Yesterday was 10 years since my brother's death. Tomorrow is six...

[maveric]

years since my Dad passed.
My brother was a 35 year old heroin addict who always told me "I can handle it". That would piss me off and prompt me to hang up on him. He died alone in a motel room in Salem NH, May 1, 1996.
Dad passed in his sleep, May 3, 2000 at age 69. Both too young IMO.
This is always a hard week to handle.

RIP Jim Lenane - 1931-2000
RIP Scott Lenane - 1961-1996

Miss you guys and Ma, who passed March 28, 2005.

[skygazer]

1. My condolences maveric

They say it gets easier with time and I suppose it does but it never goes away and there are times it wells up unexpectedly and grabs you by the throat. It's been over 30 years since my mother died but it still hurts. :hug:

[maveric]

2. I try not to dwell on it but when the anniversaries come up...

Then it hits me.
I really miss all of them. All thats left of our family is my other brother and me. He called me last night and we talked about their lives not their deaths, for hours.
Sorry for the bummer post but I need to express to someone.
Thanks skygazer! :hug:

[skygazer]

3. No bummer, no need for thanks

I'm glad you still have your brother. Ever want to talk, PM me. I understand pain real well. The hardest part is being alone with it. :hug:

[maveric]

4. Thanks again.

:pals:

[uppityperson]

5. my condolences on this very tough week

It gets easier to tolerate, but never goes away. It is ok to feel, just tough sometimes.

[Ariana Celeste]

6. ...

:hug: :(

[In_The_Wind]

7. I'm sorry, maveric.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

8. Yes, too young

I hope this week you find some comfort and good memories.

[wain]

9. Thoughtful, caring tribute and remembrance

to your mom, dad and brother. That's a lot of pain to absorb for a young man such as yourself.

I'm sorry this all happened in such a short span of time. You're a good person to remember your brother. Drugs can so easily steal one's life and innocence away. It's clear you loved your brother and hurt for him. Says a lot about you and the kind off person your mom and dad raised.

:hug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

10. I also have lost a lot of people....

:hug: I truly understand what you're going thru.
Duckie

[GoddessOfGuinness]

11. Hugs for you Maveric...

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[redwitch]

12. Wow, I guess it is a hard week. Both way too young.

So sorry for your losses. Words are really inadequate and I have never been very good at them but I feel for you, this will always be a tough week of anniversaries. :hug:

[graywarrior]

13. Oh man, I feel for you. My bro's been missing 3 years now

Either drugs, bad biker shit, or underground.

Sucks to lose a brother like that. Sorry about that, friend.

[brook]

14. We never stop remembering

those we loved. It's painful and though time diminishes the frequency, it doesn't necessarily take the edge off. :hug:

It'll be good when you get on the road. The redwoods will lend you some of their serenity and strength.
I'm already looking forward to pics and tales!

edited for spelling.

[u4ic]

15. That's a lot of family losses

for one so young...:hug:

[maveric]

17. Well thank you for your thoughts. And for thinking that I'm young. I'm 50.

That just made me feel a bit better.

[NNadir]

16. I am sorry for your loss.

[Gormy Cuss]

18. I'm sorry, Mav.

It stinks to have the two deaths so close in time.

I lost my mother in the mud season too (another "Ma" -- I think it's a New England thing. If I had ever called her Mom she would have dressed me down for putting on airs.)


:hug:

[Jazz2006]

19. I'm so sorry, maveric, and completely understand.

For some reason, it seems tougher around the time that the anniversaries of deaths approach. I don't know why that is, but I do understand your pain and hope that the thoughts and best wishes expressed by so many cool and caring DUers will bring you some comfort.

(My brother died of a drug overdose at age 33 in November 1990; my sister died of cancer at age 21 in November 1982; and three of my daughter's four grandparents died within 18 months in 1997-1999, so I really do understand what you're going through. I am grateful every day that I still have my Dad, who will be 74 this year. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to PM me.)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[maveric]

20. Wow! Thats too much loss.

I also have an enormous amount of guilt. Ma lived alone in MA and my brother and I live in CA. We tried to get her to move out here so we could care for her. But being a proud and stubborn Sicilian Lady, she wanted her independence and refused to move. She had some dementia issues due to three brain aneurysms as well as insulin dependant diabetes. One morning she fell in her room and died there alone. If I was there, she may still be here now. Maybe? Maybe not?

I also feel that I should have done more to get my brother off the junk. He would piss me off, calling with lame excuses to get money. I would scold him and call him an idiot, often hanging up on him. I did that two days before he OD'd. Perhaps if I took the proper actions he may have not died. This really bothers me.

Thank you all for listening to me and sending me your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

maveric

[Jazz2006]

22. No, it wasn't your fault, maveric.

Despite the completely natural guilty feelings that follow, it really was NOT your fault.

Your Mom chose to stay where she was for reasons of her own and you would never and could never convince her otherwise (my Mom was Italian so I can relate - does anyone do "guilt" and the "martyr syndrome" better than Italians and Sicilians? I don't think so!).

Same thing with your brother - (admittedly, I had horrible guilt pangs about my brother because I actually thought he was going to OD before he did and talked to him about my concerns forthrightly several weeks before he died, tried to get him help, and then felt guilty later that I'd let him snow me with his responses)

But the point is that it was NOT your fault. Never was, never will be, and nothing you could have said or done differently would have altered the result.

I realize that doesn't make the hurt go away, but it's important that you know that it wasn't your fault.

[Redstone]

21. Hang in there. Remember: As long as they live in your heart,

they're not gone.

Redstone