Have you ever been madly in love?

[redqueen]

Poll question: Have you ever been madly in love?

I mean like head-over-heels in love. Hit-by-a-lightning-bolt in love. Love at first sight kinda love. Blindly in love. Can't-get-over-them-if-you-try in love.

Well?

That study said it goes away in a year. I beg to differ.


on edit: If you say yes, please state whether or not you agree with that "it goes away in a year" study.

[WeRQ4U]

1. Yep.

I am right now.

EDIT: I just realized how funny my sig pic seems in the context of this discussion.

[redqueen]

3. Isn't it grand?

I mean, it can be, if it's requited. If it's not, it can be torturous. It's torturous if you're unsure, as well.

What the hell, better to know the feeling than not, right?

[WeRQ4U]

9. So true.

The first time I was almost TOO in love, and it ended because it wasn't reciprocal. This time, however, is different. And I married her. And the beginning feelings of love are something that I would wish everyone had the chance to experience. There's nothing like it.

I agree that the original, electric feelings of love may fade with time. But I still look at my wife, and now the child that she gave me, and feel the same, if not more intense feelings, as I did the day I met her.

[LSK]

2. yes

Why must you bring this up? :cry:

[redqueen]

15. That study.

I'm sorry. I know how you feel, truly. :pals:

[LSK]

19. it was a while ago and im over it now

Sucks when it doesnt work out.

And yes it lasts longer than a year.

[SOteric]

4. Yes.

And for more than a year now, too.

[redqueen]

16. See!

Stupid scientists. :P

[SeattleGirl]

5. Yep!!!

And all I can say is, :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:

[redqueen]

18. Right on!

:woohoo:

[Taverner]

6. Yes. And it does go away

Sorry to rain on your parade, but all things fade.

The true test of a relationship is how well you deal under those circumstances.

And personally I didn't like being "in love" - I prefer to just love somebody.

[redqueen]

21. Awwwww

Perhaps it depends on the individuals in the relationship. I've been through hell and high water with someone, but it hasn't changed my feelings.

[Taverner]

26. Thing is - what was so fun about being in love?

All reason is lost, you can't function and you can't think straight.

I'd rather just be with someone I love, than someone I'm "in love" with...

[redqueen]

29. It makes it way easier to deal with stupid bullshit, for one thing.

For another, it's like a natural drug!

:bounce:

And I probably shouldn't mention the sex... but... the sex.

[Taverner]

33. Funny thing about sex

I had some of the best sex of my life with someone I hated at the time. And next to that, it was with a stranger at a Journey concert in the 80's (don't ask).

And next to that, pre-breakup sex.

But people tell me I'm weird :freak:

[redqueen]

35. Well I certainly can't relate.

I don't understand how anyone could have sex with someone they hate.

Stranger sex... even the BEST I've ever had... with a well-hung frickin underwear model for chrissakes... doesn't even come close.

[Taverner]

41. Even that pure "lust sex"?

The kind that happens all at once, no warning, pure firey initial passion, the feeling your skin is going to melt off your body...and the idea that no matter what you do, it doesn't matter...

[redqueen]

49. Yes, even that.

There's something transcendent about it... it's beyond the need for climax... beyond the need for attention or any kind of gratification really. Amazing... simply amazing.

[Taverner]

55. Well Im glad you found that

But for me, I think 99% of people who say they're still in love are just saying that because they think they should say that.

[redqueen]

56. Shiiiiiiiiiit...

maybe you're right.

Fuckin surveys! Grrr!

hehe... but really. I still think he hung the moon. I'm an idiot, aren't I? A fool?

Ah well... so be it.

[kmla]

107. Ewwwww.

You went to a Journey concert?

Vewwwy Scawwwy.

:evilgrin:

[RetroLounge]

7. Too bad it doesn't go away for each partner

at the same instant...

or last the same length of time for each...

RL

[redqueen]

23. Yeah

I have yet to deal with that. In my situation, it isn't reciprocal, so...

[evlbstrd]

8. Hoo, boy.

That means yes.

[redqueen]

24. Hehe

Yay! :D

[In_The_Wind]

10. It doesn't go away in one year!

[redqueen]

25. Thank you! n/t

[LaurenG]

11. Yes and It doesn't go away in a year

:)

[redqueen]

27. Thank you! n/t

[eyepaddle]

12. Yes, the first time I met her I got short of breath,

was so nervous I could barely play guitar etc, etc. It got deeper after that. We were inseparable for a year. The whole time I could see the train wreck coming, and yet I stood on the tracks and waited. It ended badly. I could barely hold down food for a few weeks without thinking about what I had seen.

