This is really funny, I promise!!!

[rbnyc]

I'm especially proud of rhyming "shook he" with "cookie"!

To the tune of "Diamonds"

Bribery is a mom's best friend!

We moms are taught to raise our kids
with loving, clear discipline,
but when I'm tired and baby's wired
I just have to give in.

A two-year-old boy might be a pain in the ass,
but bribery in a mom's best friend.
Time-out may be grand but it's not instantaneous--
when your kids a brat, ice cream works in 2 seconds flat.

Moms grow old as kids grow bold
and we all lose our will in the end.
But suckers and ice-pops--
some sugar makes fits stop.
Bribery is a mom's best friend.

...Breyers ... Hershey's...
Talk to me, Baskin Robin, tell me all about it!

There may come a time when you just want to spank him
but bribery is a mom's best friend.
He won't come inside and you just want to yank him
his antics won't stop
'til you give him a lolly-pop.

He's your jewel when his tummy's full
but his mood will soon start to descend,
Instead of being shook he is given a cookie.
Bribery is a mom's best friend.

I've heard of some moms who are strict and consistent
but bribery in a mom's best friend,
I think that those moms must have inhuman patience--
it's a better plan to keep your purse full of marzipan.

Time rolls on and your ideals have gone
and you just cannot do what you planned,
whether tired or lazy,
when your kids go crazy,
Bribery... Bribery...
- I don't mean carrots -
but Bribery is a mom's best friend.

Edit: Changed subject to demand more attention. Wah!

[rbnyc]

1. Really? Is it offensive? Is it not as clever as I think?

Maybe if you could hear me perform it...

:shrug: