ANGRY SANTA DECLARES WAR ON ARBOR DAY

[underpants]

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1285&srch=

Seeks Revenge For War on Christmas, Experts BelieveIn what was widely interpreted as an attempt to seek revenge for the so-called “War on Christmas,” an angry Santa Claus appeared in a chilling three-minute videotape today in which he called for an all-out war on Arbor Day.

The tape, which was released to all of the major news networks, shows a bearded Claus in front of a plain, snowy background, fixing the camera with his steely glare.

“To those of you who would replace ‘Merry Christmas,’ with ‘Happy Holidays,’ let me say this,” he said. “Arbor Day is going down!”

In the three-minute rant, the angry fictitious character called Arbor Day “part of a stealth war on Christmas,” explaining, “Arbor Day is all about trees, and as you and I know, in order for Christmas to happen, many, many trees must die.”