Democratic Underground Latest Greatest Lobby Journals Search Options Help Login
Google

HELP! I have information on the girl in the office everyone hates...

Printer-friendly format Printer-friendly format
Printer-friendly format Email this thread to a friend
Printer-friendly format Bookmark this thread
This topic is archived.
Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:47 AM
Original message
HELP! I have information on the girl in the office everyone hates...
Information that would curl her hair, cause a divorce and tip her whole world askew....If you knew that one of your coworkers had information about your husband/wife like this, would you want to know? I mean, it's from a reliable source, and it involves this girl's husband and affairs with three or four other women in the office, one of whom is pregnant. He lives in one of the Upper Rocky states and she lives here in Oklahoma. I really don't want to tell her, but I'm afraid my kharma level is going to do a downward spiral soon. HELP!
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Callalily Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:55 AM
Response to Original message
1. If she's a friend
yes, tell . . . a coworker/colleague I wouldn't tell.

Just my opinion. Good luck with your decision.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
chknltl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:14 AM
Response to Original message
2. Second that "If she is a friend"
But even so I would consider carefully who that telling may hurt. If you wind up loosing a friend and gettin beat up for your efforts.... If you just wind up loosing the friend may be a bad thing too. Be very sure of your facts as well. If none of these folks are Friends then I suggest keeping quiet. No sense in being labeled a busy body and making enemies. That's my suggestion for what its worth... (Paging Ann Landers.....)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:34 AM
Response to Reply #2
4. Like I said in the original post, she's not a friend to anyone...
She's got this snotty, I'm better than you attitude. But she's the stereotypical fat girl and everyone pretty much hates her. Yes, it's sad, but it's something she's done to herself.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
chknltl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:01 AM
Response to Reply #4
14. Misread that...sorry
I'd just keep it to myself then. If everyone already hates her anyway there is likely a good reason for this. Let her own Karma do it's will is my suggestion. Your nudging her Karma along will not do your own Karma any good here.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
fudge stripe cookays Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:12 PM
Response to Reply #4
32. What exactly....
is a stereotypical fat girl?

Is it anything like a stereotypical gay guy or a stereotypical black chick? Just curious.

Just because she's snotty to everyone and you don't like her, how does that have anything to do with her being fat?

I've put on a few pounds the last few years, and a lot of people might say I'm snotty. What do the two have to do with each other? Nothing.

I'd mind your own beeswax. If it causes friction in the office, and it's known that the information came from you, prepare to be searching for another job soon. Which might actually be a good thing for anyone else in the office with personal problems that are none of your business.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:17 PM
Response to Reply #4
34. It sounds like you're
out to get her any way you can. I TOO would like to know what a "stereotypical fat girl" is.

I've lost 160lbs, no one that I'm aware of hated me or hates me. Maybe she's distanced herself from all of you and has a protective barrier around herself because with 'friends' like you guys, who the hell needs enemies.

I KNOW you're not friends, but I'm sure you get the drift.


aA
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:53 PM
Response to Reply #34
74. She thinks we're all the best of friends.
No shit.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
cwydro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:18 PM
Response to Reply #74
86. Why?
if you don't like her, why does she think you are her friend?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 10:37 AM
Response to Reply #86
95. I have no idea.
I mostly ignore her. I put my headphones in and pretend I can't here her. I'm professional and stick to work topics. I'm polite, but not friendly. I have no idea why she thinks we're friends.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Canadian Socialist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:00 PM
Response to Reply #4
43. The last acceptable prejudice... fat people
I cannot believe that a "progressive" person would make such a hateful, bigoted, reprehensible statement such as this: "stereotypical fat girl". WTF does that even MEAN?

Stay the hell out of her business; you don't like her and are looking for exculpation from DU members to hurt her. Find something else to do with your time. Gawd.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
HarukaTheTrophyWife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:51 PM
Response to Reply #43
72. Nope, homophobia and transphobia are just as acceptable.
In any case, I agree that such a bigoted fat-phobic comment is not acceptable anywhere.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:52 PM
Response to Reply #43
73. Have you SEEN pictures of me?
I'm a fat girl myself. And if it comes from another fat girl, it's probably valid, when it comes to fat girl stuff. Dude, I was making conversation. GAWD.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ptah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:16 PM
Response to Reply #4
49. WTF? "But she's the stereotypical fat girl"
For twenty-three years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you!
And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!



Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
WritingIsMyReligion Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:16 PM
Response to Reply #49
62. OT, but: Saw that movie the other night.
:hi:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ptah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:21 PM
Response to Reply #62
63. There's no place like home


:hi:

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Zookeeper Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 04:23 AM
Response to Reply #63
92. BTW, the ruby slippers that were on display...
in Judy Garland's hometown of Grand Rapids, MN, were stolen about two years ago and are still missing. They are one of the original pairs.

It's a mystery.... :shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DWilliamsamh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 11:00 AM
Response to Reply #4
100. So in reality this is about comeuppance
You couched you original post as the familiar a moral conundrum od giving some one info sure to cause pain now Vs. letting then be deceived and possibly hurt worse in the future. And you are also worried about being seen as a busy body (an understandable, but selfish concern).

The reality however is she is not a friend, and in fact she is a disdained co-worker. You can't stand her and would find it delicious to "put her in her place" since she has such a holier than thou attitude (which BTW you think is unjustified because she fat and probably less attractive the "she thinks she is").

You definitely lose Karmic energy if you do this. You motivation is obvious and negative.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 11:04 AM
Response to Reply #100
101. I will cop to that.
I'm going to leave it alone and forget that I ever knew about this.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DWilliamsamh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 11:30 AM
Response to Reply #101
103. Good. and leave your judgmental "tude" at the door as well.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
hippywife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:20 AM
Response to Original message
3. It's just best to stay out of it.
I wouldn't involve myself in a situation that will cause an major meltdown like this one would.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
swag Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:41 AM
Response to Reply #3
5. Seconded.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
cwydro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:41 AM
Response to Reply #5
23. Thirded.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
zanne Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:21 PM
Response to Reply #23
37. fourthed. nt
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
LaurenG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:42 AM
Response to Original message
6. No matter when she finds out it will hurt her very deeply
Whatever you do, do it out of LOVE and no other reason.

This will blow her world apart and whenever or however she gets the news it's going to bring her to her knees.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
I Have A Dream Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:02 AM
Response to Reply #6
15. OB...
Edited on Sat Dec-16-06 10:03 AM by I Have A Dream
:loveya:

and I absolutely agree.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Nickster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:43 AM
Response to Original message
7. Stay out of the line of fire. If he is having this many affairs, it's quite possible that
she already knows what's going on and chooses to ignore it because she thinks she's the only one who knows. If you are the one to knock her into reality it could come back and slap you in the head. If she's not your friend, it's not worth putting your neck out like that.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leftyladyfrommo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:46 AM
Response to Original message
8. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole.
She probably knows about it anyway.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:50 AM
Response to Reply #8
9. You know, I really don't think she does.
She's just that stupid and naive.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
leftyladyfrommo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:53 AM
Response to Reply #9
11. Is it really your business to tell her - or is it because you don't like
her and want her to get hers?

There are no winners in these situations. I'm not sure I would even bring it up if it were my best friend.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:58 AM
Response to Reply #11
13. If she were my friend, I'd probably tell her.
Edited on Sat Dec-16-06 09:58 AM by YellowRubberDuckie
I've decided not to tell her. She's going to hate everyone when she finds out because none of us will pretend we didn't know, but no one cares.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
buddhamama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:51 AM
Response to Original message
10. if everyone hates her
there's a good chance the info is not true to begin with, nothing more than malicious rumors meant to hurt the girl.

i would mind my own business.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:55 AM
Response to Reply #10
12. It's really not though.
When you hear the same stories from different people in different departments who don't even know each other in the office where I work, it's usually pretty reliable. And the way he talks about her behind her back is pretty telling.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
buddhamama Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:07 AM
Response to Reply #12
16. intent counts
what would be your reason for telling her?

are you close friends with this person? is that why you are contemplating telling her?

if the intent is to hurt her with the info, because you too, do not like her
there lies your answer.

if you are truly concerned about your karma,

then you need to question your intent first,
your intentions must be to do good, not harm.


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:10 AM
Response to Reply #16
17. Let's be honest...
I was technically asking if I should tell her. I don't want to tell her because I think that it's a little ironic that the chick who is snooty, snotty and hateful to most people is in a really sad marriage.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ann Arbor Dem Donating Member (900 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 01:58 PM
Response to Reply #17
42. You're in a really sad marriage?
I'm sorry about that. But you really shouldn't be spreading gossip.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Susang Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:18 PM
Response to Reply #42
51. It's called workplace bullying
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ariana Celeste Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:26 PM
Response to Reply #51
53. Thanks for posting that link.
Looks like a good resource. :thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Susang Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:36 PM
Response to Reply #53
56. No problem
That site was very helpful to me in the past, after I'd just started a job where someone decided they were threatened by me and made it their mission to try and hurt me. Made me realize that because of one person, my work like was miserable and that I had done nothing to provoke her. It's amazing to me how toxic things got in such a short time. Once that individual quit, amazingly everything changed and I was no longer the person that everyone hated for absolutely no reason. Later, when I mentioned some of the things that the woman had said and done to me, my co-workers were horrified.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ariana Celeste Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:43 PM
Response to Reply #56
58. I'm glad things got better for you.
:hug: I just don't understand the hate in people that would cause them to bully others. In school, at home, at work, on the internet. It's everywhere. :(
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:55 PM
Response to Reply #51
75. I'm a bully?
I'm not mean to her. I ignore her most of the time. Thank God for my IPOD. I told one person about it ask if it was valid information. Jesus Christ. I asked a question. I haven't done anything. I'm just talking here.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:48 PM
Response to Reply #42
69. No. SHE IS.
I wasn't spreading anything.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
colinmom71 Donating Member (616 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:09 PM
Response to Reply #17
46. Sadly, perhaps the state of her marriage is what makes her...
have a poor attitude towards her co-workers. Really I don't see anything ironic about it. All of her energy is likely tapped out by dealing with a lying, manipulative spouse, so there isn't much left in her to come to work and be cheerful towards her co-workers...

But no one deserves to live in an emotionally abusive marriage, and do not doubt that adultery is emotionally abusive, especially if there are children in the marriage.

She probably knows something isn't right with her marriage and this probably makes her a defensive, aloof personality. Likely her husband is so busy squandering family time and resources chasing other women that she feels isolated and doesn't trust anyone around her. By not taking her aside and gently informing her of the office gossip (esp. if it's as credible as you belive it is), you're just reinforcing her isolation and defensiveness. She may resent your intrusion at first, but she needs to know what's going on in her marriage. These days, the consequences (STD's like HIV and HPV) can be deadly...

If I had info about a co-worker's marriage that I felt was solid and verifiable, no matter what my friendship level was with this person I'd have to do the right thing and let her know. Though beforehand, I'd also look up some resources and refer her to them so that she has some tools to help her deal with the mess headed her way. Resources like MarriageBuilders.com and DivorceBusting.com are good starting points for a betrayed spouse... Telling her is the right thing to do.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:49 PM
Response to Reply #46
70. He lives 1500 miles away and she thinks they're great.
She makes kissy noises at him on the phone and acts like they're teenagers in love. She's clueless, guaranteed.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
northzax Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:58 PM
Response to Reply #17
68. ever think that maybe
she is snooty, snotty and hateful because she is in a sad marriage?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:49 PM
Response to Reply #68
71. She makes kissy noises at him on the phone...
She acts like they're teenagers in love. She's clueless.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Guava Jelly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:18 PM
Response to Reply #16
35. I agree with you buddhamama
:applause:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Fla Dem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:37 PM
Response to Reply #12
57. I totally confused...she works with you in your office in OK. He lives and works
in a Rocky Mountain state. There are rumors (true or false) floating around your office in OK about his extramarital affairs in the Rocky Mt state with women from that office or the office in OK. Is this the same company with branch offices? If not then how doess the word get back to your office? What kind of a solid relationship do they have anyway if they are living apart? And why is she so disliked by everyone?

Better let this one pass you by......it's a train wreck waiting to happen and you DO NOT want to be caught in the middle.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
cwydro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:13 PM
Response to Reply #12
61. No offense.
but sounds like y'all need some more work to do. Seems like everyone there has a litte too much time on their hands.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ariana Celeste Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:50 PM
Response to Reply #61
66. this is probably the best response
on this thread :thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
cwydro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:53 PM
Response to Reply #66
67. Well, thank you kindly.
:D
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:58 PM
Response to Reply #61
77. It was ten minutes out of my day...
And work is picking up. Also, I haven't done a lot of gossiping. I asked one person about validity, and then I went back to work with my IPOD blaring in my ears to keep the distractions down. This has nothing to do with that. This is me having too much information and me making conversation about what to do with it. I'm leaving it alone, but I'm taking a little pleasure in a nasty person being clueless about her philandering husband. I'm going to keep my mouth shut, but sometimes DU helps me do just that.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
dropkickpa Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:38 PM
Response to Reply #12
84. Maybe
just maybe, being married to a two timing piece of shit that treats her like shit (I guarantee that if he talks shit behind her back in public, the stuff he says at home to her face is a million times worse) might have something to do with her being snotty. You have no way of knowing if she is living in a world of constant hurt, and has probably been hurt so many times by people in the past that she just doesn't try to make any effort anymore. I've known a LOT of people like that.

I most likely wouldn't tell, but I certainly would be completely disgusted with myself and anyone else felt any glee in that amount of pain she will be suffering when the truth is revealed. She won't just be having to deal with the home shit, but because loving hubby shat where she worked, she'll most likely be out of a job, too, because I doubt she would be able to face going to work everyday with people who'd been with her SO.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JustABozoOnThisBus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:11 AM
Response to Original message
18. noyb
Just drop it.

It doesn't involve you, unless you're one of the ones in the affairs (I'm assuming not).

Don't worry about the karma of all this. Try manipulating karma and it'll bite you in the ass.

It'll end ugly, no matter what you do.

The guy sounds like a piece of work, probably a republican.



Do a lot of people at work talk about this kind of stuff? I'm sort of "socially oblivious" most of the time, but I don't notice discussions of this kind at work. Not as widespread as it appears to be where you work.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:16 AM
Response to Reply #18
19. They are so republicans.
Nice eye.
And the first I heard of it was yesterday. Then I asked someone I knew who used to work with the girl's husband on a different floor. Again, these people don't interact, and don't know each other (My first source and the next I asked). Same story, chorus and verse. It's so crazy. I sort of feel sorry for her, but then again, I'm convinced that people who are inconsiderate and snotty deserve what they get.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JustABozoOnThisBus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:37 AM
Response to Reply #19
21. Ok, but
you still need to drop it fast.

All you did was wander around asking questions, but when she asks who spread the rumor, your name might pop up.

Don't tell ... and just as important, don't ask.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:38 AM
Response to Reply #21
22. I asked one person, who is not going to blab.
She's an attorney. She gets paid not to blab. :evilgrin:
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
hippywife Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:02 PM
Response to Reply #19
30. It's really a good thing
we don't always get what we deserve. I don't think anyone could walk away unscathed from the perspective of everyone.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
fudge stripe cookays Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:16 PM
Response to Reply #19
33. What about those...
who are just inconsiderate? Like those who spread rumors around an office, which even if they are true, are NONE of their business?
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:59 PM
Response to Reply #33
78. I really haven't spread anything.
Like I've said before I asked one person for validity reasons, and they already knew it first hand. I'm not a gossip. I was making conversation on DU. I'm going to keep my mouth shut, damn. Fudge, you are always so harsh at me.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
fudge stripe cookays Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 04:01 AM
Response to Reply #78
91. I'd be harsh at anyone....
who was so blase about destroying another person's life just because she could.

Much of the stuff that comes out of your mouth is incredibly bigoted and nasty. I don't even think you realize it. That's what is so sad.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 10:36 AM
Response to Reply #91
94. Bigoted and nasty?
Wow. You are the only person who has ever thought so. I've said what I say here to the people that I interact with in real life, and no one has ever called me bigoted. Most people find me entertaining and level-headed. I work with and have a very diverse group of friends. They have never found me bigoted or nasty. As honesty is always my policy, we are brutally honest with each other, and they would tell me if I were offensive, bigoted, or nasty. Thanks for your input, but as we usually disagree on most things, I'm going to chock this up to another one of those issues we disagree on. Usually the things you say to me are hurtful and rude, but I don't even think you realize it and THAT is the saddest thing of all.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ptah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 10:39 AM
Response to Reply #94
96. I find your 'stereotypical fat girl' to be nasty.
And bigoted.

Ptah


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 10:44 AM
Response to Reply #96
98. So I'm bigoted?
I'm a fat girl myself. She makes the rest of us look bad and she's the fat girl they use on TV to make fun of the rest of us. So, yes, It makes me what to gag every time I see her shoveling food in her hole, talking with her mouth full and dropping it all over the front of herself. That's what I take offense to. Think it's nasty if you wish, but if someone was making an already discriminated group of people look even worse, you'd probably be nasty too. I just don't get the bigoted part.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ptah Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 11:19 AM
Response to Reply #98
102. On reconsideration, I sshould have said prejudiced.
My mistake.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
NashVegas Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:17 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. Drop It And Don't Spread It Around
Take it home and talk to your husband / dog.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Blue Diadem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:43 AM
Response to Original message
24. Maybe she already knows but hasn't allowed herself
to accept it yet..but it's there eating at her daily. Duckie..could it be the reason she's such a miserable person? Do they have children?

IIWY, I wouldn't tell her. I've had the experience of watching a best friend go through it. She's post divorce 20+ yrs now and it still has it's affect on her even though she's remarried.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:45 AM
Response to Reply #24
25. No kids.
Thank God. She is the last person who needs a kid. But she's trying really hard to get pregnant, and is probably sterile.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Midlodemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:49 AM
Original message
I wouldn't say anything. She probably already knows and maybe
that is why she is so hateful towards everyone. In all honesty, she's someone to be pitied, not vilified.

I remember working with 'the woman everyone hated' and she was just mean for the sake of being mean. Turns out her husband was having a torrid affair with her best friend and neighbor and she was trying to keep her family together.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Cheney Killed Bambi Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:49 AM
Response to Original message
26. Stay out of it
Inserting yourself into that morass will only get you hurt. Unfortunately, when people don't like the message, they often shoot the messenger.

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
koopie57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:59 AM
Response to Original message
27. Don't tell her
And what is "a typical fat girl"?

If you dislike her, why would you do it out of compasion?

I guess I don't understand your post very well, but if other people know, why do you feel you need to be the one to tell her?

Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
QMPMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 11:38 AM
Response to Reply #27
29. Thank you! I was wondering what a typical fat girl is, too.
To The OP:

Face it, you only want to cause this woman more pain because you don't like her. Get over it and leave her alone. YOu have no idea why she may be the way she is. It could very well be because of people like *you* talking behind her back and making busybodies of yourselves.

I hope that *you* don't have any flaws.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
koopie57 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 01:48 PM
Response to Reply #29
39. you said what I was thinking
but couldn't put into words. There was something that didn't seem right about that post. There seemed to be more than what was said.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:02 PM
Response to Reply #29
79. QMP, I have not gossiped.
I said one thing to one person who already knew, for validation purposes. And I'm just taking pleasure in someone nasty being clueless about a philandering husband. I'm going to keep my mouth shut.
And the stereotypical fat girl is the fat girl you see on tv, constantly stuffing food into her mouth, dropping it all over the front of herself, being kinda snotty, slovenly, and trying too hard.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Name removed Donating Member (0 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:31 PM
Response to Reply #79
89. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.
 
auntAgonist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 11:03 AM
Response to Original message
28. Stay out of it.
Nothing good can come out of this for anyone. There will be enough shit flying when it does get out without your contribution.

aA
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:06 PM
Response to Original message
31. I would stay out of it. (nt)
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:18 PM
Response to Original message
36. Keep it to yourself
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Fleshdancer Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 12:29 PM
Response to Original message
38. Are you sure she doesn't already know?
A few things to consider:

1. She might be in an open relationship
2. Are you sure your source is reliable?
3. If you were one with the cheating spouse, would you want your coworker to tell you?


By taking it upon yourself to be the one to tell her, not only is her personal life turned upside down, but her work environment is too and although she might act stuck up, no one deserves this much humiliation...not unless they start an illegal war and kill hundreds of thousands of people of course. ;)

My inner bitch would find the cheating husband's address and send an anonymous letter saying he has 30 days to tell her before she finds out by yours truly (as well as his boss and the boss of the women in the office he slept with). My inner bitch would also give the mean eye at the women in the office who had the audacity to sleep with a coworker's husband. That's a huge no-no.


Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
enigmatic Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 01:51 PM
Response to Original message
40. Mind your own business
Seriously.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
RetroLounge Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 01:55 PM
Response to Original message
41. In the words of Ann Landers and Dear Abby
MYOB!

Seriously, don't go where you don't belong.

Gossip = a polite form of character assassination.

RL
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ariana Celeste Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:06 PM
Response to Original message
44. I wonder,
if she acts the way she does because of how she is treated by everyone else. I'm certainly not full of smiles when it comes to people who 'hate' me.

I agree with everyone else, don't tell her unless you actually care about her and what's happening to her. And it doesn't seem like you do, judging by your OP and subsequent responses. :shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Ann Arbor Dem Donating Member (900 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:12 PM
Response to Reply #44
48. well said.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:03 PM
Response to Reply #44
80. She's convinced we're all the best of friends.
No shit.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
cwydro Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:25 PM
Response to Reply #80
87. Again, I have to ask
since you say she is hated universally, why does she think you are all her friends? Um, sounds a little two-faced to me...unless I'm just not getting something here. That seems really sad that she thinks her co-workers are her friends, but you're all talking smack behind her back. Sheesh.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Maddy McCall Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:08 PM
Response to Original message
45. Stay out of it.
You'll be the loser if you talk. Funny how that always works.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Bullwinkle925 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:10 PM
Response to Original message
47. Stay out of it.
There will be a tipping point at some time and she'll find out.
It's best to stick to your own business at hand.
IMHO.
BW925
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:18 PM
Response to Original message
50. This is amazingly immature.
Since it's clear that she in not your friend, your only motivation for telling her is to get back at someone with stereotypical fat girl behavior that you do not like. Please don't try to disguise this as anything you would do out of concern for her. And to bring karma into it is even more ludicrous. Butt out.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Maddy McCall Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:25 PM
Response to Reply #50
52. The karma in this situation may be unexpected.
This thread is disgusting.

And to your post: :thumbsup:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Bunny Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:29 PM
Response to Reply #52
54. Exactly. I'm pretty sure you and I are talking about a whole 'nother
type of karma than the OP is. :eyes:



:hi: Maddy!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Maddy McCall Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:31 PM
Response to Reply #54
55. Yup.
I'm sure we are. ;)

Hi, Bunny. :hi: :hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
colinmom71 Donating Member (616 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 02:52 PM
Response to Original message
59. Well, I touched on this in a post above...
She should be told and it has nothing to do with the notion of a "kharma dive". Frankly, I'm astounded at how many people are advocating the "head in the sand" approach.

