school bullying

[mad-mommy]

Our local news is doing an investigation of school bullying. There was a report of a junior high boy, being stuffed and locked in a locker for about 40 minutes, was unlocked by a student and let out. He yelled and banged, but apparently no teacher heard this. It happened before the start of the day. I remember that part of the day as being particularly noisy as kids roamed the halls prior to homeroom, and not all teachers are prent in their homerooms until the bell rings. He and his mother went on the local news about the incident, his face was not revealed. The police were contacted but said they could not get involved without the school's cooperation. I ask , why not? If a child was seriously injured or worse, would the police not look into it if the school didn't cooperate??? The school, strongly denied this happened, and claims the kid just said this happened because he was late for class and wanted to avoid getting in trouble. (apparently late because he spent 40 minutes inside of a locker) The school also claims he could not fit into a locker, though he did appear on the smaller side for his age. The victim said he could give a description of the boys who did this. Why a kid would lie about this, and go on TV, even without his face revealed, they know who he is, and chance further ridicule is beyond me. I went to high school, and yes, pranks happen, and some of them are on the nasty side. I remember an incident with duct tape, and a kid being hurt pretty badly. I feel the school could and should have said at this time they could not find any evidence to support the kid's claims, but they will continue to look into it, and of course cooperate with the police. What harm could come of them working with the police? What signs is this school sending by not cooperating with the police? An expert on school bullying was contacted and said in these situation, allegations must be carefully looked into and not dismissed.

I don't know why, but I am outraged by this. It's not my school district, but it still bothers me. What if this kid had health issues with breathing problems, it could have turned out a lot worse. Over the years, locally, there have been reports of nasty hazing rituals where kids have been seriously hurt, and charges brought up against the perpetrators.

As a parent, what do you do? Kids sometimes can not draw the line when it comes to pranks...what starts off as what they think is harmless, can turn into something more serious. Some kids can come to their senses before it turns ugly, some can not. I feel there should be a zero tolerance policy. No student should be allowed to place their hands on another student, period. School activity leaders should set policies that pranking and hazing will mean immediate dismissal from the program. School officials should also set the same policy for the school and buses. And parents should be held responsible if their kids don't respect the rules.

This is being done in another school district with great results. The school adopted a zero tolerance policy. There are no "three strikes and your out" It's one strike. The school also stresses participation in some type of school activity. It has worked well, and the kids are respectful of fellow students, whether the play sports, are in the band, or science club.

Recently someone tried to give my son a wedgie on the bus, he said he fell, and went against the window, he's 6. The kid who did it was caught by the bus driver, and sent to sit up front. There are supposed to be cameras on the bus, and obviously the bus driver saw the incident, and it was not brought to my attention. My son told me about it weeks after it happened. Though this particular bus driver informs parents of every minor incident on the bus, like your child got up out of his seat too soon at the stop, your child turns in the seat to talk to other kids, the kids laughed too much on the bus. So, why wasn't I told my son fell into a window, I don't know? I didn't contact the school about the incident because he wasn't hurt, but maybe I should have???

What policies, if any, does your school district have ? Do they work?

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I pulled my son out of middle school last year because

he was being threatened and bullied on the bus and the bus driver KNEW about it, but did nothing.

She is now unemployed. Don't fuck with my kid.

[mad-mommy]

6. did you change schools or are you home schooling?

did you change schools or are you home schooling?

[Midlodemocrat]

18. I homeschooled him for 8th grade, but he went to the high school

this year and seems to like it. Now, if he could only get his grades up. :eyes:

[ThomCat]

2. Some school administrators take a CYA attitude.

They don't care what happens as long as they can cover their asses and pretend everything is going well.

Bullying happens in every school. Every school should have programs to monitor and minimize bullying. In this case, the police absolutely should get involved.
x(

[mad-mommy]

7. I found it scary...

that they would not cooperate with the police. The news channel promised to continue investigating this.

[YankeyMCC]

3. Where I live now has a zero tolerance

and usually I cringe at the concept of 'zero tolerance' it tends to lead to tying hands of otherwise capable administrators and leads to some silly actions. But somehow this town seems to have an official 'zero tolerance' and avoid the silliness that often comes with that. I'm not sure how, but there is a whole detailed process with a focus on conflict resolution and everyone gets involved (teacher, student, parent, principle, any other relevant advisor's for example for kids with special ed needs)

That I think is the crux of it. Paying attention and getting involved.

This stuff does get to me too. I was a victim of bullies when I was in grade school. I went from a very popular kid (this is 1st grade age) to the but of jokes (with my big thick glasses - I'm so thankful to the material scientists who developed thin plastic lenses) when my parents moved us further out into the suburbs.

And in particular the problem of teacher and administrator inaction irks me. Because I was tortured from 1st to 4th grade. And never did my tormentors get in trouble for what they did to me. More typically I was got into as much trouble as anyone. And when it finally sunk into my thick head that it was up to ME to fix the situation I got busted right away.

For example in the 3rd grade while waiting outside the school but on school grounds for the morning bell to ring I was held against a tree while one of the 'tough guys' pummeled me in the face and stomach.

Nothing happened. I tried telling the teacher, she didn't believe it was as I described (not enough bruising I guess, somehow I didn't get cut in the face).

A couple years later I 'invited' this same 'tough guy' to follow me Off School grounds to have it out.

The principal saw us walking away from the path and dragged me back to the school and I was suspended.

This is a point of contention between my mother and I. She thinks this school was wonderful and I think just the opposite about the teachers that were there at the time.

[mad-mommy]

8. sorry...

about the bullying. That carries scars. I remember some minor bullying. I was always very thin and a bit on the meek side. In high school, a girl who I grew up with decided to get nasty with me and shoved me around a few times. It was unprovoked, I never figured what got into her. Two girls from another town who I just met in high school were a lot tougher than her, and told her to cut the crap or she would be sorry. And the shoving stopped. I knew this girl I grew up with had lots of family problems, and as an adult she is a very decent person. Other than that, I had a few other incidents which were very upsetting.

[tigereye]

4. I send my son to a school where there is no bullying

it's very small, so they pretty much don't miss anything like that. It just wouldn't be tolerated.


I do admire the schools that have "no bullying" policies and encourage the kids to find ways to resolve things without cruelty or violence.

[mad-mommy]

9. if you...

If you set an example of what happens to bullies, and stick with it, you stop a problem before it starts. parents who have to drive their kids to another school district probably aren't too happy for that inconvenience.

[tigereye]

11. I think a lot of kids bully due to lack of social skils

and/or self-control. I would think that if they are taught that that kind of behavior won't play, it would benefit them in the long run.

I think kids benefit from having the bullies learn a different way of interacting, however. Unfortunately, it seems like there are kids who act like that (or think it is acceptable) everywhere you go. I've been fortunate that there has been very little of that in my son's life.

[mad-mommy]

20. the school...

I was speaking of, with the zero tolerance also stresses being active in school activities. A large percentage of the kids participate in some sort of school activity. This keeps kids busy, makes them feel good about themselves, and teaches them to interact with other kids who may be different, but have the same interest. This is key. Parents and teachers have to be invloved though.

[cwydro]

5. I believe it

I was bullied horribly in elementary school, though not physically. Words can be vicious.

[mad-mommy]

10. you are right...

words are just as harmful. What is wrong with people? I would be heart broken if I found my kids were mean to other kids, because it would mean I failed somewhere. other parents see it as deserved for some reason or harmless kid stuff. Wrong!

[Blue Diadem]

12. Our local elementary has gone to zero tolerance & has implemented

a no-bully policy. Every parent receives a pamphlet describing in detail exactly what is hurtful. They're testing it at the elementary level then will bring it to the entire school system in the future. This is a rural school district, not very tolerating of outside people. And..if you're classified as an outsider, your future generations are considered outsiders too. So far, I think the policy is working because my granddaughter hasn't experienced anything bad this year. Her kindergarten year wasn't good nor the first part of her 1st grade year. She stopped liking school because of the teasing. This year so far has been good and she's enjoying school.

I wish the zero tolerance policy was around when we first moved here. My kids were tormented because they weren't "home grown". They were constantly told they were city people and city people were nothing but criminals and riff-raff. The nastiness went from there to their physical appearance etc.

My oldest ended up standing up for himself with physical altercations and getting into trouble. My daughter had an awful time, from notes left on her locker to girls gutsy enough to come to our door and knock..asking me if she would come out so they could beat her up. A group of boys (3rd grade) used to stand on the corner waiting for my youngest son to cross the street on his way to school, so they could torment him. One week, my daughter(7th grade)and son (3rd grade)both came home from school with black eyes and the school did nothing about it. The next week, my son was again physcially attacked on the playground and defended himself..guess who the cops were called on? He was interrogated by a deputy..I wasn't notified until my son came home from school hysterical because he thought he was going to jail.

It's been years now..the youngest is 27..but I can see the results. They don't trust people and are slow to make friends. It's funny that the bullies who have lifelong ties and family businesses in the area, expect those bullied to frequent their establishments, use their services and forget all about what they did.

[Crazy Dave]

13. I made my oldest son stand up in front of his 6th grade class...

...and apologize to another student whose parent had called me and explained that my son was making his son's life a living hell by picking on the kid mostly for the amusement of the other students. The teacher wasn't aware as my son had told the kid if he said anything he would beat him up but at least the kid told his parents and it was handled by me as a parent. He got spanked, (sue me), he got all his video games and his computer put in storage, he got lectured and lectured again about how being a bully was not acceptable in society or in our family, and he was humiliated by having to stand in front of his entire 6th grade class (with me and the teacher watching) after playing the bad guy for them, and apologized to the individual and told how much trouble he had gotten into for everything he had done. The class bully with tears in his eyes humiliated. It never happened again and he ended up protecting his former victim from the other school bullies, mainly out of guilt, but I didn't know about it or tell him to, he did it on his own and told me about it a couple of years later.

[mad-mommy]

21. more parents...

need to be like you. Your son really learned to be a good friend to that kid.

[ThomCat]

24. That is awesome.

Good for you. And good for your son. :applause:

[RebelOne]

14. A fellow co-worker's 15-year-old son killed himself

because of school bullying. He was very overweight and the other kids would torment him. One day, he took his father's gun to work, stood up in class and said, "I can't take anymore" and shot himself in the head.

[Crazy Dave]

15. If there was ever one thing I could take back in my life....

...it would be the things I said to the overweight kids. Being a runt as a small kid I was definitely at the bottom of the pecking order in my younger years and got picked on frequently at school and in the neighborhood. Even half the girls in my classes were bigger and stronger than me. But the overweight kids sadly were an easy and common target of everyone and of course, it felt good to get the pressure or attention off me but now I look back on those very young years and it's one of the few memories I have that make me ashamed and very sad whenever I think about it. And personally I'm glad it still haunts me and pulls at my heart as I realistically know I can never go back in time and change things but it made me teach my kids how things like that would definitely come back to them later in life like the guilt I'll carry to the end of my days.

[SteppingRazor]

17. Yeah, I gotta agree...

I tortured the living hell out of some kids when I was in elementary and junior high. Not proud of it, wish I could take it back, but what can you do?

[mad-mommy]

19. you can make sure...

you tell kids , if you have them, or any other kids you have an influence on, how you felt about your actions later in life when you were able to understand how wrong it was to torment other kids. I wonder if as kids we act out in order to prevent being acted upon?

[Crazy Dave]

26. In my case as a kid it was...

"I wonder if as kids we act out in order to prevent being acted upon?"

When I wasn't being picked on, joining in on someone else made me feel better because the attention wasn't on me and it also gave me a false sense that, "hey...these guys will like me now because I made fun of the heavy kid too and made everyone laugh with what I said". But then later on you found out that was not the case and you lost the chance of making a real friend. In fairness to my son, the bullyness wasn't really in his personality (sounds contradictory but I really feel like he made some bad judgments) and it certainly wasn't something he got from home. He was a regular sized kid, maybe a little more fit than the average and when the other students encouraged him to torment the other kid (his side of the story) it was his way of feeling popular and making everyone like him. Plus not having to suffer any humiliation or consequences made him feel invincible.

I really thought highly too of the other kid's parents coming to me first and letting me be the parent versus the school system getting involved and telling me that everything my son did was because we (the former MrsDTW) were bad parents.

Out of all the kids, two sons, one step-daughter, with that one exception I never had to go to the school again over fighting or anything like it.

[mad-mommy]

22. that is so sad...

I'm very sorry to hear. This is why i get so infuriated. First and most important thing our kids need to learn in school,humanity and ethics!

[pdx_prog]

16. My son's middle school has a zero tolerance policy

also. There is never any trouble there.

I remember when I was a freshman in high school there were these two other freshmen that were the "class bullies". They tried to terrorize EVERYONE. I hung around a larger group of pretty good size kids and we told them if they ever fucked with any of us we would all beat their ass at the same time.

There was a very small, frail, sick kid who was a senior at the time and evryone knew he wasn't going to be long for the world....I think he had some sort of degenerative disease. These bullies found him alone in a hall one day and picked him up and stuffed him in a trash can. They broke several of his bones in the process and the kid had to be hospitalized.

We were in PE class the next day playing the "crab ball" game. Our gym had a divider that went all the way across the gym and it had one door in the middle of it. We were playing the game and the senior football squad came running out of the locker room asking if they could play. The two coaches we had said they were welcome to play then one went to the door by the divider and closed it and the other went to the main doors, closed them and stood there.

The seniors started playing and progressively beat the shit out of the two bullies. It was painful to watch these guys being tormented like that. The coaches just stood there and watched and we cheered the seniors on. These two guys were crying like babies before it was all over. They left that day and never returned.

The first rule of the universe is that you always get what you put out. These guys learned the hard way.

[ThomCat]

23. I can't stop thinking about your story.

I feel so bad for that kid they put in the hospital, and as much as the idea of two kids getting hurt bothers me I keep smiling when I think of what that football team did.

I don't even know what "crab ball" is, but I'm guessing it hurt.

I wonder what those two told their parents to get pulled out of school. I hope it opened their parents eyes to what their kids were really like.

Wow. Powerful story.

[Deja Q]

25. I was beaten up once and the teacher simply looked at me getting pummelled

And that was over 20 years ago.

I've lots of stories and can empathize with other victims of bullies.

There needs to be a class to get people to stop feeling victimized and worthless. That is what draws the bully vermin in.

[ThomCat]

27. It's a horrible complicated situation

Many teachers feel like they can't get involved because if they break up a fight they'll end up in trouble with angry parents. School districts rarely stand up for the teachers. it's easier to just replace the teacher to calm down the parents.

Many other teachers honestly don't care. A friend's husband, for example, is a teacher and I know for a fact that he wouldn't sully his precious hands breaking up a fight. Unless you are one of his favorites he wouldn't give a damn what happened to any of his students. If the kid isnn't in one of his classes he wouldn't even acknowledge the kid existed.

Some teachers feel that kids need to work things out for themselves. I've been told this by several people I know who are teachers. I don't know how they think the kid on the bottom is going to "work it out," or even what that means.

And some teachers are themselves intimidated by the bullies.

I'm never surprised when teachers don't help the kids. I'm surprised when they do.

[Blue Diadem]

28. Hypno, That's just awful

When adults do or say nothing, it's essentially condoning the actions. A bully is going to see it as approval.

[mad-mommy]

29. it was wrong for the teacher to do nothing...

The teacher was even less of a human being than the kids doing the bullying. I understand that people sometimes don't like to get involved out of fear, but someone needs to speak up for powerless children, the powerless anybody.

[MissB]

30. We live in a small district

where all the parents know nearly all the kids (and each other). Being in a small school has its advantages.

Last year, my youngest was pushed on the bus by another child. My child was 6, the offender was 5. The five year old was pulled off the bus (it was still at school) by a teacher and kept off the bus for two weeks.

Bullying is taken very seriously, which I appreciate. They run a "get along" program and a peer intervention program which seems to work well.

[mad-mommy]

31. you know...

you know, it may sound excessive to some that a five year old gets booted off a bus for pushing, but I bet you that 5 year old will never push a child again. Inconvenience sometimes is the only lesson that will sink into some adult's heads in order to get their kids to respect the rules. But the most important lesson is teaching your kids to never hurt someone for any reason, and to find other ways to deal with being upset. Also, teaching your kids that they don't have to be friends with everyone, BUT, they should learn to respect everyone.

[MissB]

32. And one detail I left out of my first post

is that my kid is a boy and the five year old is a girl. The school frowns on that sort of action no matter what the gender.

Tag and kickball and all that is encouraged on the playground. But if a kid manages to find a stick and pick it up, he/she will be immediately stopped. Lots of parent volunteers keep an eye on things around there, though the staff does a fine job. They try not to let situations develop - playground volunteers are given parameters for watching situations and how they develop and when they should intervene. An occaisonal whack over the head by another kid tends to happen in K or 1st, but by 2nd they're all working together amazingly well.