What is the best way to address someone on a piece of blackmail?

[Dangerously Amused]

Just... you know... wondering.

[Ron Mexico]

1. Politely, and with a tape recorder in your pocket. Ask questions. (n/t)

[Dangerously Amused]

5. How clever!

I'll bet Ron Mexico isn't your real name, either.


Hey, if you ever need a job, we're lookin' for a guy like you in the "family business." ;)

[Ron Mexico]

8. It isn't Michael Vick's real name, either, but that never stopped him.

Family business, eh? Can't be worse than what I do now. ;)

[crispini]

2. In ransom note font.

[Dangerously Amused]

7. LOL!

Oh No! Quick! Someone tell Buffy!



We must save the kittens!!

[SOteric]

3. Dear Slimebag(s)

[Dangerously Amused]

10. Excellent choice.

"Slimebag(s)" sets the appropriate tone, while the formal salutation "dear" lets them know you mean business. Oh, bloody well done!

[flvegan]

4. Wouldn't you be addressing them

in REGARDS to blackmail, rather than on one? I mean, if you have this item of blackmail, and you give it to them, then you have no more blackmail.

Otherwise, I dunno. Blackmail was never my forte.

[Dangerously Amused]

13. Oh, dear young Flvegan.

Come sit on my knee here and I'll explain to you the finer points of blackmail. Are you comfy? Oh good. Now, Blackmail Rule Number One is that one never, ever sends the original item containing the blackmail material to the target of one's blackmail effort. One ALWAYS sends a COPY of the blackmail material, for just the very reason you suggested (clever boy!). Let's practice this first lesson before we move on to another, shall we? Yes, very good. Alright then, we'll pretend that *I* am Flvegan, and you are going to blackmail me by sending a topless Flvegan photo to my DU mailbox. Run along now and get that photo to my box, that's a good lad, and then we'll start on lesson Two: Seduction as a Blackmail Alternative.

[flvegan]

15. Can I jump ahead?

How much blackmailing can I do with a full monte pic?

BTW, I like the view from sittin on your knee. Gives me a height advantage so as to look down your...uh, nevermind.

I'm realy not like that. Really.

[Dangerously Amused]

39. "How much blackmailing can I do with a full monte pic?

What an excellent and profound question! We simply must discover the answer. Tell you what. I'll pretend I'm you, and you send me the full monte picture of you. Then give me your best shot at blackmail.

Oh, this will be SO fun!


:7

[everythingsxen]

6. Just be cool

It depends on how you are doing it. If you want anonymity, then the above posted ransom note format works well. If you don't really care, like it's minor but serious blackmail, just walk in and say "Hey, I have evidence of you doing X. If you give me Y, only you and I will need to know about this." You could also add in threats that the info will reach the press/law enforcement/wife if anything "happens" to you (in cases where the blackmailed may retaliate).

I would however note that blackmail is a felony and is easily defeated by the victim simply confessing everything. At which point you get a massive criminal charge against you and in many cases will face a stiffer sentence than your victim.

[Dangerously Amused]

16. A "felony"? Huh. That's bad, right?

But no worries in any case, I plan to plead insanity. Uh... I mean... my friend might plead insanity IF s/he got caught. Thanks for the warning though. I'll pass that along to my friend. :7



:yoiks:

[Ron Mexico]

9. Wait a minute, is this advice for the blackmailER or the blackmailEE? (n/t

[Dangerously Amused]

19. A good question.

But since I seem to find myself - eh, since my friend seems to find herself in both positions - about equally, we'll take any blackmail advice we can get.


:7

[LaraMN]

11. "Dear person of whom I have countless naked pictures..."

:shrug:

[LynzM]

17. LOL, nice one, dude!

:rofl:

Meant to tell you that I love the quote in your sig. Smart kid. :hi:

[Dangerously Amused]

20. Great suggestion!

And after a lifetime of extraordinary faux pas, you've given me the bright idea of making myself blackmail-proof by becoming an exhibitionist porn star. :7













P.S. I am still grinning over Blaine's Destiny. :rofl:

[Texaroo]

12. To whom it may concern...

Use magazine cuttings, multiple fonts, multiple publications, no word bigger than 10 letters. Paste them using rubber cement to a 31/2X5 index card, using latex gloves (even as you open the package). Use self adhesive envelopes and stamps, and print out the address on the envelope at a library printer.

But, hey, I'm no expert....

[Dangerously Amused]

22. Thank you for that sound advice...

And lucky for me, I don 't know any words over five letters, so we're good to go! :7



Welcome to DU!

[slide to the left]

36. And use someone else's printer

bc yours gives away a distinguishing marks

[jukes]

14. are you the "ee"

or the "er"?

[Dangerously Amused]

23. As Gertrude Stein might say,

I've been "ee" and I've been "er." It's better to be "er."

[yvr girl]

18. Two options

Dear Victim

or

Hey Sucker

[Dangerously Amused]

26. LOL!

I like the way you think. You are one of the people around here who actually keep me dangerously amused.


Thanks for that. :7

[yvr girl]

38. I do what I can

You're more than welcome.

:D

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

21. In white ink.

Because, you know... the address wouldn't be legible if you wrote it in black or blue ink. :D

[Dangerously Amused]

28. Good idea! Here, let me practice by writing my response in white ink :

So. Whatcha think?

[entanglement]

24. "Dude, do you REALLY want

your girlfriend to know what kind of animal lover you are ?"

[Dangerously Amused]

29. That would do it.

:7





Except in Sweden and Germany, where sex with animals is legal...

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoophilia)

[XNASA]

25. Dear Blackmailee,

[Dangerously Amused]

31. Crisp and concise, right out of the Blue Book.

A nice approach for the sophisticated blackmailer.

[Deep13]

27. "Dear Cash Cow..." nt

[Dangerously Amused]

33. Especially effective when blackmailing for milk money.

:7

[LaraMN]

30. "Dear Mom,"

Remember how you told me not to tell Dad about you and Uncle Jim and your "special hugging?" Well, it turns out that I need a car and $7,000.

[Dangerously Amused]

34. Eh, I tried that one last week.

Turns out she had more dirt on me than I had on her. Now I gotta give her a car.


:banghead:

[crispini]

32. I always LOL

when a copycat gets more posts than the original! :rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

35. Copycat?

What is this "copycat" you speak of?

















:7

[crispini]

37. Hee!

;)