Do you care if your spouse/SO makes an effort with their appearance?

[LaraMN]

It may seem a relatively minor thing in the whole of a relationship, but how much do you care about how your SO tends to their physical appearance? I'll admit that I prefer that my husband make some effort. It needn't be as much as the effort I choose to make with my own appearance, as I do that primarily for myself, but I do (appreciate, not demand) that he tries to take care of himself. My husband, on the other hand, has never indicated that he cares much whether I'm in shape or not (after having my kids, I was definitely not, for awhile.) Although I know he prefers I not live in dumpy, baggy clothing. Just curious what other people's expectations or preferences are, and how much it matters to them.

[Deja Q]

1. Dunno. Never had or will ever have one.

[LaraMN]

3. You stop it!

You are entirely lovable and adorable, and I will taunt you relentlessly for your self-deprication one day, when you finally DO hook up with someone!:spank:

[Deja Q]

19. No doubt you're looking forward to that!

:7

Do not worry, I shall endeavor to expedite the time necessary to reach the moment when you can taunt me relentlessly. :D

[LaraMN]

22. That's the spirit!

:toast:

[Deja Q]

28. Just to clarify

I'm not as much looking for a "hook-up" as I am a real relationship. I wish life was as easy as being a telephone where hook-ups are made all time... but I do want something of merit. And unless someone appears who has the capacity to work with someone like me, a relationship will haver happen.

Besides, this world is dog-eat-dog. Nobody works together. "It's all about what benefits me" is the prevailing mindset. It's despicable, but that's life.

[LaraMN]

29. That's a perfectly valid kind of relationship to want.

It's hard for anyone to find anymore, I think. :hug:

[Deja Q]

33. Thank you kindly!

:hug:

I believe you are most correct in your assertion.

[xchrom]

2. yes it matters to me.

i want my so to look good -- and i want me to look good.

if he wasn't chunky and out of shape when we got together -- because we get together isn't an excuse to give me a different package.

[LaraMN]

11. I have lowered my standards, as I know I can't expect either of us to

stay the same as we age, but that doesn't mean, to me, that there's no need to make any effort at all. At the same time, I try not to place TOO much importance on cosmetic aspects.

[Shell Beau]

4. I don't really care, but if we are going somewhere

nice, I prefer he dress that way. He is so unbelievably laid back that he doesn't spend hardly any time on his appearance, so sometimes I have to tell him if an outfit is appropriate or not.

[LaraMN]

6. My husband has me buy most of his clothes so he knows he's dressed

fashionably, and doesn't have to pick his own stuff.:rofl:

[Shell Beau]

8. My husband refuses to shop! I buy ALL of his clothes, but sometimes

he doesn't put them together the way I intended for them to go!! :shrug: If that is the least of our battles, I'll take it!!

[AngryAmish]

24. I make my girlfriend do that

I just don't know how to dress myself. I've been doing it since high school. I don't care to learn what is fashionable so I make other people $ to shop for me.

[Mother Jones]

5. Not the slightest bit...

on both our parts, luckily.


I'm not sure I could have ever imagined things to be like this, but the reality of working from home these days, is such that I simply don't make the effort I used to, on a daily basis. (and neither does he)


Besides, I think it's more fun and novel now, to get dressed up(even smart-casual), do my hair & makeup, etc...

[LaraMN]

7. I love getting dressed up!

Doing it rarely definitely make it more fun, when you do!

[Debi]

9. Not always, but sometimes

We are both terrible slobs on the weekends we spend around the house - but will clean up and dress up if we are going somewhere.

We always do the basics - bathe - brush our teeth - comb our hair and use deodorant. But it's nice to not put on a dress or make him wear a shirt and tie each and every work day.

We both weighed less when we got married, we both probably focused more on our appearances before we got married (now we spend more time focusing on our home's appearance and our yard's appearance). But I don't feel any less attracted to him (and I don't think he is any less attracted to me. I'll have to ask.)

:shrug:

[LaurenG]

10. I think it's important for the SO

to have enough self esteem to want to look decent. I am talking basics here though, more like hygiene and haircuts. I don't mind a few extra pounds or not shaving for a week but bathing and brushing teeth, yeah that matters a lot!

[LaraMN]

12. I agree!

Semi- regular haircuts and bathing are a must!:rofl:

[taterguy]

13. I wore sweat pants on my first date

My SO knows better than to expect much, but I do stay in shape, just because I enjoy exercising

[tjwmason]

14. Yes.

I think that it's an issue of fitting together as two different people.

I have a tendancy to look hideously respectable all of the time, whilst I wouldn't want an otherhalf necessarily to dress in the same style as I do, I would find unshaven, unwashed, messy clothes &c. to be a major downer.

Maybe I'm shallow - infact there's no maybe about it.

[Mutley]

15. I don't have an SO...

:eyes:

:D

But generally, I like someone to be groomed -- bathed and all that. No need to make a big production out of it, though.

[miss_american_pie]

16. Well, as long as he doesn't smell bad

I'm pretty happy. Although it is nice of him to dress up when we do go out, as rare as that is.

He's never said anything about the babyweight I gained, although I've lost most of it. But he probably also knows me well enough to know that if he had said anything about it he'd be out on his happy ass. :shrug:

[LaraMN]

20. Ha ha! I think my husband shares the wisdom of yours.

If he ever insulted my appearance, he might as well join a monastery.:rofl:

[Mutley]

23. ...

:rofl:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

17. Nah, not really.

As long as she doesn't let herself totally go to shit, I love her as she is.

[LeftyMom]

18. I can't really picture him not making an effort

but yes, I do appreciate that he looks so damn good. I suppose that's hypocritical considering that my idea of dressing up is using conditioner and if I want to be really fancy a bra and underpants that match, but :shrug:

[ThomCat]

21. I care quite a bit.

I wouldn't expect an SO to be elaborate about his/her appearance, but I'd expect some attention to the basics. If you can't take care of your appearance you're probably not taking care of your health either. That's an issue with me.

[kwassa]

25. When I wear my tuxedo ... I expect her to dress up, too.

Call me crazy.

[leftofthedial]

26. well, the green eye shadow

the micro mini

the fishnets

the 9-inch platforms

and the G-string

when she's going out "with the girls"


do give me pause

[dpbrown]

27. Yes, I think we should be more or less equal in taking care of ourselves

Not out of shape, not wearing shabby clothing, not letting hair or appearance get too out of line.

[texas1928]

30. It is her body...

I have no say...

[SlavesandBulldozers]

31. i have a real problem keeping my hair cut. i'm the first to admit that.

that's a resolution i've made with myself, because I know I look better with a haircut anyway. I'm just usually so broke that. . .see I'm making excuses, I'm gonna be broke anyway I should get a haircut and then commence being broke. That way at least I don't look like a slob, even though I pretty much am one.

anyway. as far as SO's are concerned, mine walked out on me so f that scorpion bitch. LOL. j/k (on the square).

[ForrestGump]

32. Yes and no. No and yes.

The bottom line is that physicality is way down on my list in terms of ongoing love. I don't care if my sweet li'l baby eschews wearing makeup or doesn't wear (or rarely wears) anything but casual wear, or if she's carrying pounds she'd prefer weren't there (etc). But, if she does want to dress up or do the makeup thing -- periodically or all the time, or to varying degrees at different times -- I'll express my admiration of how bodacious she looks.

I'd also support her if she wanted to improve her physical condition, etc, but not because I'm one of those men who demands that his wife or girlfriend remains in perfect shape and is always dressed up or made up, or whatever.

So I don't care, but I do care...what matters is that she's happy, because the right woman will help keep me happy just by being herself, for herself, first.