I Thought I Was Inspired.... I Was, But Not In The Same Way I Thought

[SPKrazy]

and maybe I was. But I also realize that as much as inspired, I was just reminded that I can't let my own shit get in the way of trying to help others in life, do my job, and live the life that I idealize.

I drove into Little Rock this morning for a board meeting of my professional organization. I felt nostalgic thinking about graduate school back in the late 80's and living in Little Rock. At that time I was told I could "change the world", and idealism and energy were rampant along with good democratic and liberal ideals.

Then at the board meeting a student board member was there who is absolutely fabulous. She is idealistic, a flaming liberal, and a struggling grad student. She however is also doing the things in my field as a student, that I did once, and realized that I have let my personal shit get in the way of doing.

Someone recently told me I was immature, and I didn't like that. However, the problems that I've encountered in my life of recent, are all of my own making. The only common thread is me. The only common denominator in me in all of these, is letting self-pity and immaturity drive me. I hate to admit it, but they are right.

Now I'm not writing this as a "downer" I'm actually very optimistic at this point. I feel invigorated and inspired, not so much by the student board member, but by a remembrance of myself, and the feeling that this person is still very much with me!



:hi:

[Bunny]

1. Well then, go out there and get 'em!

I think it's good that you're introspecting (is it a mortal sin to convert introspection to a verb? :shrug:) a little.

I've been doing that too - I posted a thread last week about googling an old flame, and it really dredged up memories of myself as I was 30 years ago. I've been doing an internal inventory of where I am, where I thought I would be, and the distance I've traveled to get here. You know, the road not taken, and all that crap. It's been real interesting, if a little bittersweet.

[SPKrazy]

2. Actually, I'm Working On It

and have the opportunity right in front of me in the form of being chair of the legislative committee of my professional organization and the legislature is meeting right now! We will be doing a lot of monitoring and lobbying (on a shoestring budget) during the next few months. The good news is that we have a democratic governor, Lt. governor and majority in the house and senate. The bad news is that the right wing still has it's hands in the pot and is intimidating to some of the legislators.

I'm on it!

thanks

[Bunny]

4. Great! It sounds like you're on an interesting committee.

It's exciting to get started on something new, isn't it?

[SPKrazy]

6. Well, It Is Exciting

I wish I could say it's new...

I've been the chair of this committee, the legislature only meets every other year. I've spent the last year putting together my committee and trying to include members of my profession from different parts of our small state.

I know I've got a great committee. Now to get their chairperson on top of things!

:pals:

[idgiehkt]

3. I hear where you are coming from

Self-examination may not be something that translates well, cause it's much more fashionable to be all nam-myoho renge kyo and talk about how flawless you are. I know what it is like to recognize a pattern, because like you said a pattern means a common thread and a common thread means a common denominator which is always me. I'm going through the same thing with realizing I'm choosing the people I'm attracted to becuase I really don't want anyone to get close to me. So now I have to look at that and decide what I really want. I think it is so admirable to see someone doing this kind of introspection because the truth is it is very, very rare. I know you will get back on track and into doing your thing and acheiving your purpose in life. Sometimes we stumble, but that's okay as long as we pick ourselves up and move on. I have stumbled big-time lately, but that's okay, I'm rusty, and I can take what I've learned and use it for my benefit. Just don't beat up on yourself too much...make sure that whomever is pointing fingers at you in criticism is also owning their own shit as well, otherwise the criticism is useless and probably projection. (Besides, we are all 'immature'.)

:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[SPKrazy]

5. I'm Actually Not Beating Myself Up Today

it feels good to see myself in a way that I can do something about it, rather than looking at it fatalistically and saying it's all doomed, or that I can't do anything about it.

Thanks for your support friend!

It means a lot!

:hug: :loveya:

[SPKrazy]

7. ....

self serving kick

[gemdem]

8. Kicking again for SPK!

Doing a lot of self inspection myself these days. There's a lot to sift through, and sometimes I'm better with it than others. Bottom line is though is that I'm making some choices -- some I can act on now, others have to wait. In any case, I believe that I've got it moving in the right diretion.

Good luck, and keep it going!

:applause:

[SPKrazy]

9. You Too Gem Dem

inspection, inventory, introspection, whatever one wants to call it, is a gift to yourself.

Good luck to you!

:applause: