Why do some men not say "goodbye" when they end a phone conversation?

[Writer]

I had this experience today with an older friend of mine... and my dad does this to me constantly. When the conversation ends, they don't say "goodbye." Instead, there's this jumbled "grofruginbut" or something like that.

Can someone shed some light on this? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Writer, the One Who is Eternally Confused about Older Men

On edit: Grammar whore.

[MrCoffee]

1. because a phone is not a toy...

it's not intended to be used to tell me about your day, or what the guy in line behind you at the taco bell said, or what strange thing is growing in your front yard...it's to convey basic information.

The ideal phone call goes something like this:
"hey"
"hey, what time?"
"7, maybe a little later."
"cool"


and that's that.

[Writer]

18. I can picture that.

Thanks!

Grofruginbut! :hi:

[Droopy]

2. Because they are pricks!

No, really, I don't know.

[Writer]

19. Hrmmm... I dunno about that... I happen to like men. A lot.

Actually too much.

Grofruginbut! :hi:

[Skittles]

52. no Writer, Droopy is correct, forget MrCoffee's explanation

yes INDEED :7

[Twillig]

3. They don't want to die.

Goodbye could be goodbye. Why Jinx yourself?

Of course Vonnegut has Bokonon in Cat's Cradle says: "It's never a mistake to say goodbye."
For that reason, of course.

[Writer]

20. Well... okay...

so why not a "see/talk to you later" or a "hasta luego?" Why grofruginbut?

[Hosnon]

4. I do this in certain circumstances - usually with close guy friends.

Once the "substance" of the conversation has been conveyed, we don't see the need for that last "procedural" move.

Example:

Me: Hey, what time are we meeting?

Him: 8:30.

Me: Ok.

(click)

So harm, no foul in my mind. However, I would never do that with someone I wasn't particularly close to (male or female) or to any female.

[Writer]

22. Maybe the guy I was talking to today considers me "one of the guys?"

I dunno.

Grofruginbut! :hi:

[Phillycat]

5. I am a woman and I do that.

I can't stand all the "okay, talk to you later. I'll call you when I get out. Okay, see ya. Okay, bye." At the end of a conversation. GOD! I just say, "talk to ya" and hang up.

[Writer]

23. Well... at least you say that!

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[ashling]

6. grofruginbut

that is all.

[Writer]

12. Yar! Grofruginbut, ashling!

Yar! :hi:

[ashling]

16. youbetcha, Grofugmmmmph!

:hi:

[carlydenise]

7. I live in the northern tier states

I have noticed that alot of people here just hang up when they are thru......unfortunately, I have come into the habit of doing it too......my fine old southern manners have went out the window while living here.

Carly

[Writer]

24. That was definitely the case when I was in NYC.

Although the two in mind aren't from the North originally. Oh well.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Roon]

8. I used to have a dope dealer that never said "Good-bye'

You never knew if the conversation ended.

[Writer]

25. Dope dealers. Yeah, I'd think they'd want to keep conversations SHORT.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. My dear Writer.........

All the men I talk to say goodbye........

One in particular says it very tenderly......it's lovely.

He almost whispers it.........

[Writer]

27. Oh Peggy, you lucky lady.

The one I was talking to today... I WISH he would have said it tenderly.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[MiniMandaRuth]

10. The guy I like always ends his phone conversations with:

"Goodbye, she who always infuriates me because she won't lend me her scarf."

:crazy:

[Writer]

28. Hey manda...

I read your post on the scarf incident with your current amore. He seems to have a bit of a fixation on scarves, that one.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[petronius]

11. Pretty much the only person I talk to on the phone is my wife, and those conversations end with:

"Love you! ... Love you more! ... No, I love you more! ... No, you hang up, first ... No, you hang up ... OK, at the same time, then. ... <kissykissykissy>" :silly:

("grofruginbut" sounds like a pretty useful word, though - I wish I I knew what it meant...)

[Writer]

13. How cute!

Grofruginbut: I think it's German for, "Man with testicles bids you goodbye." :)

[LeftyMom]

14. I think it's a defense mechanism against female goodbyes

Women have this tendency to start to say goodbye, remember something else to tell you, talk for a few minutes and then repeat.

I shouldn't say that in the third person because I definitely do it.

[Writer]

29. In my case, it may have been not wanting to get too far outside of...

the business we were attending to... in the middle of the conversation I tried to ask him how he was doing. All I got was a "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, yeah."

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Lex]

15. My grandpa used to answer the phone with a gruff "All right."

As in "All right, start talking" but he just said "All right."

[Kutjara]

30. You reminded me of how other countries answer the phone.

In Spain, they say "Diga!", which literally means "Speak!" To them, it's the normal and polite way to answer the phone, even though it sounds very commanding and abrupt to me. The Italians use "Pronto!", which is like picking up the phone and saying "C'mon, c'mon! I haven't got all day!"

Even our own "Hello" didn't exist before A. G. Bell coined it as a way of letting callers know you'd answered the phone. The closest word in existence then was "Hullo!", which was more of a maritime shout telling someone to pay attention or look out.

As for 'goodbye,' as a contraction of 'god be with you', I'm not sure it's appropriate for a good atheist like me to be using it, but I do anyway.

[Writer]

37. In Mexico, it's "Bueno?" or "Halo?"

I think the bueno is short for "buenos dias." But it's interesting how technology can mold behavior from time to time.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[carlydenise]

54. I always wondered what Goodbye meant

I look at my caller ID before picking up......if it is someone I know.....I answer "yo" for hello
and "later" for bye....telemarketeres get hello, Carly isn't home...no, this isn't Carly, this is the (sitter, maid, gardener etc)...the call ends with a "buh bye".

