Question for DU parents re: a sick cat, and a three-year-old's reaction

[eyesroll]

My SO's cat is 12-ish, but has had some chronic health issues (I'm not sure exactly what, but her conditions do make her more of an elderly cat than her age suggests).

The cat will be going to the vet tonight for loss of appetite/lethargy/etc. (The kid, oddly enough, noticed the cat was "sleeping again" on Monday, but the adults didn't see anything too different -- but it got precipitously worse today, and she also soiled outside of the litterbox, which is unusual.)

Now, there's a good chance that the cat just has a bug, and will get an exam and meds and feel better soon. But, like with any cat (especially an older or chronically ill cat), there's a chance it could be something long-term but treatable, or it could be her way of signaling it's her time to go. We won't know until we know.

Question: I will be looking after the three-year-old tonight while the SO is at the vet with the cat. And I KNOW she'll be asking questions. I don't want to say "kitty's at the doctor and she'll get some medicine and be fine" if that's not necessarily the case. But I also don't want to say "kitty's at the doctor and she's very sick and she may even die" because, well, that's a lot for a three-year-old (especially one who isn't mine) and her concept of death is dinosaur bones at the museum (and she's convinced that they play together at night when people aren't watching). She is fascinated with the idea of death, though, and will likely ask me 10,000 times if the cat is going to die, even though she doesn't know what that means.

I also don't want to do what I usually do when trying to explain something complex to her -- I use an analogy that's relevant to her life (i.e. "you know how you were sick and you went to the doctor and he gave you medicine and it helped you feel better? That's where your dad is with the kitty.") I don't want to do it now because, well, I don't want to draw parallels between her and the cat in case the cat doesn't make it.

Any advice on how to deal with this delicately would be appreciated. She's such a precocious-yet-innocent little girl, and I don't want to confuse her, or make her any more upset than the situation already will.

Thanks.

(When the cat does pass, which hopefully won't be for a long time, her dad will be the one to break it to her, but I'll be alone to answer questions tonight.)

[MissMillie]

1. The kitty is w/ the kitty doctor

And the doctor needs a little time to make sure he knows how best to take care of the kitty.

leave it at that

[eyesroll]

3. Thanks, but problem is...she won't leave it at that.

She's very much in a "why?" phase and is dissatisfied with repetitive answers.


Sigh...I've been in her life for over a year, so she does trust me and is comfortable with me, but it's still all new...

[MissMillie]

13. "Why?"

"Because we think the kitty isn't feeling well. Just like when you don't feel well, we take you to the doctor. It harder for the kitty doctor to know what to do because the kitty can't talk and tell the doctor what doesn't feel right."

If she asks any other questions, remind her that you're not a doctor and that you really don't have any more answers until you hear what the doctor has to say.

[supernova]

2. How about just

"The kitty's at the doctor and the doctor will tell us what we can do to take care of kitty."

You can just leave it open-ended. Then you can tell her when you know more what that would be and if she can help take care of the kitty (giving it a blanket, maybe)

[eyesroll]

4. I do like the idea of letting her know what she can do to help

Chances are, it'll involve more away-from-the-cat tasks (getting the medicine out of the refrigerator, etc.) because she isn't the most calm child (as you could probably imagine) and she can be a bit overzealous with petting and such.

Thanks.

[China_cat]

5. In this case I see nothing wrong

with saying 'daddy took the kitty to the doctor and we'll just have to wait till he gets home before we know what's wrong'. The one time that 'wait till your father comes home' makes sense.

[eyesroll]

6. I suppose that is pretty much all I can tell her.

It's accurate, in any case.

Thanks.

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. Papa and kitty are at the doctor.

The wee wane knows kitty is sick. Explain to her that when kitties get older, they get sick more often than younger kitties. Tell her the doctor is going to try to make kitty better.

I think I know more about the child in question than most DUers other than you and your SO. She likely won't be satisfied with a more pat explanation. You want to tell her as many specifics as you can without mentioning death, I'd guess.

Good luck, and I hope kitty feels better.

[eyesroll]

9. Thanks...

We usually don't have kiddo on Thursdays, either, but her mom had (??? something unavoidable) and J could take her. The timing isn't great...

(I'll still be able to do the drive by -- they'll be in transit.)

Death will come up -- it comes up every time we're playing. "OK, you be the mama dinosaur and I'll be the baby dinosaur in the egg and the mama dinosaur needs to talk to the egg and let it hatch and now the mama dinosaur's dead. NOO! You have to lie down on your back and be dead!"

I guess "I don't know" will have to suffice.

[flamingyouth]

8. Good luck.

These things are never easy.

This brings up a horrible memory of when I was three and a mentally ill neighbor shot and killed my cat. I don't envy parents and other caregivers having to deal with situations like this. :(

[eyesroll]

10. Yikes.

This situation is easy, comparitively. Sorry you had to go through that.

[politicat]

11. After the "not-quite" an explanation, distract.

All you can say is we don't know, but then there's got to be something else you can do with her. Game, vid, park, mac and cheese....

My nephew is at this stage (and my niece is coming up on it) but our best bets with both of them are usually to distract on the repetitive questions that can't be answered. (Especially the death questions.)

[miss_american_pie]

12. When she presses with the questions

try "I don't know. What do you think?"

[LisaLynne]

14. My dog died a year ago and we didn't know what to tell my nephew.

He was barely three at the time, but he still talks about the dog all the time. We were afraid to tell him that the dog was sick, because he (my nephew) is often sick and we thought he might think he was going to die the next time he got a cold. I know what you mean about that stage where there is no "fluffing off" the questions. I think it's also hard at that stage for children when things aren't concrete, when there's some uncertainty. I think that might be where all the questions come from -- they want to KNOW. And some things we just can't know.

I hope your kitty comes through this fine and you don't have to deal with the worse case scenario for a long time.