A question of etiquette

[jpgray]

Say you're at the house of a friend's girlfriend, and she insists on showing you her art. Now let's say (uh, in the most objective sense) that it's really awful. Abysmally bad. Then she asks for your "honest" opinion. Can't really give it, can you? I certainly couldn't.

[Katina]

1. no, you wouldn't

but you don't have to lie either. You can engage her with "interesting, what was your motivation for this piece?" That way, you get her to do all the talking about it, which is probably what she wants to do anyway. THEN, you can comment on her "motivation." :D

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Take it from me. She's looking for your approval, not your opinion.

Like when a friend buys a new sofa and asks how you like it. Are they going to take it back because psychedelic orange isn't in this year? Nope. They just want your approval.

Little white lies to spare someone's feelings can be a good thing.

[dolo amber]

3. For a smart kid you sure are dumb

:P

You say "That's unlike anything I've ever seen. You certainly have a unique talent!"

Ffs, I should go into politics. :eyes:

[jpgray]

7. Dolo, I've been meaning to tell you about your political views...

They're unlike anything I've ever seen! You certainly have a unique perspective!

[dolo amber]

8. Touche!

Fucker.

[billyskank]

9. amber, I'd vote for you

Cheap promise, I can't, of course. :)

[arwalden]

39. That's Similar To What You Should Say When Shown Ugly-Baby Photos...

"Oh my... you must be awfully proud of him!"
"Isn't she precious?"
"My goodness... look how big she is already!"

[billyskank]

4. Tact, my friend, tact

It is a highly useful art. Like bullshit, but more classy. :D

[ohiosmith]

5. Is she hot?

[jpgray]

6. I've seen better

In fact I'm seeing better. :D

[ohiosmith]

10. Then tell her the unvarnished brutal truth. You will be doing humanity

a great service.

[idgiehkt]

11. um

I pm'd you. I hate situations like this. What can you say..."I really like that frame"?

[jpgray]

22. I replied to you

:D

[idgiehkt]

30. I got it, thanks.

[Haole Girl]

12. Damned if you do, damned if you don't

That's a tough one. Sorry I don't have a good, honest, answer. But, I would probably tell a little white lie...just so you don't hurt her feelings. But, please don't give her too much encouragement! There are already too many people claiming to be artists who...well, aren't quite!

[AngryAmish]

13. Just tell her that you won't drink with her.

It wouldn't be appropriate.

[Haole Girl]

15. ROFL

That was the most hilarious yet! I wish I'd saved that thread!
:rofl:

[jpgray]

16. Ahahahahaha

:thumbsup:

(Will that reference ever get old?)

[greatauntoftriplets]

20. ......

:spray:

[Fountain79]

14. Perhpas critiquing parts of it without outrightly saying...

"You know I am not the best judge because I tend to like art that's...you know...good."

[jpgray]

19. Well no matter what I wasn't going to be an asshole about it

I think in those situations people tend to ask for something they do not want at -all-. It's usually someone with a deep personal/emotional attachment to the work such that any critique of the art is somehow a critique of the person... blah.

[anarch]

17. in situations like this, I tend to express myself non-verbally

whether I mean to or not, and people can just tell. I'm no good at lying about this stuff. That is to say, I throw up on the floor...and no matter what I say after that, it's pretty clear what I think.

[jpgray]

23. Yeah to me it's always clear when someone says "Oh! Interesting..."

I wonder if the artist thinks after that "well he/she hates it, but at least is polite."

[Roon]

18. I would just say

I am not into art.....

[asthmaticeog]

21. Midlo & Katina's answers are the correct ones.

No one who actually wants a critique will ask "what do you think?" They'll get a serious conversation rolling in that direction. When people ask "how do you like my work" (or post "CHECK OUT MY NEW PHOTOSHOP") they're looking for validation, and anything less than enthusiasm will wound them. If it's impossible to blow off and socially fatal to speak frankly, turn the question back on the person doing the asking. Like Jesus often did. :D

(If I learned nothing else in art school, it was that an artist should steer clear of dating other artists. Pretending to like each other's work puts an unbearable strain on everything else in the relationship. ;))

[Montauk6]

24. You could always throw in the self-deprecation decoy.

Emphasize what a total philistine you are and the worst judge of art.

By the way, who came up, no REALLY, WHO CAME UP with the notion that honesty is the best policy?

[jpgray]

25. As Bill says above, honesty and tact are kind of different

Withholding a nasty truth is different than completely making shit up.

[Deep13]

26. Truthful answer vs. correct answer.

Truthful answer: whatever you actually think. Anything from painfully dull and boring to horrific demons of the abyss while an uncaring God ignores your cries of mercy.

Correct answer: "Wow, you have a really unique talent. I could never have created anything like that." Then leave the room.

[dolo amber]

28. See!

:P

[Sugar Smack]

27. There was once an artist who posted here. Let's call him "Couscous".

He was very, very into what he did. He laid himself bare on a weekly basis, tho. We like to throw out there the work we do, but we always have to be prepared for criticism, because the Lounge isn't always Chicken Soup for the Ego. Anyway, if you're a very sensitive artist, you'll pick up on clues: pauses, suggestions, responses and non-responses. Then you'll either return to introspection or you will promiscuously post artwork in a more fiery flurry than before.

I dearly hope that made sense. :D

[jpgray]

29. Yeah. You have to be prepared for comments that go against the grain

But since this isn't an art site, unless someone is being really obnoxious I don't feel the need to be brutally honest. Avoid the threads unless I have something nice to say? Yeah, that much I'll do. It made sense. :)

[Ariana Celeste]

31. I'm a really bad liar.

So what I would do, is find something about it, something small, that I like, and compliment that.

[zanne]

32. Under NO circumstances tell her the truth.

It's like going into somebody's house and telling them you don't like their furniture. Just resist the temptation and don't do it. Your friend's girlfriend will probably be upset, which will upset your friend. Learn to fake it.

[ThomCat]

33. Half truths are your friend.

I'd be positive, but only minimally so. You certainly don't want to make her think she's good if she's not. But you don't want to criticise her effort either.

[Kali]

34. oh god. Is EVERYTHING about it bad?

can you talk about technique? medium? If it is remotely true, say you don't know anything about it but that it is interesting, ask how type questions and if you must, admit it really isn't your style but that her technique looks good, is coming along nicely, etc.

Because really art IS in the eye of the beholder (sorry) and maybe someone will like it. (your poor friend?)

[Rabrrrrrr]

35. Do the sidestep - don't offer any value judgments (since art is all

subjective anyway) - but ask her questions. When she (or any artist) says stuff like, "What do you think?" you can either find something to make a declarative statemtn about "This line here is fantastic" or "I love the use of red" and then take charge of the conversation by asking about their art by immediately following those statements with "Tell me about it" or "tell me about your mood when you did this?" or something like that.

If you're clever, you can avoid ever having to make a value judgment. And, I can tell you as an artist, it never hurts me when people are honest about their likes and say something like, "This doesn't excite me" or "This is a style that just doesn't do it for me". As long as they don't say, "It sucks", pretty much any comment is going to accepted and filed away in the mind - and, quite honestly, can sometimes be very helpful to hear.

It also depends on your relationship with the artist, of course; and also your own artistic ability and the artist's perception of your ability to critique. (That is, if I'm asked by someone who knows I'm an artist, I assume they want me to offer a very honest critique as an artist, so I will; but if I know that they don't know I am, I will be more gentle, yada yada yada).

But generally, if you start asking the artist questions, you can very easily avoid ever having to let them know what you really think of the artwork.

[jpgray]

36. Yeah I would err on the side of "this isn't my thing" even being honest

It seems to help people if you state the obvious--that your opinion is something from your perspective and doesn't purport to be the be-all end-all objective truth of the observed entity. Unlike, oh, say, someone who disses Chicago on a regular basis. :D

[Rabrrrrrr]

38. Sorry - it's my one awful obsession.

it's like every milligram of hatred in my body is all focused at that one point to keep my sanity and keep me from broadly hating so much more and keep me as, actually, a very loving person (when I'm not ranting on DU), and every now and again it leaks out publicly.

I don't know what it is. I can't think of anything I hate more than Chicago.

Art critiquing is such a difficult thing - and often, the new artists ask the wrong questions that put their friends on the spot, like "Do you like it?" Who cares if they like it? And more than likely, if they liked it, the words would have come out of their mouth automatically without them thinking about it anyway. As an artist, it's really best not to ask that question at all; nor even any question, really. Just let the person look, and they'll comment as they see the need to comment. It took me a few years to figure that out, too; and also took a few years to figure out that majority of people aren't really thinking about the art when they look at it, or looking at it critically: they're really just looking at color, whether they like the subject, whether it hits them as "wow" or "dud". Eventually I came to understand that it isn't worth asking most of my friends and family, and also, in a sense, not caring what they think, because it's all about whether *I* groove to the artwork and am proud of it or not, and because they won't offer anything of value to me in a critique other than they like it, or they don't like it.

[Broken_Hero]

37. I would say

"well, its different, thats for sure, and thats what art is all about, being different, a cut above the rest, and you did that, great job!....:)"

[rug]

40. Is this a variation on "Does this dress make me look fat?"?

[jpgray]

41. No. And yes it does.