[Writer]

31. LOL

He certainly got to the point, didn't he?

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Schema Thing]

17. because it hurts too much?

[Writer]

32. Say wha'?

Okay... if it were a long-lost love, all right. This guy... I'm not too sure, although I've gotten signals from him in the past.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Schema Thing]

42. ok, that "grofruginbut" thing IS a bit weird

[JVS]

46. Ohhhh the man-pain!

[Schema Thing]

51. exactly!

[YDogg]

21. I used to talk with a fellow who would simply hang up when he was finished...

... with no indication that he was hanging up. It was kinda weird, but I got used to it.

I usually say bye-bye, but I'm trying to get into the habit of saying goodbye on the phone at work, bc it seems more formal.

[Writer]

33. Huh. Guess that was his style...

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Redstone]

26. I know women who do that too. Don't know why.

Redstone

[Writer]

34. Yeah, I guess it really isn't gender specific.

It's just that the moments I've experienced this have been with men. Maybe saying goodbye is too emotional for a few? I dunno.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

35. I know an older gent

with impeccable manners — rises when a woman enters the room, etc. — y'know, what was once considered "normal." He ends phone conversations with a very distinct "Goodbye," almost as if it were two words.

But, yeah — I've noticed the majority of people just aren't comfortable with getting off the phone. They drag it out and/or use some indeterminate form of "goodbye."

Me, I'd be happy as a (insert simile here) if most calls ended with "later," since I figure on talking to most people again, and the word conveys that.

But not telemarketers 'n' stuff.

[Writer]

36. Later... bye... ciao...

are things I've said in the past. Yes, perhaps many people are uncomfortable with "goodbye." That gent you referred to - sounds like a real stand-up man.

Grofruginbut!

:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

38. Oh, dog, not 'ciao'

Talk about sounding pretentious — unless one is Italian.

[Writer]

39. Pretentious? Really?

:evilfrown:

All right, then. From now on, I'm sticking to "grofruginbut." :hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

40. It sounds pretentious to me

That doesn't mean it is.

[Writer]

53. Well, then grofruginbut YOU!

:P

[Aristus]

41. In the Army, it's especially confusing. At the end of the phone call, they

expect you to say "Out here", which to me seems like a ludicrous thing to say. Now on the radio, where you just have one frequency to broadcast and receive from, that might make sense. But I guess the Army thinks "goodbye" is too soft, too civilian. Anyway, I always say goodbye, no matter what the substance of the call is.

[RoyGBiv]

43. Because we hate phones ...

Or at least *I* hate phones. It has taken me 30 odd years to do so, but I have finally convinced people not to call me unless they have something to say, and when they're done saying it, to go do something else. If they want to talk, the phone should be used to arrange a get-together. Saying "goodbye" means spending an additional amount of time using a device that is, to many of us, the inanimate embodiment of evil, and we don't have time for that.

Sit me down in a chair, on the couch, in a bar, on a park bench, or even in the car, and we'll talk until our ears turn blue, and when we're done, I'll say goodbye and offer sincere expressions that indicate I'm sorry our time together has come to an end. Being on the phone is not time together. It's using technology to pretend we're spending time together.

I also don't say goodbye in e-mail or on forum posts. I simply hit send/post.

[Hosnon]

45. Preach on!

My thoughts exactly...

:toast:

[Evoman]

47. Hell yeah

Everytime I hear the phone I cringe. I've been tempted to shut it off permenantly many time.

I HATE HATE HATE talking on the phone. I love catching up, but I need to look at a person. I get more information from a persons body movements and facial expressions then I do their conversation...and the phone throws me off.

[RoyGBiv]

49. Precisely ...

Men are often accused of being emotionally void, non-engaging. I can't speak for all men of course, but personally I am very emotionally involved in my relationships with people and crave engagement. But I don't see phone communication as engagement. I see it as deferment of actual communication.

I can truly sit in a bar, with one beer, which I order simply because being *in* a bar dictates that one should order something out of simple propriety, and talk with a person for hours. At work I sometimes have to stop myself from sharing stories with people who are customers because I have other customers I need to show attention ... which is hard sometimes when I find a customer that really likes to talk because I really like to talk, and I know more often than not that the person next in line doesn't want to talk but yell at me about something that had nothing to do with me at all.

Body language, eye-contact, in addition to verbal communication; these are the things I crave. When I'm talking to someone on the phone about something important, all I can think about is how to get off the phone and get to a real place where this person and I can have a "real" conversation.

[Evoman]

50. Hell yeah x 2

I love conversating, I love debating, I love shooting the shit. But I won't stay on the phone longer than 5 minutes. I get antsy.

[PVnRT]

56. A-fucking-men

I hate talking on the phone. Fucking hate it. Even with my fiancee, the chief thought running through my head after about five minutes is SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. It's to the point where I just kind of grunt and say "uh-huh" every so often.

As for my closing on the phone, anyway, it's either "Later" or "Yup" or "Uh-Huh."

[WritingIsMyReligion]

44. I don't understand men at all.

*scratches head*

[jobycom]

48. Why do you think this is a man thing?

The people who do it to me are all women. :shrug:

[JVS]

57. have you been making obscene phoncalls again?

;-)

[AirmensMom]

55. An elderly lady told me, years ago,

that she NEVER says "goodbye" because she's afraid that will make it so she never sees the person again. It wasn't clear to me if she was afraid she would die or the other person would die. But it definitely has something to do with dying. My mom recently started just hanging up -- no "grofruginbut" or anything at all. Just "click". I've experienced it more with older people in general, no matter which gender they are.