I am the best friend ever. or not.

[LaraMN]

Remember that friend I posted about awhile back- the one I wanted to cheer up? No? OK, probably not. Anyway, she's my very good friend. We do things together all the time, we love each other's kids, and I'm well aware that I'm one of few people she has to lean on. Well, after about 6 months of doing REALLY well, she relapsed and started drinking last week. She'd had nightmares about this happening, and now it is, and I feel totally powerless to help her. She did outpatient treatment this summer, and was still seeing a therapist. I knew damn well she'd been depressed for some time, and I think I should have pushed her harder to go get medical help for it. Now I see her slipping right back into the downward spiral she was in earlier. I feel like shit, as though I should do something, but I can't control her actions and all the kindness and encouragement in the world won't help a person who isn't committed to making a change. I'm just bummed. I just needed to blab to someone. It's such a bad, bad thing to watch- she's such an incredibly wonderful, good person.:cry:

[KitchenWitch]

1. That is really scary

:hug:

PM me if you need to.

[LaraMN]

2. Thanks, Hon; I just needed to vent.

I'm so disappointed that she's going through it again, and I'm worried for her family. She lives across the street, so when there were problems before, I could make sure someone was there to watch her kids, and make sure she didn't try to get in her car. It's disgusting what the addiction does to her. She's an exceptional human being and drinking makes her someone completely different, pathetic, destuctive and sad. I hate it. hate. it.

[KitchenWitch]

3. Just so you are aware

there is an Addiction/Recovery group here on DU.

I hope she turns it all around rapidly.

[LaraMN]

4. I hope so-- I'll have to check that out.

Thanks!:)

[southlandshari]

5. I think you are a wonderful friend.

:hug: for you. Blab and vent to us here all you need, darlin'.

Tough situation.

Here, have another.

:hug:

[LaraMN]

6. Thanks, Shari!

I just tend to brew about things, and unfortunately, my friend is typically my primary outlet! It's tough to walk the line between being supportive and investing yourself in someone who needs you, and giving away too much of yourself/ getting too involved. Ugh. Grown-up problems blow.:hug: right back 'atcha!

[PassingFair]

7. I had a friend JUST like this, Lara.

She was prone to extreme behavior, usually during the summer months.
She would often leave her daughter with me.
One time, she said "You HAVE to take her!".

I said, "No, I don't HAVE to take her, but I will, because I love you both, and because you need to check yourself in somewhere". And it's the truth, she has such GOOD qualities. She is a loving mother, and she's the type to give you the shirt off her back. My kids LOVED her because of her extremely excepting, loving and tolerant personality.

She seemed hopeless.

The upshot is, however, she got herself together and hasn't created a scene in over 2 years! She is even to the point where she can have a single drink without going overboard! I can't tell you how many people told not to "enable" her by watching her child. Bullshit! If I hadn't been there for her, she might not have turned herself around.

Do NOT give up on her, but don't get totally sucked into her problems, either. It's a fine line.

[LaraMN]

8. Thanks, the last thing I want to do is give up on her.

There is way too much about her that I admire and adore, and I really feel that she needs a friend who loves her unconditionally.

She called me and told me about it, the day after she relapsed. She went to her therapist that same day, and when I showed up the following evening for a night out that we'd planned, I could tell she'd been drinking and I refused to let her go.

She called me this afternoon and sounded FINE for about fifteen minutes, then slowly began to sound "off," using phrasing and intonations I recognize her as having when she's drinking (and telling me odd things like 'you should be a senator,' or that 'you're too good for Duluth.'") :eyes:

I felt bad, because rather than go and check on her, I just ignored it.
I couldn't handle walking over there, finding her drunk again, and having to counsel her intoxicated self (which is totally pointless) for hours. I hope her husband steps in very soon- he knows exactly what's going on, but is always trying to save face, and seems to just hope she'll stop on her own.

[GalleryGod]

9. It's Snowing in Philly! You can come over and make Snow Angels with Me !?

:evilgrin: I'm really good at foot massages,too!:smoke: