronary over Wes Clark's comments. :evilgrin:

Hey Dancing Bear, this is fun! Thanks for starting the thread! Great way to have a little fun and let out a little steam. :)

[Name removed]

13. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[DancingBear]

14. What you said

:)

[Brian_Expat]

15. Goodness, for people calling for "humor". . .

. . . you sure are a humorless lot. Remember, "anger doesn't win elections." ;)

[TeacherCreature]

20. we should be concerned?

You think we should be concerned with mistaking a book in the bible?

Now that is funny.

[funky_bug]

38. Dean lie

Am I mistaken, or did HD begin his statement by saying he knew the bible? Since he obviously didn't, would that be another Dean lie?

This is a man who is going to prance around the South claiming he knows a thing or two about religion, and in the name of the Democratic party, expect these bible thumpers NOT to notice that he pulled Job out of his ass.

He's pandering or he's lying. Which is it?

[TeacherCreature]

16. Quasi is correct

was there humor here?

[Toucano]

18. Both are funny.

I'm amused by both the Dean and Clark entries on this thread. :)

Thanks.

[DuctapeFatwa]

21. Dean opponent Rev. Al Sharpton moved quickly to challenge Dean

to a "Bible Drill." According to unnamed sources at the Institute of Rural Protestant Studies, a Bible Drill is a no-holds-barred competition involving chapters and verses being shouted at the contestants, who must shout back the actual text of the verse within .03 nanoseconds.

While Sharpton critics were outraged, "You don't see Dean asking Al to take out an appendix," several Dean supporters chorused, prompting Sharpton to remind the assembled press that he "hadn't said he knew anything about stomachs, either, except how to fill one up," upon which the portly clergyman candidate made a beeline for the Dennis Kucinich press conference, apparently in response to rumors that the Ohio congressman was once again treating everyone to his trademark "Croatian Tofu Pirogies," which Kunich has consistently insisted "do too taste just like chicken," despite some very eloquent statements from John Kerry that "they do not either, but I want to say here and now to the American people that if John Kerry is elected, they will."

[Brian_Expat]

28. Hahahaha, that's great

Good to see people still have a sense of humor. :)

[salin]

31. LOL

That even tops the first ones. Call me crazy but they all make me chuckle.

[DancingBear]

33. Nothing "quasi" about this one

That is funny!

[DuctapeFatwa]

35. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week

:hi:

[A-Schwarzenegger]

22. What does "quasi" mean?

[moz4prez]

23. near, kind of

implies ambiguity

[A-Schwarzenegger]

25. Is near-humor like near-beer?

Near-burp.

[moz4prez]

26. sort of

but the near-beer makes you feel funnier.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

27. It's not how funny you feel, it's how funny you look.

Near-laugh.

[salin]

32. just pretend that it is the new cool weapon

in your T4 movie... terminator does sacramento. Because that will bring about a whole lot of quasi-humor.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

34. OK, but what do you call it

when you kind of celebrate the African-American
holidays around Christmas time in kind of one
of those huts they had around WWII?

[maxr4clark]

24. I may be wrong...

but I think this thread is exactly the kind of thing the DU was trying to cut down on. Is there a place to report such threads?

Folks, none of your humor reflects well on the candidate you support.

[eileen_d]

29. I thought quasi-humor was still funny.

Guess not.

[drfemoe]

41. some of it was hysterical

n/t