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Joe Fields Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Aug-21-06 06:23 PM
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For all you bored people who crave entertainment, read this!
But first, you need to have an attention span of five minutes or longer. It's a short, one act play, made up almost entirely of rock and roll song titles and lyrics. Now you know what I do in my spare time. And I have a lot of it these days. See if you can guess how many song titles are in this!


(A silly little one act play with song titles and lyrics)

by Joe Fields

There I was, stuck inside of Mobile, with those Memphis blues again. Downtown. Id been waitin for the bus all day. I had a ticket to ride.

Im so tired. Tired of waiting. Tired of waiting for you, I thought to myself. Anyway, these boots are made for walkin. So, I cut through MacArthur park, and went down the long and winding road.

It was in the midnight hour. Thats when I saw her standing there, a foxy lady; the devil with a blue dress on. She was leanin on a lamp post. She looked over at me and said, Hey, baby, wanna whole lotta love?

I shouldve known better. But what the hell. Just got paid today. Got me a pocket full of change. Besides, Ive been lonely too long.

She called out again. Come on, baby. Light my fire. Give me your dirty love.

What price, love? I asked her.

Four and twenty. If you want it, here it is. Come and get it.

She talked kinda funny. I stood there, dazed and confused. She looked like one of those billion dollar babies. Is that your midnight special?,

Its not unusual, said the brown-eyed girl.

I call that a bargain. The best I ever had.

Overhead, I saw chain lightning, and it began to rain. Raindrops are falling on my head.

She nodded. A hard rains a-gonna fall. Come in, she said. Ill give ya shelter from the storm. Walk this way. She took me to Heartbreak hotel.

Whats your name? she asked, as we entered her love shack.

Happy Jack. And you?

They call me Mellow Yellow. Tell me what you want, and Ill give you what you need.

For starters, I want one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.

Come on, baby, let the good times roll, she said, as she started to pour drinks for the both of us.

I drink alone, I warned her.

She shrugged and handed me my drinks. The room smelled like incense and peppermint. I finished my drinks. Mellow Yellow whipped out a bottle from a mystery kit. It looked like some good, old-fashioned medicated goo.

Whats that? I asked.

Love potion number nine, she said, handing me the bottle. Drink up.

I held my nose and closed my eyes. I took a drink.

Do you believe in magic? she asked.

What are you? Some sort of voodoo chile? A black magic woman?

I cant get no satisfaction without it, she replied, and took a long pull from the bottle.

Aint that a shame. Honey, Im the space cowboy, here for your emotional rescue.

She smiled. Dream on. Thatll be the day.

The strange brew began to affect me. Im so dizzy. My head is spinning.

I know, she laughed. Like a whirlpool. It never ends. Come on, come on, now touch me, babe.

In no time, we were takin care of business. You shouldve seen that dynamo hum. It was a Nantucket sleighride, to be sure. That gal turned me over, under, sideways down. She had a heart full of soul.

I got a little carried away, because suddenly she cried out, Oooh, ooh, child, youre pushin too hard. Youre gonna break on through, to the other side.

I want to take you higher, I told her.

Im already in outa-space!

I AM IRONMAN! I yelled, beating my chest.

Wild thing. I think I love you!

After the loving, she said, Youve made me so very happy. Im the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.

Im so glad. For what its worth, you wreck me, baby. But baby, baby, dont get hooked on me. Im like a rolling stone. Im here, there and everywhere..

Dont you want somebody to love?

Youve got a heart of gold, I told her. But I was born to wander.

She looked away. Love stinks.

Love hurts.

Why does love got to be so bad? she asked, but I had no reply.

I gave her one last kiss and stood up to leave.

Wont you stay, just a little bit longer? she pleaded.

Sorry. Ive got to keep movin on.

Baby dont go! she said, and started crying 96 tears.

Just then, the door flew open. A large man stood in the doorway, with a weapon in his hands.

She turned to me. Oh, no! My boyfriends back, and theres gonna be trouble!

I turned a whiter shade of pale.

Careful with that axe, Eugene!

Whats going on? Eugene yelled.

Take it easy, I said.

Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide, he sneered, waving the axe menacingly.

Help! I need somebody! I cried out. I was sure that this is the end.

Mellow, Im tired of your cheatin heart. You aint nuthin but a hound dog. Youve got to change your evil ways.

Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, Mellow Yellow said, now standing between me and Mr. big stuff.

Baby, you know I just want to make it with you.

Liar, liar! I heard it through the grapevine, down at the Sunset Grill, that you and Cracklin Rosie were groovin in Itchycoo park. Now, the thrill is gone. Just let it be, and go now. Besides, its my life, and Ill do what I want.

Look, Eugene, I said. Youve got your troubles. Ive got mine. Now, you cant always get what you want, but if you gimme three steps, Ill be headed out for the door. Then, youll never see me no more.

Crestfallen, Eugene said, Hit the road, Jack, and dont you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!

And with that, I took off, like a bat out of hell.

Bye, bye, love, Mellow Yellow called out to me.

Keep on chooglin, I yelled, not looking back.

Come see about me, sometime, baby.

You know my name. Look up the number, I said, as I made it to the street and hailed a taxi.

Boy, people are strange.

Many thanks to the musical groups that made this bit of madness, borne out of boredom possible.
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GoddessOfGuinness Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Aug-22-06 05:03 PM
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1. Nice job!
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