*If* you know of some info that is solid and verifiable, then she needs to know what's going on within her own marriage. If it's idle office gossip, then she should at least be informed that people are saying rather injurous things about her behind her back. (Though with the separate living arrangements between the couple that you mention here, I'm having a hard time figuring out how he's involved with so many women at the wife's workplace... I'm sure there's more to it though.) If he is indeed cheating, she deserves the chance to protect herself from her husband's abusive manner.

I wish someone who knew had told my mother that my dad was cheating on her. By the time she got clued in, my dad was ready to leave her and us 2 kids and had cleared out every checking and savings account (including my college fund) that they owned. The morning after, he moved out and my mom had to beg him just to leave her $50 to buy groceries with (out of her paycheck she'd deposited the day before no less!). My dad's sister and some of their friends knew what was going on and they said nothing. My dad even made me the "sacrificial lamb" of sorts, framing me as a disrespectful, spiteful liar so that the other woman's kids didn't have to know that their mom was screwing a married man... My crime? I told her kids when my parents actually had split up.

People who cheat in their marriages will lie and abuse to get their "jollies". They often deflect their actions upon the betrayed spouse and don't care who suffers so long as they get what they want. Compounding the problem are the "well-meaning" by-standers who don't want to get involved or are afraid of the mess, but what they really mean is that they don't care enough to do the morally right thing. I was like that once and I've since learned a great lesson from it. I know now that if I'm ever again in such a situation, I will tell the betrayed spouse what I know and where they can find help to deal with their problem.

I've spend time reading some of the personal accounts of people dealing with adultery at MarriageBuilders.com, and it is simply incredulous how horribly cheaters will treat their spouse and even the kids. I could never leave someone vulnerable to that, regardless of how close or good my relationship is with them... But only you can decide if you're willing to stand up and let her know. Maybe HR can help out as well.

Oh, another problem with the scenario you mention is if the husband turns out to be the father of the pregnant co-worker's baby, then the co-worker in quesiton could end up seeing her family's resources being allocated to child support for the baby. She would end up literally paying for her husband's illicit behavior. There's also the issue of STD's and the wife wanting to get pregnant. She'll be a lot less hurt if she's told now rather than being informed on her first pre-natal visit that she's positive for HIV, HPV, or herpes... This isn't necessarily a moral issue but potentially a health issue as well...
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
treestar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:31 PM
Response to Reply #59
64. Some very good and practical points
Amazing that it seems so taken for granted on the thread that telling her is hurting her and not telling her is protecting her.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Mobius Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #59
65. well put
:applause:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #59
81. He used to work in our office.
In a different department. And I'm keeping my mouth shut. Apparently telling people on DU, people who don't know the girl, makes me a gossip? Anyway, I'll stick to talking about it with my husband and just let it go.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
colinmom71 Donating Member (616 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:15 PM
Response to Reply #81
85. Oh, please don't get me wrong...
I wasn't saying *you* were being a gossip by asking for advice here. Sorry if I said anything in a clumsy manner that made you feel I was saying so. I was referring to the issue already essentially being gossip within your office environment... Though for your protection, it might not be a bad idea to go to an HR counsellor and ask as an anonymous "what if" if your own job position could potentially be affected by the co-workers' mess.

A similar situation happened in my mom's office a few years ago and she too kept quiet, despite her own very personal history with adultery. With her office, it was her overall office manager and one of the managing receptionists and yes, her management position came about during the affair. The pressure in the office of people knowing, people upset with her becoming a manager, and finally her husband finding out were what led to the end of the affair and her job (it cost her her marriage and custody of their young son later on too, we heard)... The office manager however got off scot-free and his wife to this day is clueless. So goodness only knows if or when it will happen again.

You should do what you feel you best can. It potentially is an explosive (figuratively speaking) situation for your office, especially if HR gets clued in and anyone starts to believe that promotions or demotions happened in relation to the affairs... It may be best for you to keep your head low on this, but I personally couldn't. I just couldn't feel that I left someone vulnerable to the things I've seen happen in adulterous affairs. But that's based on my own personal experiences and an admittedly overly active guilty conscience.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Bullwinkle925 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 03:05 PM
Response to Original message
60. Another thought - DON'T BE A KARL ROVE!!
Enough said.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 08:56 PM
Response to Original message
76. Mind your business
and stay out of it.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:05 PM
Response to Reply #76
82. That's what I've decided to do.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
bigwillq Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 09:07 PM
Response to Reply #82
83. I think that's the best route.
:hug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
Rosemary2205 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Dec-16-06 10:30 PM
Response to Original message
88. Maybe she's so evil because she's in pain.
Instead of being evil in return maybe you could be kind to her? She could probably really use that considering how her husband treats her.......
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
YellowRubberDuckie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 10:39 AM
Response to Reply #88
97. I'm polite.
I'm just not friendly. I'm professional. I'm not overtly rude to her, but I don't go out of my way to include her in my social life.
Duckie
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
astral Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 12:14 AM
Response to Original message
90. We are all God's children
Hating someone so badly you relish the idea of speaking words to cause her pain so you can watch it is what you are saying about yourself. When we point the finger at someone, we have got an awful lot to learn about ourselves.

Telling someone for the wrong reasons is much more damaging than saying nothing, in my opinion. Sure, SOMEONE ought to let the poor woman know, it sounds like, but then again, gossip is gossip.

If the gossip is not true, does she really want to know what all her co-workers are saying behind her back?

She is a child of the universe who needs our prayers.



Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
IdaBriggs Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 07:28 AM
Response to Original message
93. Wow -- you hate her so much you want her dead?
Cheating spouses aren't just an emotional or financial problem; they bring back this lovely problem called DISEASES. If she thinks she's in a monogamous relationship, then what are the odds she is employing "protection" especially if she is trying to get pregnant?

Keeping your mouth shut isn't necessarily the right thing to do here, but getting personally involved probably isn't too bright, either.

Find a way to give her an "anonymous" head's up; if SHE wants to bury her head in the sand at that point instead of taking an honest look at what's going on in her marriage (and maybe they do have an open marriage, so no big deal), then its on her, but if philandering husband brings home anything from HIV to chlamydia, then you didn't just sit by and watch the train wreck happen.

Finding out you are a married to a louse while pregnant because you *MUST* have a C-Section due to having contracted a sexually transmitted disease doesn't sound like a situation where you should "mind your own business" anymore than you would choose not to call the police if you overheard a murder being planned in the cubicle next door. What SHE chooses to do with the information is NOT your business, however, and on that, I would keep my mouth closed.

Love her or hate her -- let her know someone is screwing with her life! Good luck!
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
ThomCat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 10:46 AM
Response to Original message
99. Don't make yourself a target for her hatred and venom.
If she's one of those people everyone hates then she's probably the type of kill the messenger.

If you can tell her anonymously, then I'd think about it, but don't put yourself out there. That's jsut asking to get dragged into a bad situation.
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
SPKrazy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 11:32 AM
Response to Original message
104. Ahhh, Stay Out Of It
it's a no win situation for you and her

she's not going to want to hear it

you run the risk of catching the brunt of her anger and denial

IT"s up to you though

:shrug:
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Dec-17-06 12:50 PM
Response to Original message
105. Locking
This has become inflammatory.

Respectfully submitted,
CaliforniaPeggy
DU Moderator
Printer Friendly | Permalink |  | Top
 
DU AdBot (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view 
this author's profile Click to add 
this author to your buddy list Click to add 
this author to your Ignore list Sun Dec 10th 2017, 07:25 PM
Response to Original message
Advertisements [?]
 Top

Home » Discuss » The DU Lounge Donate to DU

Powered by DCForum+ Version 1.1 Copyright 1997-2002 DCScripts.com
Software has been extensively modified by the DU administrators


Important Notices: By participating on this discussion board, visitors agree to abide by the rules outlined on our Rules page. Messages posted on the Democratic Underground Discussion Forums are the opinions of the individuals who post them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Journals |  Store  |  Donate

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC