Caught the kiddo drinking

[Robb]

Caught the 17 year-old drinking with her little girlfriend in her room, whilst I suffer a tremendous cold and was sipping tea in front of a hockey game.

The conspirator is safely home; mom doesn't get back for another hour or two. Should I go beyond "Wait till your mom gets home?" :D

(Background: I've only been in the picture here for a little more than a year and a half, with mom and the 17 year-old daughter living under my roof. I think I should step in here, but I'm willing to entertain advice.)

[SeattleGirl]

1. I can see a couple of ways to go here:

It depends on how you get along with the "kiddo".

One option would be to talk to her about it directly, how she's underage, etc., and then tell her mom.

The other option, which I think is the better one, is to talk to her mom when she gets home, and then the two of you talk to the girl together. But you also -- if you have never done this -- need to talk to mom without the girl present, and discuss your role in discipline. Since they are living with you, I believe you should have a say in it, but I also think you two should agree on what kinds of discipline there will be.

My daughter came to live with my husband and I when she was 16, and we stuck together on issues of discipline. There was one major issue that came up, and I made a decision on what I would do, but I talked to my husband before talking to my daughter. It was such a big issue that I really needed him with me on it.

Good luck to you.

[Aristus]

2. My sympathies, Robb.

When I married my wife, I inherited a 17-year-old wild child, too. Drinking, smoking, toking, dropping, you name it.

Oh, and she got pregnant six months after my wife and I got married. I let my wife handle the tough stuff. It was the way she wanted it anyway.
But my step-daughter never had to be told that I was pretty pissed at her. She knew.

[knowbody0]

3. definitely talk to mom first

you could tell 17 year old that you know she's been drinking but it is up to bio parent to dish out consequences. it's too easy for the kid to manipulate if you come in between. be supportive of mom, present a united front is my best advice. i read your other post. am i correct in that she drove after drinking? if so driving priviledges should be at stake IMHO.
good luck

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

4. Don't tread lightly.

As a recovered hardcore alcoholic who took his first drink at age 17, I'm telling you to have it stopped NOW. Damn the short term. Do this one for the long term. You can never tell who the bottle will hook. Don't you DARE walk away from it.

[Robb]

7. See, this is my instinct. n/t

[hickman1937]

19. Robb's house, Robb's rules.

I agree. But this is not his kid. Mom might be a little touchy about a late comer intruding.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

22. But she just might thank him.

The chance needs to be taken. Urgently.

[hickman1937]

27. Of course. But he needs to know what the consequences might be.

Some women do not tolerate anyone getting between them and their offspring even when its for the best. :shrug:

[democracyindanger]

5. Just out of curiosity

what were they drinking? We talkin' beer, hard stuff, sacramental wine?

[Robb]

6. LOL!

"Sacramental wine," indeed. :)

Looks like some fruity nonsense.

Now she's snuck out again. Before she left I went with disappointment and hurt, going the guilt route, told her I knew, told her I wasn't stupid. Asked what she planned to do next, she said stay home and sleep.

Which wasn't the case, obviously. Grumble. I've half a mind to call the cops on her, what with them being my buddies and all (because of work).

More likely I'll just sit and stew, sick as a dog, and wait for mom to get home.

[democracyindanger]

8. Yep

sounds like you've got problems of your own, of the viral type. Let her mom give 'er the what-for.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

9. It's all alcohol, you can get as drunk off beer as Jack Daniels.

[democracyindanger]

15. Takes a whole lot more beer

to get smashed than Jack.

Yes, in principle, a teen drinking alcohol is a teen drinking alcohol. But a teen knocking back Thunderbird is different than a teen drinking Keystones.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

16. Yes but I think a lot of people have become alcoholics drinking beer,

and not realized this to be possible because of the "hard liquor" stereotypes.

[democracyindanger]

18. Crimony

I was just curious.

[Floogeldy]

10. Is her friend hot?

}(

[Robb]

12. (smack)

One in every crowd. :D

[Elidor]

11. Tell her you expect a tithe

For every six-pack she has, you shall extract a tax of one beer. Two if she's naughty.

[Robb]

13. Squirt bottle, though

God I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore. :eyes:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. is her mom ok with her sharing a drink with her friend

cos my mother was....and nothing bad (atleast alcohol related) happened to me...

[Floogeldy]

17. Good point.

Robb's SD needs to be praised for not drinking while driving, or in a bar with a fake ID, or with a bunch of morons somewhere else.

[Robb]

20. That would be a good idea

If she hadn't done those things. ;)

No, mom not OK with it. Me neither, at this point. Last adventure was a creative sheriff's deputy who busted up a campsite party, arresting everyone over 21 and (here's the creative part) having dispatch phone a dozen parents to drive out five miles of bad road to pick up the younger ones.

Stew, stew, stew.

You know, I drank at her age. But I never ever got caught, and I never drove. I never found trouble because I avoided it. My friends said I even had a spooky "radar" that went off. I'd say it was time to leave, I would, ten minutes later the scene would go south. After a while the smart ones followed me.

Stew, stew, stew. :)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. i dont want to offend you

but maybe you should offer her a glass of wine with dinner..to teach her the adult way of drinking but not bingeing

[Robb]

24. Not offended at all

Kind of tried that. But it's not drinking, I think, much less drinking with adults. It's the party thing.

[Floogeldy]

23. I read you, Robb.

I had the same radar in my youth, and I never got caught.

But it is a different world today. You and I didn't have Nazi cops out to wreck the community, instead of serving the community. We had cops honoring parents and looking out for kids, instead of making their lives miserable and costly.

Cops used to follow drunks home for their safety. Now, they beat them up.

Sure, your SD needs to be punished. But the fabric of the family shouldn't be torn apart over this. Not that I think you would do that, based upon your reasonable posts.

[Robb]

25. Actually I like these cops a lot more

I grew up in a big city. These small-town ones, at least those around here, seem to be on the right track. The goal, as they say, is compliance with the law, especially when you don't have the resources to ticket every jaywalker. As much as I disliked getting the phone call at 1:30 a.m., I was pretty impressed with the deputy's problem-solving. I know a lot of those parents, and there's nothing the law could dish out that could compare to their evil eye. ;)

[Robb]

26. Well, mom came home

Got the two-sentence update from me, and she was out the door on the warpath.

Small town, few places to hide with a distinctive clunker.

Again: God I'm glad I'm not a teenager any more.