I knew people said nobody every died of a broken heart, but they failed to add that maybe they just wished they would.

It's odd though, after feeling like a shattered wreck of a human for three or four years it just fades somehwat.

I don't think it's even possible I'll ever feel that deeply in love again.

[redqueen]

32. You got a whole year?

Wow... I'm jealous!

I was a wreck as well... but... I focus on the positive. What's weird is despite the shattered wreck thing, mine never faded.

:shrug:

[eyepaddle]

50. I've only communicated with her three or four times in the last ten years

The love didn't fade--the sense of abject failure and shame did.

I was the bedrock, but she didn't want to "limit" herself to me.

My post train wreck girlfriend was bizarre echo. It ended similarly--with the added twist of involving one of my best friends as "the other."

I felt like I was a self-help book waiting for a title. Fortunately I've now had a couple of non-incendiary relationships, so I'm not destined to constatnly do that to myself. :)

Live and learn.

[redqueen]

53. Wow

I've only been in one relationship since The One, and it's ending slowly. It's been a train wreck in several ways, but ... well we'll see how it goes.

[eyepaddle]

58. Good luck to you!

Do you remember Jon Favreau's character in "Swingers?" I was like that--without leaving 14 messages on anybody's phone!

Well, that and I never hooked up with Heather Graham at the end of the movie! :D

[redqueen]

61. No I never saw that. n/t

[eyepaddle]

65. Too bad, it's a hilarious movie

and it gave birth to Vince Vaughn's career. I hear he's a puke though.

But Swingers is defintiely a good way to spend a night!

[Omphaloskepsis]

13. Yep...

And it sure didn't go away after a year.

[redqueen]

34. Thank you! n/t

[bicentennial_baby]

14. yes, i am right now...

but i have no idea how long it lasts....hopefully forever :)

[redqueen]

36. I hope so too!

:hi:

:loveya:

[Left Is Write]

17. 1. Yes 2. No

[redqueen]

37. Thank you! n/t

[flamingyouth]

20. Yes, I am right now.

And no, I think that guy is full of shit. :D

[redqueen]

39. hehehe... me too.

Thanks! & congrats. :D

[GOPisEvil]

22. Umm...no. I can't say that I have.

Or, if I have, it's been one-way only. :eyes:

[redqueen]

40. That counts too, D.

Mine is that way. But I can't help dreaming otherwise...

:pals:

[GOPisEvil]

47. Well, the unrequited lasts WAY less than a year.

I know when to cut and run. ;)

[redqueen]

52. hehehe

If I ask sometime down the road... could you teach me how to do that?

[GOPisEvil]

57. Well, it's harder when you're seriously emotionally involved.

I haven't gotten that far yet. ;)

[redqueen]

60. Aha...

Well maybe you're lucky, then. :shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

64. Ehhh...

..maybe, but I'd like to try being in love with someone who loves me back just once. ;)

[NashVegas]

111. Unless You're a Glutton for Punishment

..

[Floogeldy]

28. I'm madly in love right now!

I won't say who, but her name starts with an "H" and ends with "eidi."

;)

[redqueen]

42. hahahahah

Yay! :D

[Floogeldy]

54. Bwahaha!

That's gonna creep her out!

[Jamastiene]

30. I disagree. Common knowledge

tells us it takes at least two years to get over that sort of thing and some of us never get over that person completely. I'd still do anything for her if only she wanted me too.

[redqueen]

44. What is it you disagree with?

Do you only stipulate it takes two years to fade?

It's been 10 years for me. No fading.

[Jamastiene]

72. Generally, that it takes only a year to fade is what

I am disagreeing with, I disagree with the study in other words. Yeah, it's been 16 years for me and it's still not gone, but others faded in two years and I have been told that the general rule of thumb is two years by a lot of people. I agree that it can go without fading for a long time as in our cases.

[trof]

31. I agree on the time frame.

It either dissipates or turns into something more stable and long lasting.

[redqueen]

45. Yeah

Um, okay.

For me, it's not become stable nor long-lasting on a mutual basis, but those feelings are still there.

Maybe it's just me! :crazy:

[lovelaureng]

38. Yes, and I still am.

My very cells seem as though they are a part of my love. It does not go away ever. It is timeless.



:hug: :pals: :loveya: :toast:

You know who you are, Ohioblues!

[redqueen]

46. Awwwwwww

That's so wonderful!

Congrats. :D

[malta blue]

43. I have been for a couple of years now

and it shows no sign of fading away...

[redqueen]

48. I hope it's reciprocated.

And if not, well, I understand. :)

[malta blue]

59. we got married last month

after a crazy bicoastal relationship that broke the bank, and we are very happy!

[redqueen]

62. CONGRATULATIONS!

:bounce:

:toast:

:D

[malta blue]

73. Thanks Redqueen!

[Wapsie B]

51. Yes I have.

But not with anyone who felt the same for me.

[redqueen]

63. I know how you feel.

:pals:

[Wapsie B]

67. I just seem to be on that eternal search

for that one true love. :pals:

Damn red, I hope somebody's got the sense to snatch you right up.

[mwdem]

66. Yes, and I married him 6 months later.

Those feelings lasted wayyyy more than a year, and we've been married almost 33 years now.

[khashka]

68. Fuck yeah! A year? Who do they think they are kidding?

Once -madly, passionately, deeply.

And eleven years later I still feel the same way. And so does he. Of course, we are not together anymore - passion overrode common sense. But our feelings haven't changed. We just got a little wiser, a little more mature. And time and tide wait for no man, so we realized we had to follow different paths. But the passion never died, the love never died, we just had enough love to let the other pursue their own destiny.

A year? That's not love, that's infatuation.

Khash.

[AirmensMom]

69. Yeah, still am.

It's different than it was 31 years ago ... more comfortable and secure, not so fluttery. Still nice, though. :loveya:

[0007]

70. A few times.

It hangs around longer than a year with most.

[Floogeldy]

71. I was madly in love for TWO years.

Then, we got married and my life turned into a LIVING HELL!

}(

[GoddessOfGuinness]

74. It doesn't just go away

and it usually takes longer than a year.

I'm talking about the unrequited kind of love here, which is about the only kind of hit-by-a-lightning-bolt love I've experienced.

Most people are flattered by this kind of love, even if they don't reciprocate the feeling. It's kindest when they are honest about not feeling the same way. It takes less time to get over the disappointment. But on occasion I've fallen for someone who played with my emotions because it felt good to be loved that way...especially if there was sex involved.

Eventually, though, you get tired of giving without receiving. You get worn out from waiting for someone to realize what a great couple you'd make, while they tell you about this or that gorgeous brilliant love-interest, seemingly oblivious to your heartache.

That's when you realize how unworthy they are of your affection, and you set your sights on doing wonderful things for yourself, to make up for that dull empty pain. And you grow more beautiful as a result. Then, occasionally, the former love realizes how terrific you are, and wants you back in their life.

And you, with your self-esteem reborn, say, "Thanks, but no thanks." and roll your eyes as you walk away.

[purr]

75. Not really. Even though I'm married and I love my husband

I never was madly in love. I dont think I ever was madly in love with anyone. :shrug:

[Zomby Woof]

76. Yep

Every day. :-)

[nini]

82. awwwwww

:loveya:


You're too SWEET!!!

[devilgrrl]

77. "Love" is just a word to me...

I wouldn't know what "love" was if it fell into my lap. It's just another word to me.

[GirlinContempt]

78. "Can't get over them if you try" I think i gotta change my vote :P

Anybody can be 'got over'

But yeah I've been crazygonuts in love.
And yeah, it goes away, eventually. No timeline on when.

[RockaFowler]

79. Yes, Yes, Yes

I am still madly in love with my husband. We fell in love 13 years ago and married 5 years ago. We fell madly in love the year before we were married. I loved him beforehand, but I saw something in 1999 when we won a trip to Las Vegas. We realized that we could just have fun walking around and taking pictures. I know I don't want to be with anyone else.
:pals:

[nini]

80. yes...

took me a long time to really realize what this means, but I do now :D

[Zomby Woof]

87. Hehehe

:loveya: Same here, sweetheart... same here. :bounce:

[mac56]

81. Yes, I have.

And no, it doesn't go away. Ever. That's not always a good thing. Head over heels love is the greatest feeling of all, and unrequited love is the worst.

[flvegan]

83. I am right now.

I'll let you know in a year about it "going away" or not.

[LeftyMom]

84. .

:loveya:

[Abelman]

85. Yes

It's over now.

Of course, any ladies lookin' for love need look no farther than this post.

[benny05]

86. I disagree that it goes away in a year

whether you still stay with the person or not

[robbedvoter]

88. Yes and no - it can last!

8 years and going.:loveya:

[Gregorian]

89. OMG. Electric vibrations. I could write a book.

I could write a book.

She showed up at my house in nothing but a white lab coat one night.

It's a story you wouldn't believe. The moment we saw each other. Then she found a way to volunteer in my office. It was crazy. Like a movie.

We even got caught by the police for doing it on someone's property, accidentally. Quite embarrassing.


But it's late. Over and out, wonderful and fluffy DU people!

[last_texas_dem]

90. Yes

And it didn't fade after a year. It only became more intense. It only started to die when I found out she didn't really love me back.

[BamaGirl]

91. Yep

We've been together 12 years now. Kinda funny actually. The first couple of years were really crazy, there was a mellow stretch in between, and it's getting kinda crazy again lol. I think 'cause we don't have babies anymore lol. ;)

[tenshi816]

92. Yes, only once.

I thought I had been in love a few times before but the relationships burned out within a few months and I wasn't troubled when they ended, which told me I wasn't in love any of those times.

But with "The One", while the white-hot couldn't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other part of it has diminished a little bit over the years (probably a good thing too because no way could we have sustained the pace), our feelings have mellowed into something altogether more satisfying than any l'amour fou could ever be. After 20 years together, I still wouldn't change anything.

[tenshi816]

93. Yes, only once.

I thought I had been in love a few times before but the relationships burned out within a few months and I wasn't troubled when they ended, which told me I wasn't really in love any of those times.

But with "The One", while the white-hot couldn't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other part of it has diminished a little bit over the years (probably a good thing too because no way could we have sustained the pace), our feelings have mellowed into something altogether more satisfying than any l'amour fou could ever be. After 20 years together, I still wouldn't change anything.

[tenshi816]

94. Yes, only once.

I thought I had been in love a few times before but the relationships burned out within a few months and I wasn't troubled when they ended, which told me I wasn't really in love any of those times.

But with "The One", while the white-hot couldn't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other part of it has diminished a little bit over the years (probably a good thing too because no way could we have sustained the pace), our feelings have mellowed into something altogether more satisfying than any l'amour fou could ever be. After 20 years together, I still wouldn't change anything.

[Pale Blue Dot]

95. I am right now.

I think that after a year things can change, you get more familiar with each other, etc. At that point, you just have to work extra hard to do the little things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.

My girlfriend and I have discussed all of this (we both have experience in the romance department), and we both know what a tragedy it would be to loss what we have right now. For that reason, I think that we will always be willing to do the work to maintain it.

[ScreamingMeemie]

96. You mean like, you look at the person and you just want to "gobble them up

? Yes! Still am! I don't think it goes away. I fell in love with my husband as a teen, we broke up basically because I was an idiot. I spent 3 years wondering what if...and daydreaming about him, now I get to realize those daydreams every day of my life. :hi: resounding yes, and no, I disagree. I don't think it ever goes away, I think we just have the ability to continue on...as with so many things.

[nickinSTL]

97. Yes, I have...

My freshman year of college, a friend...who never considered me more than that...

Fifteen years later...I still feel the same way about her, though she's married and I'm with someone else (who I love and have a great relationship with)...but as to the feelings going away after a year? No.

[lizziegrace]

98. Madly in love or madly in lust?

I think mine was the latter. And I still think about him years later, but for me it's lust. :evilgrin:

[bertha katzenengel]

99. Yes. Whether it goes away depends upon too many factors to be

measured. :eyes:

I believe it goes away, then comes back, then goes away again, then comes back again . . . all w/ the same person, of course.

[Shell Beau]

100. I am right now and have been for a while!!

:loveya: And hope to be for a long time to come!

[Greyhound]

101. Third time was a charm, for me. n/t

[bigwillq]

102. YES!

I am now! With my sweetie of 4 years! :loveya:

[redqueen]

103. Thanks to all for the responses!

I'm so fascinated with love & relationships... lovely to read all your thoughts & opinions.

:hi:

[Trigger Hippie]

104. Yeah, for a month.

That's how long we were together, if you can call it that because he sure didn't feel the same about me. But I was head over heels. We were only together for that long because he had already decided to move out of state when we met. Too bad. It took me 2 1/2 years to stop thinking about him every day. And yeah, I'd say a year is about right.

[Err]

105. I'm 23 and have never been in love.

Never.

:(

[redqueen]

106. Aww don't be sad.

Didn't happen to me till I was 26.

[bleedingheart]

108. The Farting, Burping, the Toilet Seat Up ...that is what ruins it...

and then you grow comfortable with one another and grow old together...

but the "madly in love" does fade ...either for the better or the worse...

[Chovexani]

109. Yes

It was unrequited, and I've never entirely gotten over him. :(

[redqueen]

113. I know how you feel.

:pals:

[Chovexani]

117. Sucks, don't it?

Ah well, you know what they say...that which does not kill us, etc.

:hug:

[redqueen]

118. Very true...

I live by the words of Janis:

Come on, take it. Take another little piece of my heart.


Oh yeah, and:

Get it while you can.

[kwassa]

110. I've been madly in love, madly in lust, and just mad

There is the initial chemical reaction, the wild passion that sweeps everything away. It is wonderful, it doesn't last, or I would be dead and buried. Very deep love, on the other hand, is a slower burning flame that can last essentially forever. It is the natural progression in a good relationship from that opening grand passion into something more sustainable, with occasional segues back into the grand passion. It is like the flow of a river.

I think there are quite a few individuals who are addicted to the initial chemical reaction, the wild high, which is very drug-like, and when that dissapates the first time, they leave the relationship, looking for the next big fix. These are relationships that often don't make it past the two month mark.

I do not believe that it is possible to sustain that grand passion permanently in a relationship, at least as I experienced it, and if people say that they do, I have much trouble believing it. I think they are experiencing something else.

[imperialismispasse]

112. Yes. Did not go away in a year for me.

But Im glad about that because were still together.

[ET Awful]

114. Yes and she ripped my frickin' heart out and stomped all over it

thank you very much for picking the scab off of that wound.


:evilgrin:

[RevCheesehead]

115. nope.

I thought I was... several times, in fact.
Only infatuation.. or gas.

[u4ic]

116. Yes

Mine didn't go away in a year, but the relationship didn't last beyond 6. A huge betrayal, and I forgave, but couldn't forget. That's what faded...the trust. Then the love went, too.

[Dr. Death]

119. I am right now

With two different people, in fact.

[terrya]

120. I am for the last time of my life.

:-)

[redqueen]

122. Congrats, terrya.

:hi:

[terrya]

126. Thanks, redqueen.

:hi:

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

121. Yes. And she got married last summer.

I don't know when she had her wedding, but I know people who worked at the Hotel where the reception was scheduled. (For my own sanity, I didn't find out the date) So as far as I know, she's married now.

It does go away, but never completely. All it takes is a glimpse in a crowd, a scent of perfume, or the echo of a familiar-sounding laugh to bring her back into my thoughts. (That's usually when I start singing loudly and off-key in a vain attempt to forget about her. It only works sometimes.)

[redqueen]

123. Oh I know just what you mean...

while I was doing the "trying to forget" thing, some things would always bring those thoughts right back to the forefront.

*sigh*

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

124. And it doesn't help that my neighbor across the hall...

looks a LOT like her. Tall, short brown hair, honest smile.

I keep having to look twice to make sure it isn't her. (I moved 60 miles away from the Woman-I-Once-Loved™, so I don't know why my brain keeps telling me "that's her!!!)
But last night, I was checking my mail at the front of the apartment, and I saw my neighbor approaching the door. For an insane tenth of a second, I froze, thinking it was her. That freaked me out.\
And I've been wondering what she's been up to all day. (the woman in my past, not my neighbor) :banghead:

On edit: I didn't click "Check Spelling" before I posted. Oops

[redqueen]

127. Heh...

better than me.

[anarch]

125. the way I understood that study,

if what I gleaned from about ten seconds of reporting on news radio is enough to go by, was that the specific chemical processes associated with new love (the giddy, head over heels, thrill at the very thought of the person kind of thing) fade in about a year, on average. I don't think that's the same thing as true, deep love...I'm sure there are other chemicals that take over once you've been in a relationship for a long time.

Anyway, I don't know...I still get that giddy feeling sometimes, after nearly 4 years, but I guess there is also a sense of familiarity that precludes feeling totally, well, crazy-stupid-in-love like I did in the first stages of getting to know my lady. But like I say, other, deeper and more enduring feelings have taken over, and seem to keep growing stronger....