Update on the situation with my 5 year old and the substitute teacher

[lady raven]

This is from this thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4851978 My "my posts" link isn't working and I lost the thread before.

I have an update on the situation I posted about last night. There's some good. But the bad is very, very bad.

I was thinking that I hoped that the case was that this person is a normal, nice person who just isn't cut out to substitute in kindergarten. Now I think that at the VERY least she is a raging incompetent who has no business working in an elementary school.

Here's why: Things were both good and bad today...
I was unable to speak to anyone this morning before school, so I went to do it when I picked him up.

The bad news first... The way they do things at this school is that when school is out, the class is led by the teacher to a designated waiting area outside to wait for the parents to arrive. They are supervised by the teacher until the last child has gone.

Today, I arrived just as the class was being led outside by the substitute. I was in a bit of a hurry to get inside and talk with the counselor or whoever they determined to be the person I needed to talk to. I was also still angry and hoped to avoid a confrontation, so I was very focused on getting him and getting to the office. I walked up to my son while he was in line, took his hand, and walked off with him. SHE DID NOT EVEN NOTICE. I figured that out immediately, and kept looking back as we disappeared from view and kept walking, wondering what would happen when she noticed- SHE NEVER NOTICED THAT HE WAS EVEN GONE, MUCH LESS THAT SHE HADN'T CONFIRMED THAT I WAS HIS MOTHER! I could have been a fucking CHILD MOLESTER or psycho child killer and he would be GONE.

Needless to say, when I got into the school office, my blood was boiling and I was fighting against my body, trying to stop the involuntary shaking, so I'm glad that the person I was sent to first was the school counselor, who, by a great stroke of luck, is a wonderful lady who also happens to be the wife of our pastor. She knows me AND my son well. I know she isn't going to think I'm some sort of raging nut, and also I knew that she would help me feel more calm. EVERYONE in the office knows my son and they know he's a good kid and has never been in trouble, which was also good to know going in.


She called the assistant principal in and another friend of ours, who works for the Department of Human Services and is the school- based social worker. I started off with the story about not being noticed taking him out of line.

I told the story as calmly as I possibly could, taking a "just the facts Ma'am" approach except when I stated that I was so angry about her carelessness with my son's safety that I could hardly see straight.

They were shocked and are taking this VERY seriously.

We also told them ALL of the details that he told me about yesterday, and they are taking THOSE seriously too. THe counselor AND the social worker both said to me that none of the three things that happened on Monday was OK and they took detailed notes. There will be (if there hasn't already been by now) discussion with the principal ASAP.

I never want this woman near my son again! I know this makes me sound like a bitch, but I want her fired YESTERDAY. I don't care how nice she might be otherwise- My son could have been kidnapped today and it would have been her fault (as well as, of course, the abductor's). That's more than enough for me. I am going to call the school board tomorrow and find out if this has been reported to them, and if it has not, I am going to tell them myself.

After what happened today, there is NO question in my mind that she does not have any business in an elementary school. She compromised my son's safety today in a way that I consider to be inexcusable.

My son's teacher is very good and very attentive, and I feel secure with his safety when SHE is there. But this incident shook me to the core in regard to his safety with a substitute. I have the feeling that there are going to be more discussions with school personnel required before I can have ANY level of comfort with his safety.

Anyway, so there you have it. The good news- That they agreed and are taking this seriously. And the bad- that something happened today that makes everything that happened YESTERDAY seem like nothing.

My apologies if this was rambling. It's nearly 5 AM and I haven't been to sleep. Yesterday was a hell of a day.

[kwassa]

1. I hope you get the support you need

from the school administrative staff, including the counselor and the principal. It sounds like you are.

In my opinion, though, I understand that you are venting here, but I think you are overreacting.

There are all kinds of safety procedures in place in schools. That substitute may have noticed you taking the child away, not given a visible external sign, and assumed you were the mother. She may have been genuinely distracted by all the unfamiliar activity of school ending, and not be familiar with all the procedures and responsibilities yet. Many things are not explained to subs well, and it also might be her learning curve.

How many days has the substitute been in this class? How well does she know her students yet?

[lady raven]

6. I understand what you are saying, BUT

I do know for a fact that she did not see me take him. And assuming I was the mother, had she done that, would have been VERY dangerous. For example, I have an abusive and dangerous ex husband. Should he decide that he needed to get his hands on my child, he could have come and taken him or had a friend or girlfriend do it, and no one would have been the wiser.

I also have a sister in law (estranged from the family) who is a drug addict and tried to joust her own mother with a coatrack a couple of years ago. I'd hate for her to have shown up and been assumed to be the mother.

This was her second day substituting in the class this week, and I am unsure whether she has substituted there before.

BUT I could have been anyone, and it only takes a child getting grabbed ONE time. I might be able to concede overreaction at some of the other things, but where my child's safety is concerned, I just can't see myself cutting any slack.

[kick-ass-bob]

2. We refused to send our son to school when a certain sub was teaching

his class. 5th grade - I think she singles him out because he is smart - he corrected her one day (something minor - I don't even remember what it was.) She yells and screams at the kids and makes unreasonable demands of them all the time (my wife has witnessed this in the past)

We told the principal he would not be attending if she was teaching his class again.
She did so, and my son did not attend - and the note stated the exact reason why.

I do not know if she is still being used as a sub - but I know it is not in my son's class.

[lady raven]

7. wow

She sounds lovely, and I dont' blame you a bit.

[Ravenseye]

3. Thanks for the update

I was curious what happened. Sounds like this woman shouldn't be anywhere near a kindergarten class. Is she younger? Sometimes after college people who don't know what to do, substitute teach both as a way to make money and also to figure out if they want to do it. Frequently they'll try grades before they eliminate them as an option.

That's all well and good, but I wouldn't want one of them near my children. Ah well. Sounds like you have a handle on it.

[lady raven]

8. Actually, I would place her in the 50+ range

I am not good at judging ages, but she appears to be somewhere between my mother in law's age (50) maybe 55 ish.

In regard to the classroom stuff, She probably just isn't right for that age group.

In regard to the safety issue... Well...

[ThomCat]

4. Good for you.

And good for them for listening.

Too often people who shouldn't be working with kids get away with crap for years because nobody listens to complaints, or always labels the person with a complaint as a crackpot.

People complain for legitimate reasons, and any system or organization should have smooth, well known ways to address legitimate complaints.

[BlueIris]

5. Damn. That's messed up.

It's good that the school is getting this addressed because: ACK. Horrible.

[KitchenWitch]

9. ACK I am so sorry about that!

She needs to be fired.

[lady raven]

10. Thanks everyone!~

So far, I am pleased with how this is being handled. I was definitely heard and the school seems very concerned about the situation.

Now that I've had a little more than 24 hours, I am starting to realize how THANKFUL I am that it was ME who grabbed him out of line and not some nut. Am I still angry? You bet. Do I want something done? Absolutely. But I am also SO VERY THANKFUL that he is safe, happy, healthy, and at home with me now.